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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

The Guys' Guy's Guide to Aging - Part 1 (The Bad News)

Robert Manni - Saturday, August 27, 2016


A seventy-three year-old Mick Jagger once sang, “Time waits for no one, and it won’t wait for me.” Although he was correct, he’s still vital, in great shape and killing it in concert.

If we play the cards we’re dealt the best way we can, it’s possible to extend our time here on Earth and age with vigor, class, and élan. But, in order to live long and prosper there are some rules to follow. Aging impacts everyone¾ millennials through boomers. So in an effort to cover as much ground as succinctly as possible, I’ll break down the bad news on aging here before returning next week with the good news, including the steps we can take to ease our path into a healthy future.

The Bad News

After we reach the age of twenty-five, we begin to notice things starting to slow down. I’m sure many of you have woken up with a hangover while in your mid-twenties and noticed that for the first time the effects of the previous night took a larger toll on your well being than usual. A feeling like your head was hit with tiny ball peen hammers, aches and pains in new places, and your needing an extra day or two to get back to feeling one hundred percent again. Amigos, that’s the first step in what can be a long, uncomfortable slide into middle age if we are not mindful about our body and our lifestyle. Make no mistake about it. Once we hit twenty-five, our metabolism slows down and continues its slow descent for the rest of our lives.

From that point, it takes longer to manage our health and recover from partying, sex, sports injuries, illness, increased mental monkey chatter, and energetic blockages. Compounding all of this is the disturbing fact that too many Americans live reactive lives driven by fear, pessimism, and the current news cycle and propaganda spewed by our media. The majority of the media and advertising is focused on creating a mindset based on feeling of lack and what we don’t have. You need this. You could lose that and if you do, you’re screwed. Unless, of course, you buy this and do as you’re told. As we age, the burden of carrying around all this made-up nonsense becomes more burdensome until the dam bursts and we succumb to chronic illness.

And, along the way, we gain weight. When I was a kid, there were a handful of “chubby” kids in school. And, being cruel, we’d call them names. But now that we’re older, who isn’t waging their own personal battle of the bulge? If you take a stroll through any shopping mall, you’ll see a lot of obese kids and adults. It’s usually due to the food they eat, sedentary lifestyles, meds, and stress. As we gain weight, we slow down. And as we slow down, if we are not mindful about our diet and lifestyle, we’ll keep gaining weight. Then, we’ll get sick and slow down even more when we start taking meds for this, for that, and to combat the side effects from the first meds we took. This easily becomes a vicious downward cycle.

 

Want some more bad news about aging? As we get older, we can’t do all the things we have been doing for so many years, like eating the same foods in the same quantities, having sex three times a night, or working out as intensely and often as we did when we were in our early twenties. That does not mean we can’t take steps to combat all these limitations, but it’s not easy to change life-long habits and it requires discipline. Unfortunately, not a lot of people wake up and make the necessary choices to evolve their life-long habits until it’s too late.

Couple this with what was once your perfect vision weakening, bouts of insomnia, anxiety over work, getting up to pee three times an night, money anxiety, job loss, worrying about things we can’t control, and yearning for “the good old days”. And there’s more. Death, taxes, childcare costs, a shaky economy, Donald Trump being a step away from the presidency, and climate change. If we fall prey to the hype and swallow the swill served us in the form of GMO foods, fear-based media, ultra-violent entertainment, aging parents with chronic illnesses, loneliness, and a diminished quality of life, life can look bleak.

BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!

For every question there is an answer and for the biggest questions in life the answer is always based in love. At our source we come from and are created with love. With love for ourselves in mind, next time I will review each one of the troubling aspect of aging and offer concrete ways of addressing the issue of aging gracefully and purposely, while living a fulfilling life deep the our senior years. 

This week’s GUY’S GUY OF THE WEEK is spiritual teacher Tony Robbins, who said, “People overestimate what they can accomplish in a year, and underestimate what they can accomplish over a decade.”

 

Here’s to a pledge for decades of good health and well being for you.

The Guys' Guy's Guide to Keeping Your Mojo Working

Robert Manni - Thursday, September 17, 2015


Most men have experienced a romantic episode where their mind and spirit were willing, but their body did not respond as nature intended.

