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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

The Guys' Guy's Guide to Online Dating (Part 3)

Robert Manni - Monday, May 23, 2016


I was still determined to master the art of online dating by using my skills as a long-term marketer and advertiser. I reminded myself that my profile was not for me. I was not the customer. My profile was for the person I wanted to date.

So I reviewed my profile and once again asked myself what I wanted, what made me different, and what I had to offer a woman. It’s easy to be self-critical, but we’re all special in some ways. I identified the qualities that I thought separated me from the herd and asked a few women I knew if they agreed. I asked them what they looked for in a man. Most of them wanted to date a guy with a job, a dream, confidence, and a sense of humor, kindness, and relatively good looks.  I used this feedback in my profile and made sure there were no typos or grammatical errors. I also changed my specs for the type of women I was interested in meeting. I realized I wanted to date women who knew what they wanted, shared my values, and were emotionally available. Finally, I expanded my geographic search parameters beyond the world of Manhattan and the ‘lists’. You may have read about women’s lengthy lists of must-have qualities men need to have to be even considered datable. My advice? Shake it off. Be yourself because nothing beats authenticity. Ultimately, everyone wants to be with someone who’s interested in the real person, not the “best front” we sometimes present during our initial weeks of a courtship.

Then I went back online. I decided to keep my contact rules in place before meeting anyone in person. If things did not feel right when we met, I wouldn’t waste our time. I’d share a drink and move on. However, even if there was no spark or the possibility of a romantic connection, it was important to treat the women I met respectfully. In today’s digital dating scene, it’s easy to disappear like a ghost or simply delete someone with a keystroke, but we’re dealing with people who are just like us. People who have feelings and who are also searching for a connection. So if there was no real chemistry with my date, I did my best to keep the conversation going until she finished her cocktail. It was the least I could do. As a result, some of the women that I met became friends. In fact, a few of them even set me up on dates with their cute friends. It pays to be nice.

With my newly updated profile, I was getting better responses from women than when I first signed up. When I saw someone I was attracted to, I read her profile a few times to get a sense of whom she really was. I made sure her bio wasn’t laced with, “Me, me, me…” or  “I don’t like…” I’d send a brief note— never a wink or a poke. I’d also mention something she had included in her profile—maybe that Korean dish she made or her recent trip to a yoga retreat. I might also add something about me that wasn’t in my profile. If she replied, I’d respond with another short note and my phone number, full name and personal email address. This way she could Google me to make sure I wasn’t an axe-murderer. If everything checked out, I’d suggest that all important phone call. Most women sent back their phone number so I could initiate the first call.

If the call went well, I’d suggest meeting for a glass of wine or coffee depending on her preference. A word of caution—no matter how great things might feel during the email and phone call, don’t invite someone to dinner without first meeting them in person. As mentioned, the vibe could change dramatically when meeting for the first time, and first dates can take bad turns. If you have dinner with someone you’ve never met and there’s no chemistry, it can make for a long, uncomfortable, and often awkward evening.

As I continued to date, I also continued to fine-tune my set of rules. I found that when meeting someone new, it was best to make it a short night. If things were clicking, I’d suggest a second glass of wine. If things were really going well, I’d offer to take her someplace else for a quick bite. Then I’d call it a night and hail her a cab. I found that a show of restraint added a sprinkle of mystery and stoked the anticipation of a second date. Soon I was dating more and more interesting women—clothing designers, entrepreneurs, fitness models, photojournalists, and teachers, along with selected professionals and corporate types. Most importantly, I was connecting with almost every woman. After a few months of non-stop dating, I got into a relationship with an attractive woman, took a break from the site, and dated for a year. After the relationship ran its course, I logged back on the site, reviewed my profile yet again, made a few more tweaks and in no time began dating like crazy for another year. My online dating system was working like a well-oiled machine.  Having a clear set of rules helped, but I soon found out that, as in life, when it comes to online dating there are no unbreakable rules.

