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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

What Women Don't Know About Men (Part 2)

Robert Manni - Thursday, February 21, 2013


Listen ladies, we’re all human, but the similarities stop there.
How many times have you heard from a guy who was just dumped by his long time partner, that he had no idea that there were problems? A lot, right? There’s a reason for that. And remember the time when you bought a birthday card for his mother, and he just grunted before asking you to sign it from the both of you? The point is that men and women approach life and experience relationships differently. That doesn't mean that men and women can't evolve or improve their relationships. It means that there are things that men and women need to know about each other before any real progress can be made. I’m a Guy’s Guy, so let’s focus on men first. Here are a few pointers to help you understand how men think and what you can do about it.

1. Men are not that complicated. You’re probably already aware of this, but you might need a reminder. Sure, dudes have layers, but for the most part it’s "what you see is what you get". Guys are straightforward and lay things on the line, especially with each other. We don’t dance around with our feelings. And if we are having a problem with our relationship, we say so. If we don’t bring anything up, consider us happy. If that black bustier and thong ensemble turns your guy on, he’ll probably expect you to wear it every Saturday night until hell freezes over. But if you can top it, he’s game. Men can be that simple. I’m not saying that this is necessarily a good thing, but at least we’re predictable and we’ve got to start the conversation somewhere.

2. Men don’t pay attention. You might think and secretly hope that we’re paying attention to the little things the way you are, but unfortunately we’re not. So when he brings home a bouquet of fresh flowers because you mentioned liking daisies, it’s a small act but at the same time a big deal for a guy. It means he’s paying attention and you acknowledge it, which is really cool. Unfortunately guys suck at paying attention, so these tender moments can be far too rare. But don’t abandon hope. He did bring you those flowers.

3. Men can’t read your mind. I've written about this in a previous blog, but I feel it bears repeating. This is a personal pet peeve of mine. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dealt with women in relationships and business where all of a sudden (at least it seemed that way to me) they just picked up and walked. And they seemed pissed about it. As a result, like other dudes, I’ve come close to having abandonment issues. It’s this passive aggressive behavior that bugs me. Unlike women, men don’t hold their feelings in, solemnly fuming or grousing to our friends about the relationship, prior to finally breaking up two years later. If we’re no longer interested, we’ll most likely say something to that effect and hear you out even if we’re set on dumping you. We’re just wired that way and it’s much cleaner. You might want to give it a try. Of course there are guys who keep a broken relationship going for the sex, but they always end up being the one that gets dumped.

So what can we do? Just being aware of our differences is a good place to start. Men need to shape up quickly if they plan on keeping up with all of the strides women are making and their long overdue recognition. The best thing men can do is pay attention a lot more closely to their partner’s needs. Women are amazing at this, but they can’t expect men to just lock in and get it. Guys need a little prodding now and then. Try to be as clear to your guy as he is with his friends. Put your guns on the table. No secret pouting or carping about him with your girlfriends. Be crystal clear and talk it out. Guys will get the message if you communicate with them the way they talk to each other.

Our Guy's Guy of the Week is David O. Russell for directing Silver Linings Playbook, a film about men and women learning to understand each other.

Do you think you know everything you need to know about men?

The Love Holiday That Everyone Hates...

Robert Manni - Thursday, February 14, 2013


Repeat after me—“I do not hate Valentine’s Day.” 

But, I dread it and I’d like to have a chat with St. Valentine. He might be a saint, but he’s got some explaining to do. The myths behind this man are as confounding as the commercial celebration of love that sprang from his legend. Was he really beaten to death with clubs, beheaded after restoring sight and hearing to the daughter of his jailer, or was his legend a creation of Chaucer? Until the twentieth century, the tales surrounding this enigmatic man were spun more times than a soggy pair of undies in the dryer. Then the corporations saw the dollar signs and produced syrupy greeting cards, milk chocolate hearts, and costume jewelry to build the “brand”. Because it’s a commercialized holiday we’re also subjected to price gouging at restaurants and florists. My informal research found that when most men and women see February 14th and that big red heart on their calendars they panic.