It can happen to any guy. Too much booze or recreational drugs, a bad diet, high blood pressure, diabetes, stress, or whatever. Shit happens, and sometimes it’s in the bedroom. No man is immune from the possibility of his flag not saluting when unfurled. Unfortunately, few women understand a man’s psychological trauma from a failed interlude. No worries, amigos. Your Guy’s Guy is here to help.

I’m not a doctor nor do I play one on television. My credentials? I’m like a lot of blokes reasonably intelligent, successful and attractive with a twist. After twenty-five sex-fueled years of single life in New York City I got married five years ago. Now I’m a dad. Things have changed in all areas of my life, including the bedroom. But, as my wife or my exes will attest to, I’m a guy who loves sex. So I’ve made it my business to take care of myself so I can keep on thumping like the Energizer bunny. My goal is to share what’s worked for me over the years. As always, these are simply ideas for your consideration and potential research. But ultimately, I think us Guy’s Guys can agree that there are few better feelings than a sturdy, “Boing”.

First, let’s level set. There is a physical and a mental component to men’s arousal. The most important physical consideration by far is circulation and blood flow. Think about it. An erection occurs when your penis becomes engorged with blood. And what guy doesn’t love being engorged? Those colorful little pills advertised on television that help men get it up are all about enhancing blood flow to the penis. They work, but a healthy man doesn't necessarily need a pill to ensure proper blood flow. I’ll share some tips that address circulation. The mental side of the equation is trickier. Guys continually roll through different thoughts and emotions, and half the time we don’t even know how we feel about what’s going on in our own worlds. It’s stressful. And if the body is slow to respond, panic can set in and things may snowball quickly. That’s never a good thing. So I’ll also offer considerations for the mental side of the game.

Enough about the ground rules. In no particular order, here is my Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Keeping Your Mojo Working. Drum roll, por favor.

1. Diet – Studies have shown that a highly acidic, meat and fat based diet loaded with hidden sugars and salt, GMO’s, and chemical additives does NOT do a body good. And amigos, your penis is part of your body, so its functionality is negatively impacted by an acidic, low alkaline diet. Meat, sugar, simple carbs, gluten, caffeine, nicotine, salt, food additives, all contribute to the demise of your performance. A diet rich in organic veggies, wild caught fish and sprouted grains and supplements will help keep you on point. And we all know that drugs or too much booze can turn Mr. Happy into Mr. Droopy. Be mindful of what you consume.

2. Exercise – Want to bolster your circulation? There is no better way than a good hard workout. Cardio and strength training do wonders for keeping your blood flowing throughout your body and organs. There is no mystery to this, but due to the stresses and western diet in modern life, many guys schlep around feeling lazy and tired. Don’t let that be you. Are you walking home instead of texting Uber? Are you climbing the stairs instead standing on the escalator? The good news is that if you really don’t have time for a workout you can still do good things for yourself. Walking is great for your health and circulation, as is adding any amount of incremental cardio to your day. And guess what? Sex is cardio and it’s great exercise, too.

3. Managing Stress – There’s an old saying that “stress kills”. Sadly, it’s true for not only the body, but also for a man’s sexual performance. Sex is supposed to be a fun sport. But these days a lot of men, and surprisingly many young men, are filled with anxiety about their lives and sexual performance. Women are finally getting their long-overdue recognition, but many young dudes see this as a threat. To what, I ask? For this Guy’s Guy, there has never been a better time to be a man. Back in the day, a guy had to really work to bed lady. There was no Tinder, no texting, no “hanging out”. We had to prowl the city like lone wolves searching for prey. Then we had to introduce ourselves, buy drinks, dance, make small talk and actually charm a woman into a few dates before hopping into the sack. Nowadays, many young women are the sexual aggressors with no issues about taking the lead in the sack. That makes life easy. As long as you treat women respectfully, there is no reason a Guy’s Guy can’t enjoy a very healthy, robust sex life. These are the good old days.

So why all the stress, amigos? Relax and enjoy. There are many great looking, intelligent, capable women looking for a Guy’s Guy. But if you find yourself tightening up when it’s time to get it on, try slowing your mind down and don’t be in such a hurry to force things to happen. Kiss, cuddle, massage, laugh… If you’ve had too much to drink to perform, think of it as a lesson well-learned. Get some sleep and come back hard in the morning.