Like other indulgences, online dating has a shelf life. I reached a point where I was content. My system was doing a lion’s share of the work. Dating had become easy. And as soulless as it sounds to me now, at the time, I thought I’d be happy dating for the rest of my life. Everything changed though late one night when I logged onto the site. A new woman had winked at me. She was pretty, even if her photo was a random late night selfie without makeup. I was intrigued by her photo and by the carefree flow of her profile. So I began the usual process. I emailed her and she replied the following day. We exchanged another email. The vibe felt right so I sent her my number and suggested a phone call. However, this woman did not think that a phone call was necessary. She suggested that we meet in person. I wrote back, trying my best to arrange a phone call, but she again declined. What about my rules?  I needed to make a decision.

I was torn. My rules worked. Why should I change? I read her profile again and stared at her cute photo before my intuition kicked in. This feels right, so, what the hell? It’s just a rule that I made up. We skipped the call and met on a balmy July evening. Things went well. Real well. And I wanted to see her again. I followed up by text after our date and we got together again the following week. Out of curiosity I looked up her profile again, but it was gone. When we got together for dinner I asked why her profile was hidden. She told me that she’d only signed up on the site for a three-day trial. Since she had a good time she wanted to give us a chance. She saw no reason to stay active on the site. I wisely deleted my account shortly after and we were engaged one year later. We’ve been married for six years. I know now that online dating is an art, not a science. It’s okay to go with your gut and break your rules now and then.

The bottom line is that if you pay attention to what you are putting out and who you are, online dating can be fun and fruitful. You might stub your toe and get your heart broken a few times along the way, but you can win. Always show respect for yourself and the people you meet. And, don’t take anything too seriously. Remember; dating and meeting new people can be an adventure, not something that creates anxiety. If you take the time to build your personal brand (know yourself, what you want, and what you have to offer), communicate clearly both online and in person, and display the confidence from a well-lived life, you’ll be on your way to making the right connections.

The Guys' Guy's Guide to Online Dating (Part 2)

Robert Manni - Monday, May 16, 2016


It’s said that necessity is the mother of invention. I couldn’t agree more.

Take my experience for instance in online dating. After being with a woman for five years, one day she said that the relationship was over. I’d always thought that when a woman had issues with the relationship, her guy would be the first person to know. I assumed that the woman would want to have, you know—the talk. But in this case, she packed up her bags and was gone. I found out a few weeks later that she had already moved in with another guy. I was blindsided and devastated. Man, I was pissed off. But once I had time to really think about our relationship, my emotions shifted from pain to relief. I realized our relationship really hadn’t been working and I owned up to my share of why it went wrong. I asked myself if I wanted to be with a woman who was unhappy and didn’t want to be with me. And the answer was, of course, I didn’t. I was glad it was over.

It took some time, but I licked my wounds and self-assessed. I definitely did not want to make the same mistakes again. When I felt I was ready to meet new women, I realized, most of my friends were married and had kids, so they were not going out to meet women with me. So, initially I returned to my old habits of trolling the bars, gyms, classes, and bookstores alone. Hunting as a lone wolf soon proved to be a tough world for a guy over forty, especially after years of being in a live-in relationship. So much had changed that soon, there was no fun going out on my own. After a few lonely Friday and Saturday nights, I had to do something new. I decided to give online dating a try.

I signed up at the most popular online dating site. Like most guys, I slapped together my profile and anxiously dove into the fray. At first, I perused only the women with pretty pictures and pursued dates solely based on women’s photos. As a result, I met a lot of attractive women. I’d sit across from them thinking, they’re nice looking, but where’s the ‘spark’? Something was definitely wrong. I was not using the head perched on my shoulders to make my decisions. I was wasting a lot of time and money meeting the wrong women. I needed a reboot. The best thing I did was to take a break and hide my profile. I reviewed my personal brand (who I was, what I was looking for, and what I had to offer) and reworked my profile making sure it had the right messaging and photos to attract the type of partner I was looking for. This was the first important step in developing an online routine that finally worked for me.

