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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

Why Do Men Cheat?

Robert Manni - Tuesday, January 08, 2013


It's an age-old question. But what's the age-old answer that no woman wants to hear? Because they can.

Just ask General Petraeus. Oops. I let that one slip out, didn’t I? Now that I’ve got your attention, let’s dig into the minds of men and explore this provocative subject. Please don’t shoot the messenger; your Guy’s Guy is here to serve and inform. That’s it. I’m not an expert, but I do have relevant experience. In fact, during a relationship from my distant past, I made a conscious decision and cheated. I’m not proud of it, but it was my choice to hop into the sack with that gorgeous Chinese woman from my office. As a result, I learned a lot about my current relationship and why it wasn't working, and I paid a price for my indiscretion. I was just twenty-five and I had to have her. That’s it. The reasons that men cheat are many, but it always comes down to one constant—individual choice.

The Causes

A recent study by the University of Indiana in Bloomington found that the main cause of men’s cheating was “sexual excitability”. No surprise here. Women’s rationale was a bit more adult. They were either “unhappy in their relationships” or “did not share similar sexual beliefs with their partner”. According to this study, the percentage of men cheaters still outnumbers women, but the gap is narrowing. No surprise here either.

Can looks kill a relationship?

We all know Al Gore’s film, An Inconvenient Truth, yet we are only now experiencing the major consequences of global warming. Here’s another simple truth: your guy notices the women parading by him every day. Women are taking better care of themselves than ever and they look fantastic. And guys are visual. Houston, we have a problem.

You know that gleam in his eye when you strut across the room in that little black teddy and those five-inch heels? Yeah, that look. It’s because he thinks you’re hot. That’s one reason he’s with you. It’s a compliment. He’s not objectifying you or diminishing your worth. For better or for worse, he’s just being a guy. When a hot woman catches his eye, he might wonder what it would be like getting up close and personal with her. Thankfully, this is where the fantasy usually ends. But, there are guys who feel entitled and don’t bother controlling their urges. The flirting begins, and before you know it, he’s messed up a good thing. Old story, same ending. Invariably though, it was a mindful choice.

You’re probably thinking, “Hey, Guy’s Guy, what am I supposed to do? Put on a lingerie show every night just to keep his attention?”

That would be cool, but no, that’s not the answer. The bars, clubs, and gyms are filled with pretty women who leave little to the imagination. Of course he notices, and in moderation, that’s okay. You’re looking too, at both the women and the men. But a man shouldn’t crane his neck and gape at every pretty woman who passes by. It’s disrespectful and an indicator that he’s in the market for something new. He needs to be paying attention to you. And if he’s not, he could be focused on someone else. I realize that this is not a solution. But I know that when a guy pays attention to his partner he is less likely to be looking elsewhere. So, by whatever means necessary, make him pay attention…to you.

The difference between one guy and another comes down to…

…his choices. One of the greatest challenges men have is managing their inner horn dog. That means not cheating. My novel, The Guys' Guy's Guide To Love, deals with this topic. Guys are obsessed with sex, and to many dudes, cheating is just a word. It’s about the thrill and getting laid. But, things aren’t that simple for us Homo sapiens are they?

Life and love are comprised of free will and a man is defined by his decisions. To grow, he needs to do the right thing. It takes time, but many men have made a conscious decision to be faithful. You're not going to be able to change the male DNA, but you can determine if a guy is right for you through his actions. It’s about free will and choices—his, and yours.

Are you making the right choices about your relationship?

The Guy To Avoid - You've Been Warned

Robert Manni - Wednesday, August 08, 2012

            

You’ve been enjoying your summer of love, let your hair down, and met some interesting guys – maybe even someone you think is extra special. But before you get too cozy you may want to do a quick reality check with man about town Rod, the quintessential Guy’s Guy who bats for the ladies by dishing out the truth about men.  Rod is the pseudonym of Max Hallyday, the protagonist in my novel The Guys’ Guy’s Guide To Love. In the novel, Rod teaches women how to win by penning a column exposing the deepest and darkest dating secrets of men.  Here’s one for all you ladies who deserve a man that’s worthy of you.

 

The Guy To Avoid, Part Two    

We all know him. He’s the guy we just can’t resist, even if you’re a guy and he’s one of your friends. Maybe he’s a bit taller and better looking, his words flow as naturally as honey from a comb, and everything seems to fall the right way for him. And I’ll bet if YOU were a guy, you’d want to be just like him and have your way with all of those silly girls you know. And so we’re drawn to him like moths to a flame, and eventually our wings are singed. Because, ladies, it is all about him, and if you don’t figure that out early in the game, you’ll find out the hard way. And I know that no matter how clear a picture I paint of this sociopath, a lot of you will succumb to his charms anyway. He’s that good at what he does. It’s understandable, because we all want to know why his world seems like a cooler place that the one I’ll face every day. He has a gift, and he uses it on you.    

We’re infatuated by his clever comments and his version of the truth. He weaves his verbal tapestry effortlessly. He’s funny and clever and he looks right into your eyes while flashing that trademark smile. Pretty soon, ladies, you’re in his apartment and on your back. And before you know it, your heart’s been broken. You might take it out on the next suitor who comes calling. Let him pay for that other guy’s sins while he moves on to the next woman. So it becomes a vicious cycle of who can get what from the opposite sex until it grinds down our collective innocence like grist for the mill.  

Not a very pretty picture, is it? Remember ladies, you asked for the truth. So what can a nice girl like you do to protect herself from this testosterone-fueled guided missile shooting through the city? I can share a few pointers about him, but ultimately, you’re on your own. He prefers the good-looking ones. He says that beautiful women are more interesting because they’re taken to the best places, unlike some of their less physically gifted sisters who spend too many Saturday nights at home on the couch becoming even less interesting.  

Oops. That hurts, doesn’t it? This is what he believes and his behavior reflects these twisted, cynical thoughts. But when he’s with you, he makes you feel like the prettiest girl in the room. He focuses on you like a prowling jungle cat hungry for those pretty gazelles that run so fast and taste so good. So he stays close and listens and watches until he makes his move. And when he’s done with you and that body you worked on all winter in those torturous Pilates and spin classes, he licks his lips and moves on, temporarily satiated until the next pretty one comes along.  

He’s always one step ahead of you. He goes the extra mile, putting two profiles on those online dating profiles because he says it casts a wider net.  He deletes the leftovers and keeps moving. With the time he invests in hunting, he learns your habits and what you respond to. He talks freely about how awesome his last girlfriend was and how they are still friends. And, oh yeah, it was totally his fault that the relationship didn’t work out. But he knows better now, because of what he’s lost. And yes, ladies, he’s ready for a committed relationship. At least that’s what he says. Just don’t gain any weight, have a painful period, let your boobs sag or any gray hairs show, and never back off on giving him that oral sex that he craves, because if you do, he’s gone. He meets women everywhere. And he sees through lots of women like you who live in New York, no matter how confident they act or deep down how alone and insecure they sometimes feel.  

Now don’t get mad. You asked. So protect yourself, and keep asking all of these questions that can reveal a man’s true character. I don’t mean what school he attended or how much money he makes at that hedge fund where he works. I mean you need to find out how he treats people, like his family and friends and other women, because that’s what really counts. Do whatever is necessary to find out if he’ll respect the most important relationship of his life: that special relationship with you.  

Until next time,  

Rod  

Guy's Guy of the Week: Derek Jeter -  not the one to avoid, but a Guy's Guy who knows how to score on and off the field.  



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