4. Supplements – If you take one thing away from this post, this tip is a gem. Since blood flow and circulation are critical to male sexual performance, there are natural supplements that help increase blood flow and oxidation. I started taking two L-Arginine and one Pycnogenol tablet twice a day for sports performance and things started happening. L-Arginine is an amino acid used by athletes. Pycnogenol, made from French maritime pine bark extract, is considered an anti-aging anti-oxidant for better skin and life-extension. You can find lots of info about it online. And since I began taking these supplements twice a day, my workouts and physical capacity has been through the roof and my libido is as strong as when I was a teenager. And it was pretty darn powerful. Just sayin’.

5. Porn, or Lack Thereof – Will everyone who likes to whack off raise your hand? Okay, that’s almost all of you. Clinical studies show that masturbation can be a healthy activity in moderation. You could even argue that masturbation is a distant cousin of meditation. But when you’re surfing porn for hours every day and always before having sex with your honey, it’s a problem; both psychologically and physically. Do you really need to think of that chick you saw online with the six-pack and giant boobs to get it up for your girlfriend? I think not. Do your best to keep the porn and stroking to a minimum. Trust me—there ain’t nothing like the real thing. If you’re with the right woman and you treat her well, she will do anything your little old imagination can come up with. Focus your energy on your partner. She’s the one who should be handling your equipment.

6. Love – One of the most fantastic nights of sex with my wife came after we attended a two-day workshop on love, guided attunements and channeling, and raising frequency. Our lovemaking was pure, clear and filled with heart-opening love. A few weeks later my wife was pregnant with our son. I’m sure I would have had no problems performing with my wife without the workshop and maybe she would have become pregnant anyway, but this is what happened. Love makes a difference, and I have always found love to be a core ingredient for great sex. Sure, lust is good, but love lifts the act to another level. And I would argue that feelings of love translate to better sexual performance because it everything feels so natural, so right. Love is ultimately what connects us.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. Lovemaking is a gift and the more we clear our cluttered minds and clean our bodies, the easier it is to perform like a champ. If you want to perform every time, make loving yourself and your partner the bedrock of your sex life.

Time to take my supplements…

This week’s GUY’S GUY OF THE WEEK is Vatsyayana, the author of KAMA SUTRA, the classic tome on sexual pleasure.Thanks, amigo.

Ask the Guy's Guy: How to Keep Your Man Happy

Robert Manni - Saturday, August 08, 2015

Making Valentine's Day Work for You

Robert Manni - Friday, February 13, 2015


Valentine’s Day is a day most of us dread.

It’s commercial, pressure-filled, exploitive, and most importantly-- forced and unromantic. I’ll leave all of that to next week’s otherValentine’s Day post. But there are two ways to look at V-Day as it gets pitched our way each and every year. Whether it’s chocolate, flowers, jewelry, vibrating panties, weekend getaways, etc.—you name it and they’re selling it in fire engine red. Here are a few suggestions for how to not only cope, but to have fun and share the love. And that’s the point. Valentine’s Day should be about celebrating heart-felt love. Your Guy’s Guy suggests that the best way to make this a special occasion is by personalizing it. That means making it all about your partner…and not about you.

If love is in the air and you want to fan the flames.

If you’re a guy and you want to get intimate with a woman for the first time the tendency is to buy her lingerie, hoping that she’ll wear it for you on Valentine’s Day. Don’t do it. She is more than aware that you want the show. If you consider my suggestions and it’s meant to be, the show will open to rave reviews... and it will go on and on.  Chocolates and flowers and cards and jewelry are always welcomed, but a Guy’s Guy adds intimacy to her gifts that empower them as expressions of love. So instead of doing the expected and buying a printed card at Walgreens, buy her a card that allows you to craft your own special message to her. Remind her of all the things she does that make her special and why you want to get to know her better. Pay attention to the details the way a woman does. Believe me, she will notice and you won’t have to buy her red lingerie. She’ll bring on the black when the time is right and when she does you’d better fasten your seat belt. Other things to consider are attending events together like a sake tasting or a Broadway show that she mentions in passing. Sharing brings couples closer together.

If you want to keep the fires burning.