After reposting my profile with a new headline, photo, and bio I went back to the work of dating. I set a few directional rules for myself. I decided not to invest too much time with online connections I met online before deciding whether or not to move forward. I’d exchange a few emails, maybe starting with a compliment or question about something in her profile. Then, if I liked her response I’d decide to talk on the phone. The call was always helpful. Nowadays, after a text or a tweet, people meet up without having a call. I wouldn’t take that chance too readily. The energy exchanged when emailing or texting is quite different than what we experience on a call. I’ve had experiences where the emails would flow with wit and élan, then come to an awkward silence when I got them on the phone. And even if that first call lasted an hour it did not guarantee success. Very often the energy dramatically changes, again, when we meet someone in person for the first time. I’ve found that we can’t control chemistry, and it’s impossible to predict. I paid attention to how the energy felt at every touch point—from first contact online to email, then to a phone call before asking a woman for a date. All this saved a lot of time and disappointment.

In time, I learned that, like my initial foray into online dating, other people also charged in without figuring out what they wanted from the experience. There were a lot of lonely people out there. And many of them were over forty and desperate for love and attention. They’d sign up on a dating website in haste and plunge into the unchartered online dating waters like new members of the Polar Bear Club on January 1st. After a few failed dates and often the icy chill of rejection, many singles withdrew from these websites as quickly as they dove in.

Here’s an example of what happened while I was developing my online dating chops. I met a woman for a date at a bar in Manhattan’s Flatiron district. She was a senior-level television executive. She was attractive, successful, and immaculately dressed in a white designer suit. We’d exchanged two short emails and a quick phone call before agreeing to meet after work. Everything felt good and I was looking forward to our date. Over small talk and a glass of wine I sensed the tension in her voice and body. I asked her about her job, thinking that she’d had a tough day. She told me she worked in television ad sales and she was having a banner year. So I asked her how long she’d been dating online. She said I was her first date. She’d signed up for the service the day after her long-term boyfriend dumped her. Initially, I thought that was a favorable omen for rebound sex, but she was so out of sync that I didn’t want to get intimate with someone in her vulnerable state of mind. I asked her if she had considered taking some time for herself before jumping back into the dating scene. Her eyes welled up with tears. Then she said, “I don’t want to be alone.” Sadly, this attractive, high-powered television executive was an emotional shambles.

This was not the first time I met someone who was obviously not ready to date. I consoled her over a Chardonnay before grabbing the check and hailing her a cab. The following day, Ms. TV Executive sent me a lovely email, thanking me for being so understanding. But our short night was another reminder that I needed to do a better job when screening dates. I was still doing something wrong. Many of the women I had met were fun online and on the phone, but uptight and anxious in person. Between learning about their lists of must-haves or surviving first dates that felt like job interviews, this online dating thing was quickly lose its appeal. I realized that I kept going out with women who reminded me of my ex—corporate stars who were not enjoying the ride. It was time for another break from the site.

To be continued…

The Guys' Guy's Guide to Online Dating (Part 1)

Robert Manni - Friday, May 06, 2016


When I was in my twenties, I met women the old fashioned way. This was before the age of ubiquitous cell phones, female wingmen, and dating apps. In the old days, drumming up the nerve to approach a woman took courage.

Like a lot of young men I wasn’t always comfortable in my own skin.  If I saw a lady who appealed to me, I’d drum up the courage to greet her with a friendly hello. Then, hopefully, I’d come up with something to say, an interesting question, or anything to keep things going. It was a challenge, but over time, I developed a decent rap. Sometimes I’d lose my nerve and stand at the bar too long nursing my Amstel Light. So, I’d lose out to some other guy who’d beat me to the punch. I met a lot of women and sure, I got shot down plenty of times too, but it was all part of putting myself on the front lines.

In many ways, meeting women the old fashioned way was a lot like sales. To succeed you needed to know who you were and what you had to offer. You had to qualify your prospect quickly so you wouldn’t waste time with someone who was married or in a committed relationship. Most importantly, you needed to know how to strike up a conversation and close the deal. So, I learned how to ask the right kind of questions, and stay positive in the face of rejection, and how to overcome obstacles to make a connection. Over time, I became fearless and experienced a lot of success. I met women in bars, gyms, laundry mats, libraries, bookstores, buses, airplanes, or just about anywhere. And, beyond ‘winning’ at the mating game, meeting women was fun.

