It's an age-old question. But what's the age-old answer that no woman wants to hear? Because they can.
Just ask General Petraeus. Oops. I let that one slip out, didn’t I? Now that I’ve got your attention, let’s dig into the minds of men and explore this provocative subject. Please don’t shoot the messenger; your Guy’s Guy is here to serve and inform. That’s it. I’m not an expert, but I do have relevant experience. In fact, during a relationship from my distant past, I made a conscious decision and cheated. I’m not proud of it, but it was my choice to hop into the sack with that gorgeous Chinese woman from my office. As a result, I learned a lot about my current relationship and why it wasn't working, and I paid a price for my indiscretion. I was just twenty-five and I had to have her. That’s it. The reasons that men cheat are many, but it always comes down to one constant—individual choice.
A recent study by the University of Indiana in Bloomington found that the main cause of men’s cheating was “sexual excitability”. No surprise here. Women’s rationale was a bit more adult. They were either “unhappy in their relationships” or “did not share similar sexual beliefs with their partner”. According to this study, the percentage of men cheaters still outnumbers women, but the gap is narrowing. No surprise here either.
Can looks kill a relationship?
We all know Al Gore’s film, An Inconvenient Truth, yet we are only now experiencing the major consequences of global warming. Here’s another simple truth: your guy notices the women parading by him every day. Women are taking better care of themselves than ever and they look fantastic. And guys are visual. Houston, we have a problem.
You know that gleam in his eye when you strut across the room in that little black teddy and those five-inch heels? Yeah, that look. It’s because he thinks you’re hot. That’s one reason he’s with you. It’s a compliment. He’s not objectifying you or diminishing your worth. For better or for worse, he’s just being a guy. When a hot woman catches his eye, he might wonder what it would be like getting up close and personal with her. Thankfully, this is where the fantasy usually ends. But, there are guys who feel entitled and don’t bother controlling their urges. The flirting begins, and before you know it, he’s messed up a good thing. Old story, same ending. Invariably though, it was a mindful choice.
You’re probably thinking, “Hey, Guy’s Guy, what am I supposed to do? Put on a lingerie show every night just to keep his attention?”
That would be cool, but no, that’s not the answer. The bars, clubs, and gyms are filled with pretty women who leave little to the imagination. Of course he notices, and in moderation, that’s okay. You’re looking too, at both the women and the men. But a man shouldn’t crane his neck and gape at every pretty woman who passes by. It’s disrespectful and an indicator that he’s in the market for something new. He needs to be paying attention to you. And if he’s not, he could be focused on someone else. I realize that this is not a solution. But I know that when a guy pays attention to his partner he is less likely to be looking elsewhere. So, by whatever means necessary, make him pay attention…to you.
The difference between one guy and another comes down to…
…his choices. One of the greatest challenges men have is managing their inner horn dog. That means not cheating. My novel, The Guys' Guy's Guide To Love, deals with this topic. Guys are obsessed with sex, and to many dudes, cheating is just a word. It’s about the thrill and getting laid. But, things aren’t that simple for us Homo sapiens are they?
Life and love are comprised of free will and a man is defined by his decisions. To grow, he needs to do the right thing. It takes time, but many men have made a conscious decision to be faithful. You're not going to be able to change the male DNA, but you can determine if a guy is right for you through his actions. It’s about free will and choices—his, and yours.
Are you making the right choices about your relationship?