Again, it is all about personalization. If you buy her jewelry, have it inscribed with a special message. A former paramour once bought me a silver necklace with an understatedly elegant pendant. Nice. When I looked closer she inscribed the underside with, “Love Slave”. Talk about marking your territory. It worked. Of course when my next girlfriend took one look at it, it came off instantly. If you show some effort to personalize your gift when you are in a long-term relationship or marriage, it makes your partner feel appreciated. How about writing down the twenty things she does that make her so special. Why is she so important to your life, what makes her sexy, funny, etc? Make her feel special. That is intimacy.

Wild Cards.

If you’re going down the sexual path remember to make it all about your special someone. That’s where the lingerie and crazy stuff like vibrating panties and sex toys come into play. All good. That said, you want to make sure that there is as much giving as receiving so that the festivities go all night long. Along with the little blue pill and its ilk, there are various oils and lotions that help keep the balls in play. A quick spritz could keep the party in full swing. A real Guy’s Guy wants to make his woman happy, so that everyone wins. Remember that Valentine’s Day is all about your partner, so have fun. And play safe.

This week’s Guy’s Guy of the Week is Paul McCartney for writing all of those wonderful silly love songs.

Are you making Valentine’s Day all about your partner?

How to Seal the Deal and Keep it Real

Robert Manni - Thursday, January 22, 2015


Some say that for men, finding a willing sex partner has never been easier. But it’s not quite a glamorous as the media leads us to believe. After all, not every guy has six-pack abs, lots of bank and hooks up with a new hottie on Tinder every Friday night.

And although lot of young guys aspire to be a “Don Jon” style ladies man, many young bucks get sidetracked by porn, the ease of technology and watching too much sports. As a result, “hanging out” has become the new definition of dating. As a result many dudes think they have their swerve on, but are pretty limited when it comes to conversational skills and social élan.  And that’s no way to discover real intimacy with a prospective partner. Enter your Guy’s Guy with a handful of tried and true tips that can help any guy show respect for his partner while getting his ticket punched along the way. And, trust me, if you follow these guidelines word will get around with the ladies that you are one righteous hombre. Here are some ideas to keep in mind when meeting a lady of high interest. Drum roll please.

1. She wants to go to bed with you.

Women are like banks that prequalify lenders. That doesn’t mean everyone gets the loan, but if she agrees to a date, you're in a good position. Stated another way, when a woman agrees to go out on an actual (not hanging out) date with a guy, chances are she’s already thought about having sex with him. Women pay attention and they think ahead. And they don’t like wasting time. At this point it’s up to the guy not to screw things up. But, in the majority of cases that’s exactly what happens. They find ways to drop the ball, and like rookie running backs, they end up on the sidelines, hoping and waiting for their number to get called again. Keep this in mind and you are on a fast track to success.

2. Date like a Guy’s Guy.

Although she’s fitter than you and capable of tapping you out with an arm bar, today's women pine for men to treat them like ladies. That means being a gentlemen and asking her (not texting her) out by phone, or better yet, in person. That also means having a plan in mind that matches her interests. That requires some active listening on your part. She mentioned loving sushi? Need I say more about where to take her on that first real date?

When you greet her, tell her she looks pretty. Put the damn phone down and pay attention to her during dinner. Pick up the tab. Afterwards, hail a cab for her. If things go well and she invites you back to her place, good for you. That said, play it cool and don’t push her. She will let you know how you are doing, but don’t expect the whole enchilada on the first night (more to come on that). Read the signals and know when to go home. On the way home or the next day send her a thank you text. Tell her you had a great time and would like to see her again. Then follow up. That’s all, my friend. 

3. Be patient, be creative.

Good things come to those who wait and improvise. Quick story... One summer a few years back I connected with a hottie on Match. She had curves, piercing black eyes and legs to die for. Oh, I wanted her badly. The first time we met, we shared coffee at a café in the East Village. That was it. She knew she was smoking hot and I was unsure she wanted to see me again. That week I asked her out again and we met for a casual dinner. Following a late night drink she gave me a quick “goodnight” peck on the cheek. My balls ached the entire cab ride home. We met for drinks again that week with the same conclusion. Grrr.