But the times have changed. Technology has now made men lazy. These days, a guy can score dates with smart, successful, attractive women while sitting at home in his tighty-whiteys by just plinking on his laptop. All of the apps and websites have made it very convenient for men to meet women. You could say that technology has made dating much, much easier. But, hold on. From what I can tell, technology can only take you so far. Whether you are a man or woman, to make a real connection with a member of the opposite sex you still need self-confidence, conversational skills, a sense of humor, and a dash of self-deprecation.

There's still a lot to be said from those days when a man had to learn how to approach a woman, face-to-face, literally on the front lines. Men used to study ‘pick-up’ lines and share the best ones with their pals. It took a lot of nerve to step up to the plate and simply be you.

Here is a scenario of how things might have played out back in the day. A guy walks into a bar. He scans the room and takes the seat next to a pretty woman sitting alone nursing a glass of wine. He settles in and orders a beer. Out of the corner of his eye he casually checks out the woman seated next to him. Sensing his gaze, she takes out a cigarette. He strikes a match and holds it out for her. She exhales smoke, smiles and thanks him. “Hi, I’m Lou,” he says. “Cindy,” she responds. From here, anything could happen. That’s how lots of guys met women before technology took over our lives and smoking was banned in bars.

If that scene were replayed today, the woman at the bar would probably be on her phone texting or checking emails. She might not notice the guy sitting next to her and he might not even look up from his phone to notice her. The guy would probably order a beer, place his phone on the bar and stare up at the bar’s two-dozen giant television screens. Between sips of beer, he’d check his phone. Maybe he’d check his online dating app to see if anyone in the bar was on the same service. Then, when his friends would show up, all the guys would stand around drinking, watching the games and discussing their fantasy sports teams. Meanwhile, the attractive woman seated next to them, would greet her cute friend’s arrival and the ladies would probably chat over a drink before moving to a table to discuss their jobs and talk about why there are no good men around.

While technology has made things really convenient in a lot of ways, the problem is that people, today, are distracted by waves of ubiquitous media. Most people have trouble being present in the world directly around them and this makes it hard for them to connect. These days, when young people go out, an impenetrable wall of phones, apps, emails, texts, TV’s and a closed circle of friends usually surround them. In most cases, they don’t organically engage with new people. This brings along a new set of challenges to dating in today’s tech-driven culture. It seems that to succeed in today’s fast-paced scene, you need a blend of digital dexterity and that, all-important, old school charm. The digital portion of the equation is relatively easy to pick up. But knowing how to strike up a good conversation and converse with confidence and finesse takes time. But it’s worth it. In this area, daters over forty a big advantage over younger daters who rely too heavily on their cell phones, iPads, and laptops to communicate.

The trick is to learn your way around today’s digital dating landscape while deploying your old school charm. If you want to succeed, you need to stay up-to-date on the multitude of digital dating tools and apps. It’s critical that you learn how to communicate quickly and effectively through your digital device. His will get you half way to the finish line. I’ve learned that to win, you still need to be fluent in the art of conversation and flirtation. That can only take place in person. After all, no matter how much game and witty repartee you may demonstrate in your texts or emails, eventually you’ll find yourself face to face with the object of your desire. That’s the only place where real chemistry can happen.  

To be continued…

How to Date Like a Champ in 2016

Robert Manni - Friday, January 22, 2016


It is the best of times and the worst of times…for dating. Modern life moves quickly. We want what we want, and we want it right now. We don’t have time to suffer fools when searching for our perfect match. With the advent of dating apps and websites, if you master the moves of the digital dating game, your pipeline of prospects can be filled to the brim. After all, you can set up a month’s worth of dates while sitting at home in your tighty-whiteys watching the Rangers game. And if you don’t dig that new connection, they’re gone with a keystroke. So what’s the problem, Guy’s Guy?

Like I said, it’s both the best and worst of times for dating. When we indulge in too much of a good thing, like ice cream, expensive bourbon, or for some guys strip clubs and recreational drugs, we lose our appreciation, our purpose, and our cash. To succeed at dating in 2016 we have to manage our minds, our hearts, and our balls or else we can waste a lot of time, effort, and money.