What comes to mind when we think of Valentine’s Day?  

Pressure. If you’re single, Valentine’s Day reminds you very clearly that if you’re not in a relationship that you’re not on the invitation list to life’s love-in. And if you’re in a relationship, then you have to up your game and deliver the goods—big time. Women love flowers and chocolates, and like receiving them unexpectedly… on any other day than Feb. 14th. And if you give her jewelry on V-Day it better be the real stuff.

Men are simple. They love seeing their women dolled up in lingerie, but if her outfit is for the man, then who buys it on Valentine’s Day? Tiptoeing around Victoria’s Secret and sifting through teddies, garters and thongs can be unsettling for a guy. And he probably forgot what size she wears and does not want to make a mistake. You’ve seen the men wandering around the lingerie department, checking out women’s boobs and wondering if they’re the same size as their girlfriend’s. Trust me—men are uncomfortable discussing cup sizes with the sales girl. That’s pressure.

So how can we get through this annual ordeal?

Be flexible and relax. My wife’s birthday is on February 12th so I’m totally screwed. But there’s hope for others. Experts say that February 14th is the best night for single ladies to get lucky. That’s if they can muster up their posse for a manhunt. So, if you are a single guy, get your butt out on that night. And when you hit the bars for once keep your eyes off the hockey game and on those ladies looking for their slice of man-meat. If you’re a guy in a relationship, buy her a well-deserved pampering at a top shelf spa or cook her a romantic dinner and give her flowers and a hand-written card. If you’re a woman, go with the lipstick and push up bra ensemble to rock his world. Trust me, that’s all he wants. As for me, I’m going to clean the condo before taking my wife out to her favorite raw food restaurant. But I’ll do that on her birthday. Then I’ll wish for February 15th.

Our Guy's Guy of the Week? Who else but Cupid, that naughty little cherub.

How to Make Valentine’s Day Work for You

Robert Manni - Thursday, February 07, 2013


Valentine’s Day is a day most of us dread.

It’s commercial, pressure-filled, exploitive, and most importantly-- forced and unromantic. I’ll leave all of that to next week’s other Valentine’s Day post. But there are two ways to look at V-Day as it gets pitched our way each and every year. Whether it’s chocolate, flowers, jewelry, vibrating panties, weekend getaways, etc.—you name it and they’re selling it in fire engine red. Here are a few suggestions for how to not only cope, but to have fun and share the love. And that’s the point. Valentine’s Day should be about celebrating heart-felt love. Your Guy’s Guy suggests that the best way to make this a special occasion is by personalizing it. That means making it all about your partner…and not about you.

If love is in the air and you want to fan the flames.

If you’re a guy and you want to get intimate with a woman for the first time the tendency is to buy her lingerie, hoping that she’ll wear it for you on Valentine’s Day. Don’t do it. She is more than aware that you want the show. If you consider my suggestions and it’s meant to be, the show will open to rave reviews... and it will go on and on.  Chocolates and flowers and cards and jewelry are always welcomed, but a Guy’s Guy adds intimacy to her gifts that empower them as expressions of love. So instead of doing the expected and buying a printed card at Walgreens, buy her a card that allows you to craft your own special message to her. Remind her of all the things she does that make her special and why you want to get to know her better. Pay attention to the details the way a woman does. Believe me, she will notice and you won’t have to buy her red lingerie. She’ll bring on the black when the time is right and when she does you’d better fasten your seat belt. Other things to consider are attending events together like a sake tasting or a Broadway show that she mentions in passing. Sharing brings couples closer together.

If you want to keep the fires burning.