I needed to try something different. I asked her to join me at a Fourth of July parade in the little seaside town where I have a small beach house. On a star-spangled sunny morning we stood side by side taking in the colorful wholesome, real Americana event. She was originally from Taiwan and I noticed how her eyes light up during the parade. She was totally into the pageantry. Afterwards I suggested we stop at my place for a soft drink. As we looked out at the sea I slipped my arms around her and leaned in for a kiss. She accepted my lips eagerly and a few minutes later we were rumpling my sheets like tigers in heat. Patience and creativity had paid off. 

4. Clean up your crib.

I’ll keep this short. Women appreciate a guy with clean sheets and a clean bathroom. I’ve lived in a few dumps in my day and have not always followed this rule. And on occasion I’m sure it prevented me from sealing the deal. Over time I learned that when your place sparkles, you have a much better shot at making hay with a lady. Case closed.

5. A little romance goes a long way.

The women I know really appreciate when a guy does something thoughtful. A bouquet of flowers (no special occasion required), a bottle of her favorite wine, and cooking her dinner can go a long way in sparking a woman’s interest in pleasing a guy. Think about it… And do it because you want to please her, not just for the reward.

6. Be appreciative and take care of her needs.

It took me awhile to get this one straight, but once I saw the light, my love life and sex life really took off. As a guy I know how desperate we can get when we want to get off.  But there is a big difference between getting off and making love. You can get off by yourself. You need a special lady to make love. And if you take care of her needs first and consistently, she’ll probably give you get everything you’ve dreamt about.

There’s more, lots more where that came from, but let’s put a wrap on this for now. A few insightful nuggets can go a long way in the evolution of a horn dog guy to a mature loving man.

Confessions of a Horndog: The Way Guys View Sex

Robert Manni - Sunday, October 19, 2014


Sure we’re approaching 2015, but have things changed that much when it comes to how men and women view sex? I’ve been thinking about that a lot these past few weeks. Most guests on my Guy's Guy Radio podcast take a politically correct stance, insisting that all things are equal when it comes to how men and women view sex.

Let’s agree that women’s empowerment is growing, and it’s long overdue. And when it comes to sex, although more and more of today’s women hunt male prey the way guys chase women, does the majority female mindset view sex the way men do? I’m not sure. Let’s take a look at some of the ways men view sex. Then I’ll let you ladies determine if women see it the same way.

I have a lot of guy friends and they seem to fall into two camps. One group is made up of total horn dogs. Regardless of their age or relationship status, they think about sex all day. They are visual, they fantasize, they talk about sex, and although they may not stray; they’re mentally sexed up. I fall into this camp and I always have.

I love sex and I think about it a lot. In the past I’d act on my impulses, even when I was in a relationship. I was young and believed that you only live once. You can say that I was a selfish guy. I was, but I loved sex and if there was extracurricular activity, it was simply a physical act to me. Although I had to have some connection with them, I kept the sex in a non-binding neutral, unemotional, no-strings attached box. And it worked for me.

There are a lot of guys who see sex this way. Sex is sex, and since it is always on our minds, we tend to take advantage of the opportunities as they present themselves. After all, when you are single, you’re single.

Now that I’m married and a bit wiser, I focus one hundred percent of my attention on my wife. She deserves it, and I’m doing everything I can to be the best partner. That said, I’m still a horny guy.

Living in New York City, I see and interact with a lot of hot women. Do I think about having sex with them? The thought has crossed my mind from time to time (that means yes), but I don’t act on it. Part of the reason is that I know my wife is loyal and I don’t think my having sex with other women would be fair to her. Most of the others guys I know in the horn dog camp think and behave this way, also. We enjoy the company of an attractive woman in a business or social situations, but we are men now so we keep things under control. The question is: could I have sex with a random attractive woman and just leave it at that? I could, but again, I don’t. If I did, it would simply be a curiosity and a matter of variety. That’s all. But, I don’t. Will my wife kill me if she reads this? I don’t think so. She knows that I am a horn dog, but one who is on a leash.

Here is one more thing to factor in about the horn dog camp. As with any group, you always have a lunatic fringe. These are the guys who can’t stop going to strip clubs, chasing women, and having sex with whoever they can, regardless of the guy’s age or if they are married. I don’t know many women who fall into this camp, but plenty of guys do. And, unfortunately, most of these dudes are married.

The other group of guys I know never discuss sex, make a sexual comment or even crack a joke about sex.

