It is the best of times and the worst of times…for dating. Modern life moves quickly. We want what we want, and we want it right now. We don’t have time to suffer fools when searching for our perfect match. With the advent of dating apps and websites, if you master the moves of the digital dating game, your pipeline of prospects can be filled to the brim. After all, you can set up a month’s worth of dates while sitting at home in your tighty-whiteys watching the Rangers game. And if you don’t dig that new connection, they’re gone with a keystroke. So what’s the problem, Guy’s Guy?
Like I said, it’s both the best and worst of times for dating. When we indulge in too much of a good thing, like ice cream, expensive bourbon, or for some guys strip clubs and recreational drugs, we lose our appreciation, our purpose, and our cash. To succeed at dating in 2016 we have to manage our minds, our hearts, and our balls or else we can waste a lot of time, effort, and money.
So, here is a Guys' Guy's refresher course for dating like a pro in today’s whacked out singles scene. And this goes for the ladies also. Drum roll please…
Know who you are and what you want – In many ways, dating successfully is like running a solid advertising campaign. You need to know who you are, what makes special, and what your target market is looking for. Sounds simple, right? You’d be surprised, amigo, by how many singles are flailing about in a desperate effort to find someone to care for them. It’s sad. Don’t date those people, at least not until they figure out who they are and what they want. Focus on you, your personal brand, and what you want.
Making tech work for you – I’m assuming most guys, and many women, favor digital apps for making connections. They may be efficient, but digital apps alone will not make you a winner in the dating game. Between Tinder, Match, OK Cupid, Bumble, Tangle, Hinge, and the like, you don’t need to be Ryan Gosling or a genius to connect online with a lot of really cool women. All you need to do is fill out your profile built around a positive overview of you and the type of person you’re searching for. Include a photo of yourself smiling, not smirking, with your shirt on and without your Mets cap worn backwards. If you want to date casually, say so. Unfortunately, that usually doesn’t work for guys unless they are on Tinder hitting on chicks in bars also looking for a hook up. Use spell check, be polite and ask open-ended questions that lead to an offline meet up. That means, being you and not behaving like the thousands of lazy horn dogs using digital apps for one reason— to get laid.
Limit yourself to three dating apps at a time. Otherwise things can get out of hand quickly. You can get overloaded with prospects, which may sound like a good thing, but really isn’t. If you don’t take the time to sort through your prospects mindfully (I keep using that word for a reason), you may eliminate a potential keeper because of a minor nit— like maybe she’s a Patriots fan. Don’t be that guy.
Offline is where we live - To make tech really work for you you’ll need your offline game in order. That means polishing your social skills and displaying casual confidence and integrity— like knowing how to look into her eyes so she sees that you’re paying attention (without being creepy), and polishing your ability to close the deal. Of course you want to make a more intimate connection under the sheets, so you need to learn how to be intimate before getting intimate. So your goal in any dating engagement should be to move the landscape from online to offline. That’s how you will get to know one another in a real way.
And, you can’t build your offline game if you’re eyes are glued to your phone. Push yourself to chat up ladies where they live—in the bars, after yoga class, waiting for coffee, in a bookstore, or anywhere women hang out. The point is, after you make a connection with a woman online or offline, you’ll spend 99% of your time together offline. Learn how to approach and talk to women. That means being friendly, smiling, and engaging in light conversation anywhere and everywhere women live. It’s called being a human being and it’s fun because most women are nice, even if they may not look that friendly with their puffy coats and ear buds on while riding the C train.
Be kind, be honest, make an effort – As described earlier, you can score dates in your tighty-whiteys, but don’t let that make you lazy and unappreciative. When dating a new woman, remember that she is a lady and deserves to be treated as such. If you are interested, explore her tastes, make a plan, and pick up the check on that first date if you ask her out. Yes, it’s old school, but most women will appreciate this rare display of chivalry and will not quibble over the check. If she insists on paying half (probably so she doesn’t think she owes you any favors), let her. It’s that simple. And if your date or the chemistry is not what you hoped for, don’t just bounce. You made a commitment to share a half hour with another well-intended human being. You can cut it off after one quick drink. And who knows? In that short time things could change or new information may surface that shifts the landscape. Maybe she becomes a friend, or she may have business contacts, or better yet she has some hot girlfriends that might make a better match for you. Just be nice. It’s not that difficult, amigo.
There’s more; lots more when it comes to dating in 2016. But if you take to heart what I’ve described above, I think you will find yourself in a really good place to manage your dating life like a champ. And that’s you, isn’t it?
This week’s GUY’S GUY OF THE WEEK is George Clooney. Why him, you ask? He was a long-term bachelor, but never a jerk to women as far as we know. He is smooth and unshakeable. He excels in the art of conversation. He is a philanthropist and an accomplished actor. And, oh by the way, he finally married a brilliant career woman who doesn’t need his star power. Yeah, he’s a certified Guy's Guy.