So, here is a Guys' Guy's refresher course for dating like a pro in today’s whacked out singles scene. And this goes for the ladies also. Drum roll please…

Know who you are and what you want – In many ways, dating successfully is like running a solid advertising campaign. You need to know who you are, what makes special, and what your target market is looking for. Sounds simple, right? You’d be surprised, amigo, by how many singles are flailing about in a desperate effort to find someone to care for them. It’s sad. Don’t date those people, at least not until they figure out who they are and what they want. Focus on you, your personal brand, and what you want.

Making tech work for you – I’m assuming most guys, and many women, favor digital apps for making connections. They may be efficient, but digital apps alone will not make you a winner in the dating game. Between Tinder, Match, OK Cupid, Bumble, Tangle, Hinge, and the like, you don’t need to be Ryan Gosling or a genius to connect online with a lot of really cool women. All you need to do is fill out your profile built around a positive overview of you and the type of person you’re searching for. Include a photo of yourself smiling, not smirking, with your shirt on and without your Mets cap worn backwards. If you want to date casually, say so. Unfortunately, that usually doesn’t work for guys unless they are on Tinder hitting on chicks in bars also looking for a hook up. Use spell check, be polite and ask open-ended questions that lead to an offline meet up. That means, being you and not behaving like the thousands of lazy horn dogs using digital apps for one reason to get laid.

Limit yourself to three dating apps at a time. Otherwise things can get out of hand quickly. You can get overloaded with prospects, which may sound like a good thing, but really isn’t. If you don’t take the time to sort through your prospects mindfully (I keep using that word for a reason), you may eliminate a potential keeper because of a minor nit like maybe she’s a Patriots fan. Don’t be that guy.

Offline is where we live - To make tech really work for you you’ll need your offline game in order. That means polishing your social skills and displaying casual confidence and integrity like knowing how to look into her eyes so she sees that you’re paying attention (without being creepy), and polishing your ability to close the deal. Of course you want to make a more intimate connection under the sheets, so you need to learn how to be intimate before getting intimate. So your goal in any dating engagement should be to move the landscape from online to offline. That’s how you will get to know one another in a real way.

And, you can’t build your offline game if you’re eyes are glued to your phone. Push yourself to chat up ladies where they livein the bars, after yoga class, waiting for coffee, in a bookstore, or anywhere women hang out. The point is, after you make a connection with a woman online or offline, you’ll spend 99% of your time together offline. Learn how to approach and talk to women. That means being friendly, smiling, and engaging in light conversation anywhere and everywhere women live. It’s called being a human being and it’s fun because most women are nice, even if they may not look that friendly with their puffy coats and ear buds on while riding the C train.

Be kind, be honest, make an effort – As described earlier, you can score dates in your tighty-whiteys, but don’t let that make you lazy and unappreciative. When dating a new woman, remember that she is a lady and deserves to be treated as such. If you are interested, explore her tastes, make a plan, and pick up the check on that first date if you ask her out. Yes, it’s old school, but most women will appreciate this rare display of chivalry and will not quibble over the check. If she insists on paying half (probably so she doesn’t think she owes you any favors), let her. It’s that simple. And if your date or the chemistry is not what you hoped for, don’t just bounce. You made a commitment to share a half hour with another well-intended human being. You can cut it off after one quick drink. And who knows? In that short time things could change or new information may surface that shifts the landscape. Maybe she becomes a friend, or she may have business contacts, or better yet she has some hot girlfriends that might make a better match for you. Just be nice. It’s not that difficult, amigo.

There’s more; lots more when it comes to dating in 2016. But if you take to heart what I’ve described above, I think you will find yourself in a really good place to manage your dating life like a champ. And that’s you, isn’t it?

This week’s GUY’S GUY OF THE WEEK is George Clooney. Why him, you ask? He was a long-term bachelor, but never a jerk to women as far as we know. He is smooth and unshakeable. He excels in the art of conversation. He is a philanthropist and an accomplished actor. And, oh by the way, he finally married a brilliant career woman who doesn’t need his star power. Yeah, he’s a certified Guy's Guy.

Ask The Guy's Guy: Meeting an Online Connection for the First Time

Robert Manni - Monday, September 21, 2015

Ask the Guy's Guy: How to Connect with Someone Online

Robert Manni - Friday, August 28, 2015

Technology and Dating: Boom or Bust?