I find that most of these guys are married or involved in a one-on-one relationship. They don’t “cheat”, but many times they fall in love with other people. When things don’t work out, they divorce and get right back into a one-on-one relationship, many times with someone they fell for when they were married.

They don’t like dating and they find comfort in always having a special someone at their side. I don’t know what you call these guys, but I’ve heard them referred to as serial monogamists. Since I do not fall into this camp, I don’t have as good a grasp on what’s going through their heads when it comes to sex. Do they think about it as much as I do? Are they repressed? Why do they go from one relationship to the next? I don’t know. It seems like these fellas are not interested in recreational sex, but I could be wrong. Maybe they’re horn dogs also, but just more discreet.

I’m wondering if today’s women fall into the same two camps: lady horn dogs and serial monogamists. Maybe nowadays men and women actually do have the same perspectives about sex. But again, I’ll let the ladies decide.

And I’m not certain if there is anything we can do with these confessions and insights beyond being true to ourselves and fair-minded in how we see others. Sex is a personal issues and such a lightning rod subject in our society. The more dialogue we have about it, the better chance we have of understanding the opposite sex and ourselves. And that’s a good thing.

Is your guy a horn dog, and is that a bad thing?

Guy's Guy's Dating Basics - Part 1

Robert Manni - Friday, March 21, 2014


The more things change the more they stay the same.

Every day, month and year guys make the same basic errors in their efforts to woo a woman. With the advent of more and more technology, sometimes guys don’t even have to speak with a woman before “hanging out” with her in the hopes of getting some you know what. It’s a sad state of affairs that I felt compelled to tackle this post, but a Guy’s Guy does what’s necessary in the service of his fellow men and women. Because in a Guy’s Guy world, men and women win when they can both be at their best. So listen up fellas, and ladies, let me know how you feel about these five basic rules for men who are dating.

Respect.

You treat your best buds right. You split the last beer in the six- pack. You spring for the pizza delivered to your crib during the game.  But when it comes to women, you send them photos of your junk when you need a booty call. Not good. A rule of thumb is to treat the woman you are with, whether she is your girlfriend or someone you just met, with the same courtesy, generosity and respect that you do to your very best male friend.  She is a person, and an equal, who in most ways is just like you. And in most cases she’ll start off on her best foot by putting your needs before hers. Now of course not every woman fits this bill, but the women you want to be with do.

Call Her.

If you want to stand out from the crowd, pick up the phone and give her a call. It doesn’t matter if you’re set up a time to get together or confirming the location of your date. Notice, I said date, not hanging out. Women like hanging out, but they want to date a real man. So take a break from all the texting and call her. If your call goes to voicemail, leave a message. Don’t hang up assuming she’ll see your number and call back. And whatever it was that you wanted to talk about, make sure you tell her that you wanted to hear her voice. And if that’s not the case, why the hell are you seeing her anyway?

Be On Time.

See point one. Being on time is a sign of respect. Being late without a damn good excuse means that her time is not as valuable as yours. Women know this and do not like it when guys leave them sitting and waiting alone at a crowded bar or restaurant. If you make a habit of being late for your lady, other guys’ll hit her on, and eventually she’ll  consider the dudes who have their game on. That brings us to our next point.

Never Take A Woman For Granted.

So she really digs you and you’ve rumpled the sheets with her in every position imaginable. That does not mean she should be taken lightly or for granted. In fact, you should be treat her even better for all the things she’s done for you in and out of bed. This is an easy trap to fall into.  I’ve been there myself a few times before being dumped, and deservingly so.

Let Freedom Ring.

Being possessive or controlling is a sign of insecurity. Too many guys get their hackles up when another male takes a look at, or God forbid, says something to the women they’re with. Hey, I do not condone hitting on someone else’s date, but let’s keep things light and friendly. Not every guy is looking to jump your lady’s bones. And if you are that concerned about it, what do you do when she’s at work or out with her friends? My advice is to be confident and secure in that she chose you. Now it’s up to you to keep her interested and not screw things up.

The list of dating tips for guys goes on and on. Frankly, I’m just getting warmed up. If you take one thing away from this pointed rant it’s to treat others the way you want to be treated. And when it comes to a woman, treat her twice as well as you treat yourself. You’ll get lots of dates and the word will get around that you’re a guy who “gets it”.

Are you taking care of the basics when getting your dating game on?

Sex: How Does it Impact a Relationship?

Robert Manni - Thursday, January 23, 2014


Like snowflakes, no two people are alike.

The same goes for how they are wired, sexually. If one partner is a proponent of twice a day, every day, while the other is all about quality over quantity, can the relationship survive? I’m sure we’ve all been with partners of varying degrees of sexuality. Have you ever stepped back to consider if this was a cause of a break up? Here’s my list of Guy’s Guys considerations about the importance and role of sex in a relationship.

When it’s all about the sex.

Most of us have been in a relationship or two that were driven by sexuality. Every time you get together it’s a marathon. But can it work long term? Let’s discuss. Case in point: I dated a wonderful woman for exactly eighteen months. She’d drive to my beach house every Friday where we would remain in bed until she’d drive home on Sunday night. Of course we took a few breaks for meals, walks on the boardwalk or to check out a movie. But then it was back to the sack. We broke up suddenly—a random argument. I never considered repairing the damage of a hurtful comment. Looking back, the relationship worked out perfectly for our year and a half together before it hit a wall. Was our relationship too one-dimensional? Maybe. When it was over, it was over.

Another case study: When I first moved into NYC I had so much sex with a woman I met that I did not even know that she had moved into my flat. She was an amazing physical specimen with a face and body that even caused a car accident when dude was rubbernecking while she crossed the street. When we were together, other women looked at me like I was Don Juan, probably thinking that I had some special mojo. We talked sports and music, but sex dominated our relationship and again it ended in a flash. It was worth it, but I’m not sure if our sole focus on sex contributed to our love’s ultimate demise.

When sex is not the only thing.

I have been involved in a number of meaningful relationships with fantastic women where the sex was good, but never quite at the core of the relationship. I wanted it to be, but I solely trusted my “you know what” when it came to carnal attraction. Over time, I learned that given a chance, sex could improve when you open your heart.

I began to value the companionship as much as the sex, knowing that the attraction would grow if I focused more on the person inside and not just how she looked in heels and a back teddy. That’s when I discovered that the quiet ones— ladies who don’t smoke, drink or take drugs are often sexual volcanoes. And invariably these women were highly intelligent and great companions. Then I met my wife. She gets check plusses across the board and I’m a happy and fulfilled guy.

Okay, Guy’s Guy, what’s the point of all of these random tales of your sexual escapades? The point is, sex is a personal issue. It’s whatever you want it to be. It can be a journey or a special bond between two people. It’s a gift and a game where each couple gets to make up the rules. So whether it’s twice a day every day or once a week with feeling, sex should be treated with reverence and respect. It’s also about self-discovery. It symbolizes the wonder, magic and spontaneity of life.  If you open our heart, magic can happen. It’s up to you to find out. Play safe and enjoy the ride.

How important is sex in your relationship?

How to Handle a Breakup

Robert Manni - Friday, October 25, 2013


Nothing lasts forever, especially when we’re dating.

At one point or another, everyone gets dumped. Sometimes it comes as a surprise. It can be emotional. It can feel like the end of the world, but it’s not. We survive, and in most cases, we look back a year later and consider how better off we are and why the heck we stuck in that other relationship for that long. So, it’s important that we handle the drama and the deluge when it happens. Here are my four tips for handling a break up, Guy’s Guy style. 

Don’t take it personally.

This is the biggest challenge. When we get dumped, we automatically think there's something wrong with us. We feel inadequate and insecure. How could he or she not love me anymore? Of course it would be helpful to know if some part of our behavior had become a deal breaker, but that might not be the case. He or she might just not be feelin’ it anymore. Maybe they connected with someone else (it happens), or they evolved in a way that the two of you remaining together just didn’t fit in with their plans. Hey, none of those options strokes our ego, but it’s not a condemnation of us. It is about them and sometimes facing the facts softens the blow. After all, who wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with us?

Be careful how you rebound.

Naturally, if our ex hooks up with someone new, we might want to show them a thing or two by showing a new partner a thing or two or three in the sack. Take that, MF! That might be a fun way of expunging the past, but it can make us feel worse. Maybe not, but that kind of sex is usually purely physical while the hurt is emotional. Take steps to get your head on straight and address your emotions prior to hooking up.