Robert Manni - Friday, April 25, 2014


It’s the best of times and the worst of times.

The preponderance of technology into modern life has pulled the world closer together while at the same time creating more separation. Dating is a prime example of this technological fall out with both men and women paying a price. So let’s take a quick look at how technology and social media have enabled dating and also made it more challenging to find mate.

The good stuff.

Hooray for online dating. Everyone is busy and people don’t have the time to troll the bars and clubs to find their mate. Women can hang with their BFF’s while occasionally checking their phones for the next group of guys who reach out and tell them they’re hot.  And dudes can score dates with hot women while sitting at home in their tighty whiteys. Dating online is fast, empowering and fun. If you’re a guy, all you need is spell check, a photo with your shirt on and the patience to mindfully read woman’s person’s profile. After a short message or email you exchange digits and you’re off and running.

When you get together everything can change quickly. But so what if there aren’t any sparks? When you meet online, you can end it with one keystroke— delete. It’s generally considered that people we meet online are disposal and replaceable. That’s not necessarily fair, but it’s how the game is played. So if you can check your feelings at the door, you have a shot at finding a match. And millions do every day. My wife likes to say that she found me online and there are so many others who have found their soul mate online.

Things to keep in mind.

Not everyone has a thick skin and can deal with the cut and dry aspects of online dating. So we need to remind ourselves that there is a human being with real feelings and emotions person behind their online persona. Just because you met online doesn’t make he or she less deserving of your respect. Keep your standards high and don’t forget the words— please, excuse me, and thank you. And if she’s interested and it’s not a match at least let her know that there were no sparkles if she asks.

Another consideration is that, an itchy trigger finger on that delete button could prevent you from getting to know someone who is worth a little extra effort. Not everyone is consistently at the top of his or her game when flirting online or during that first meet up. That’s not to suggest that you waste your time on an obviously bad fit. But if you think about some of your best friends or lovers, did those relationships always begin under the best circumstances?

Oops.

Between Facebook, Twitter and Tinder we live in an age of maximum exposure. And once something finds its way online, it’s there forever. Keep that in mind next time you think it’s acceptable to sext pics of your junk to a lady or before you take that selfie while drinking from that bottle of chocolate whipped cream vodka. These might not be images you want to share with a prospective mate or potential employer.

Technology and social media can be a dater’s best friend or worst enemy.  Always remember that dating is a face-to-face activity. Keep it real, amigo.

This week’s Guy’s Guy of the Week is any dude who picks up the phone and asks a woman out instead of hitting her up by text to see if she wants to hang out. 

5 Ways Women Sabotage Themselves With Men

Robert Manni - Friday, February 07, 2014


You’ve got to be in it to win it.

This old saying refers to dating, too. I hear from so many women who complain that they're having such a hard time meeting the right guy. With everyone working at a frantic pace just to maintain the status quo, it’s no wonder that we have little patience left when it comes to dating. We want what we want now, right ladies? Well, your Guy’s Guy is here to bring you both the bad and the good news about meeting men. Hopefully it will get you what you want, when it you want it. Here are five ways women can sabotage themselves when connecting with guys.

Always Plugged In.

I can’t tell you how many times I decided not to introduce myself to a woman because she was wearing her ear buds or playing Candy Crush on the subway. I love my music, too, but living in New York City provides me with more than enough stimulation that I don't feel a need to stay plugged in 24/7. Countless guys have told me that this is the number one deterrent to politely approaching a woman. I can’t say how much is too much, but while you were listening to Rihanna sing about “talking that talk” the cute guy sitting across from you on the E train probably decided to “walk that walk” at the 5th Avenue station instead of introducing himself. Just sayin’. 

Not Fishing Where the Fish Are.

Where can I meet a nice guy? I’ve been asked that a lot. Look around—there are guys everywhere and they're usually open to chatting up a cute woman like you.  To be more specific, you can find guys in bars, gyms, and ball games. But if these places are not your cup of tea, check out wine-tasting classes, golf course, tech stores, museums, the park, the beach, or even the laundry mat. And that’s for starters.

Traveling In Packs.