Don’t take it out on your next partner.

Whether you decide to date up a storm or just hook up for awhile (again, I recommend dealing with the emotional baggage first), make sure that you don't take your breakup frustrations out on someone new. Regardless of the situation, they need to be treated with the same respect that you seek. Let’s not turn things into a subconscious, vicious circle of “he or she hurt me, so I’ll hurt you”. That reckless behavior of defeats the purpose of starting fresh and it actually ends up hurting us because we are not acting out of love.

Stay positive and treat yourself.

Love hurts, and when we face up to the fact that our partner may no longer feel the same way about us, it can be devastating. Take heed, friends. You are not alone. We’ve all been dumped and after licking our emotional wounds, we deserve a treat. Take a vacation, join a club, take a fitness class or just do something that your ex wasn’t into that you missed out on because he or she wouldn't participate. Who knows? You might meet someone new in that kick boxing class. I met a lot of really cool women when I went online for datessome became lovers, some became friends, and some I never saw again. In any case, I met new people with new ideas from all over the country and the world, and it really is a big world out there. And you're an important part of it because, after all, there is no one quite like you. But, that’s for your new partner to find out. Good luck and stay positive! 

How do you cope with a breakup?

Five Tips to Keep Her Happy

Robert Manni - Thursday, October 03, 2013


Women are easy to please.

Really?  Yes—trust me. I’ve learned the hard way, and I continue to learn every day. Like most men, I used to view women as beautiful, exotic, unpredictable creatures; nearly impossible to figure out. I wasn’t doing the math. When guys don’t address the basics, women get complicated quickly. Like they said in Shrek, it’s all about the layers. Here are a few tips for guys that might help them keep their partners happy and their relationships on course, Guy’s Guy style.  Share them, ladies, and you might see a change for the better.

Clean Up Your Act.

Regardless of how tidy a woman may or may not be, she’s delighted when a man keeps his crib, car, clothes and body squeaky clean and smelling good. Special attention is required for the refrigerator, sink, and especially the bathroom. She’ll notice. Keeping clean is a positive way to live and it'll help guys score a check-plus on the first date and beyond. It may also up his chances at her wanting to see if his sheets and tighty whities are clean, as well. Once into a relationship, guys need to set the bar high. That means cleaning up around the house, taking out the garbage and vacuuming etc. It’s got to be done anyway, and she’ll notice.

Be Proactive.

If a woman has to keep drilling a guy about doing every little thing that’s expected, he’ll stay in the doghouse. It’s critical for men to take care of things on their own without having to be asked a million times. No one wants to be a nag, but she’ll seem like one if he doesn’t think ahead. Want to avoid “the talk”?  Anticipate a woman’s needs and address them. Surprise her with flowers, reservations at a restaurant she’s mentioned, cook her a tasty meal, order tickets for that play she wanted to see, etc. It all comes down to…

Paying Attention.

I know you've heard this one before. Even I still mess up at times. Guys have to stop thinking about themselves 24/7 and show more consideration for the one who keeps them happy. When they don’t, things get tricky and guys hear about it at the most inopportune times. I got an earful the other night right after settling in for the second half of the Cowboys-Giants game. She made a lot of great points, but maybe she should have been paying attention also—after all, she knows I’m a big Cowboys fan. Regardless, her points were on target, so I maintained eye contact throughout the “discussion”, actively listened and took her suggestions to heart.

Tell Her How You Feel.

When something’s wrong with a relationship guys often choose one of two courses of action. They do something about it or they leave. I’m not suggesting men are well adjusted in this area, but it’s usually how we roll. We’re not very good with addressing relationship issues. We try to fix things instead of discussing what’s wrong, the way women do. Men can work wonders if they listen with an open mind and express how they feel at the appropriate time. That’s not too much to ask.

Sex?

I won't go into the details, but women reward men who are creative, attentive, romantic and aim to please their partner. It’s that simple.

There are many more ways for men to keep their relationships on course, but ultimately it comes down to mutual love and respect. Men and women want the same things; they just have different ways of expressing themselves. But, that’s a good thing, isn’t it? It would be a drag if everyone were the same.

Does your guy do what it takes to keep you happy?


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