Women's rise in professional power was long overdue. That being said, it can be daunting for a guy to approach a group of women sitting at a table at a club or a bar. It’s a pressure-packed situation that most men will shy away from. You can say it’s lame, but them’s the facts. Guys like to separate a woman from the group and that’s no easy task when all of her friends are looking him over and mentally judging his every word and move. Try going out with one girlfriend and sitting at the bar instead of a table.  You’ll meet plenty of guys that way. It’s up to you how to manage their advances and all the free drinks.

Sticking Too Closely Your List.

The longer you’re single, the longer the list grows. And before you know it, you’re plucking random gray hairs and sitting on the couch on Saturday night stroking your cat, Fluffy. Not a good look. Alright, I’m being dramatic; but trust me—time files and if you keep adding to your dating criteria, you’ll shrink the pool of available dudes. If your list is longer than five, it’s too long. Another thing to consider is that sometimes traveling off the grid reaps mega rewards. Think about it.

Tossing Him Back Too Soon.

I know there’s always more fish in that online dating ocean and it’s so easy to just delete him for something as minor as walking with you on the wrong side of the sidewalk. Take it from your Guy’s Guy—men screw up, but we are resilient and we aim to please. If you give a guy a second chance over a minor indiscretion (and I don’t mean cheating), you might find out something about what he’s got inside.

 

Are you taking steps not to sabotage yourself with guys?

How to Improve Your Chance for Romance

Robert Manni - Thursday, December 05, 2013


Once upon a time there was no Instagram, Tinder, Facebook, Match.com, Vine, and no sexting, texting, or even e-mail.

Can you imagine? If a young buck wanted to meet a nice lady, he’d take a deep breath, walk across the bar room, smile and say something clever like, “Hey, my name's Steve.”  If he was fortunate enough that she didn’t blow cigarette smoke his way, it was on him to keep the conversation going in the hopes of making a connection. This requires a real conversation, one that transcends discussing recent episodes of “The Walking Dead” or fantasy football.  Keep it real, amigo. Before we were drowning in technology, people were forced to connect face-to-face, person-to-person. It was a good way to foster social skills and the fine art of conversation. Instead of hiding behind cell phones and 140 characters on Twitter, dudes had to put themselves on the line in the hopes of as a way of making a woman feel special. With this in mind I humbly offer the Guys’ Guy’s four easy ways to polish your social skills and improve the chances for romance.

Put The Gadgets Away.

There's a million apps available to help guys out on the town connect with random women.  But texting a stranger from across the bar will not enhance your social élan. It’s much more effective to introduce yourself in person, like our friend Steve did all those years ago. Women prefer the direct approach. Just be a gentleman and don’t gawk at their boobs. When scoping out the female prospects, check the hair, the bag and the shoes. They’ll tell you a lot about a woman and how she sees herself. Once you decide whom you want to meet, think of an open-ended conversation starter that requires a real answer, not a yes or no. “Do you like pickle backs?” probably won’t get you far. Then, tuck that cell phone into your pocket, flash your best smile and make your approach.

Pay Attention.

This is the cardinal rule for connecting with women. That’s because women pay attention and have this amazing capacity to assimilate tons of detailed information about everything, including what you said two months ago about your ex. Men are not very good at this. But, guys who learn the value of active listening find themselves miles ahead of their beer swilling mates that half-listen to their female companions while they multitask by watching the game and checking for texts every two minutes. When talking with a lady, everything else takes a back seat. Period.

Get Real.

Unless you have major bank, can rhyme like Drake or look like Gosling, you are not a chick magnet. Life is not a Rick Ross video unless you are Rick Ross.  Take a deep breath, accept who you are at this moment, then smile inwardly and say, “Damn right!” It’s all good, young man. Not all women are built like fitness models and neither are you. Laugh with others, laugh at yourself and have fun meeting women. Maybe you hit it off conversationally with someone who may not be your cup of tea physically. Not a problem. You can be friends. She might make a terrific wingman, or you could be hers.  Better yet, she may have a slammin’ girlfriend that she’ll introduce you to if she hasn’t already set her sights on you. If that’s the case, be nice and be kind. Things usually work themselves out.

Follow Up.

If you master steps one through three and score her digits or more, make sure you stay the course and call her the next day. That means the next day, not next week. And it means a phone call, not a text, not a sext of your junk, or an Instagram, etc.  Let her know you had a great time with her and that you’d like to see her again. If she shares your interest, have a plan in mind. Trust me, she’ll be impressed that you’ve not only taken the time to call her, but you had the consideration to think ahead and make her life a tad easier. Woman may be more aggressive these days, but they appreciate a dude who can take the wheel and treat them special. And, women are special.

 

Are you polishing your socials skills and connecting with women?

How To Reel In A Great Catch By The End Of The Summer

Robert Manni - Wednesday, August 22, 2012


        


Fishing and dating - not so different 

Yes, we’re almost at the end of another steamy summer in the city. Whether it’s enjoying a Dunkin’ Donuts Coolatta, a frosty brew, or just slouching down in your seat in a cool dark movie theater everyone has their own special way of relaxing and keeping cool in the hot weather. I’m a beach Guy’s Guy and I prefer chilling at my place at the Jersey Shore. No GTL for me, but lots of time outdoors, playing golf, running on the boards, and enjoying the ocean. Come to think of it, last weekend I noticed a school of fish pass by while I was heading out to body surf. Unfortunately, the fish did not literally speak to me, but they did spark an idea about the correlations between dating and fishing so here are a few ideas to consider that might raise the tide to complete your Summer of Love. 

Check the surf.  They don’t call it surfing the internet without a good reason. This is 2012 and if you are between 21-50 and single…or not, you have probably dipped your toes into the online dating waters. And, why not? What once was considered an act of desperation is now the norm for most “swingles”. There is an endless wave of attractive, intelligent people many of them just like you who are just a click away on the myriad of dating sites that are now specialized to meet almost any criteria you can think of in a potential partner. Of course meeting new people the old fashion way like, “Hi, my name is Luke”, never goes out of style. But everyone is so busy and those iPod ear buds tend to get stuck into our ears, so actually meeting new people organically seems to have gone the way of the rotary phone for a great number of us. But, that’s for another blog post. This about getting online and putting your best face, er, I mean profile forward. 

 Fish where the fish are.  Old saying, still true. Besides surfing the internet for love, summer is the perfect time to get outside of your crib and meet new friends and lovers. If you are looking for a guy, you might find them running in the park, at a ball game, having a cocktail at a sports bar or cocktail lounge, or at an outdoor class like sailing or kayaking. Frankly, dudes are everywhere and in the warmer months, they can easily be spotted and captured outdoors. And if you are seeking a pretty lady, there is no better place to find them than a class, yoga, cooking or wine tasting, or at an outdoor café sipping Chardonnay with their best girlfriends. And don’t they look fine in those summer dresses or short shorts. 

Use the right bait. Okay it is summer, but you can do better than ordering hot dogs and then smothering them in ketchup on a first date. Okay, one frank if you are attending a cookout, especially since Labor Day is coming up, but don’t forget to throw some colorful veggies on that paper plate also. In these days of judging one another to no end, a new friend will check out what and how you eat. Think about that before putting on that white shirt, fellas. Speaking of which, if you are invited to a party, whether it is a barbeque or at a polo match, do your best to show up and dress appropriately. Yes I know they are back in “fashion”, but leave your oversized Hawaiian shirt where it belongs…in the closet. 

Get fishing and reel them in like a pro. Did I mention it’s almost the end of summer and if you haven’t already, it’s the time to cut loose and have some fun? Whether you are looking for a short, flirty fling or a more meaningful relationship now is the time to focus your attention on your goal and make it happen. I assure you that it will not happen if you stay home watching the new season of “Swamp Brothers” or “The Bachelorette”. And if you are the shy type, get yourself a wingman or wing woman, get cleaned up and start casting your lines in the water. When you look good, you feel good, and when you feel good you attract what you desire. Now you’re ready to cut bait and start fishing. 


Guy’s Guy of The Week: The Old Man from Ernest Hemmingway’s novel, The Old Man and the Sea, for sticking with his strategy until he landed his prize. 

What are your ways of reeling in your catch of the day?

 


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