Again, it is all about personalization. If you buy her jewelry, have it inscribed with a special message. A former paramour once bought me a silver necklace with an understatedly elegant pendant. Nice. When I looked closer she inscribed the underside with, “Love Slave”. Talk about marking your territory. It worked. Of course when my next girlfriend took one look at it, it came off instantly. If you show some effort to personalize your gift when you are in a long-term relationship or marriage, it makes your partner feel appreciated. How about writing down the twenty things she does that make her so special. Why is she so important to your life, what makes her sexy, funny, etc? Make her feel special. That is intimacy.

Wild Cards.

If you’re going down the sexual path remember to make it all about your special someone. That’s where the lingerie and crazy stuff like vibrating panties and sex toys come into play. All good. That said, you want to make sure that there is as much giving as receiving so that the festivities go all night long. I recently read about an “arousal gap’ between men and women. As we all know, men get worked up faster than women do and sometimes guys get too excited too quickly. Along with the little blue pill and its ilk, and the various oils and lotions that help keep the balls in play, there isbelieve it or not, a desensitizing spray for dudes called Promescent.  Women like their men to be sensitive, but not that sensitive. And men have been known to go whee-hee--and then oops.  A quick spritz could keep the party in full swing. A real Guy’s Guy wants to make his woman happy. It’s not a race to the finish line; the goal is to arrive at the same time so everyone wins. Remember that Valentine’s Day is all about your partner, so have fun. And play safe.

This week’s Guy’s Guy of the Week is Paul McCartney for writing all of those wonderful silly love songs.

Are you making Valentine’s Day all about your partner?

 

 

What Women Don't Know About Men (Part 1)

Robert Manni - Thursday, January 31, 2013

There are still some glaring misconceptions about men. Here are some truths.

1. We want you to win.

This is a time of great recognition, achievement, and ascension for women. It's long overdue and well-deserved. As I constantly state: women’s success is a very good thing for men. When women succeed we can all be happy, and have a little more cash in the pockets of our skinny jeans.

You know that old saying, “Happy wife means a happy life”? It’s true, whether you're married or not. If your female partner is smiling, it’s a very good thing for you, amigo. That’s one less thing to worry about. And I promise you that your female companion is pulling hard for you. Women want their men to succeed and despite all of the hating and misogyny that gets played out in our pop culture, Guy’s Guys want women to succeed also. Let’s keep that as our baseline. Ladies, not only do we want you to get what you want, but we also want you to get what you need.

2. Most guys like sports, but to different degrees.

If you walk the streets of Manhattan on a Sunday afternoon, you might think that with all of the NFL jerseys you see that every guy is totally into football. Sure, a lot of men love managing their fantasy teams, but there are lots of guys who could care less about the plight of the Jets, Giants or Dallas Cowboys. That said, they probably have their pet team or sport or player that they follow. Maybe a guy hates football, but loves tennis and follows Roger Federer. Not all men are jocks and even the ones that are have other interests, even if at times they seem addicted to ESPN's SportsCenter.

Men like sports for three reasons: escapism, real-life drama, and unpredictability. Unlike those housewives shows, where you’re always just a moment away from an insult or a bitch slap, with sporting events, you’re never quite sure of the outcome. Just ask Manny Pacquaio. It’s about personal preference and one size not fitting all. I’ll bet most guys prefer a hearty breakfast to brunch, but even if your guy isn’t football crazy don’t assume he wants to go to Café Cluney this Sunday. Just like you, we have layers. But, I’ve yet to meet a woman who doesn’t enjoy watching House Hunters International…

3. Men don’t talk about sex with each other.

Women pay attention. Thank God. Men are lousy at paying attention. Sad, but true. And, unlike female gatherings, when men get together we don’t sit around and talk about women, our girlfriends or having sex with them. If a guy ever needs to talk about something personal with another guy, he will pick one of his best buds and have a one-on-one. That’s it. There is no, “And then she did this really weird thing with her hoo ha…” We don’t do that. Ever.

4. Men can’t read your mind.

I’m devoting a blog post on this topic in the near future, but for now let me make this crystal clear. We don’t know what you are thinking. How many times have you heard that a woman has dumped a guy and the guy was totally blindsided? He had no idea that there were deep-seated issues in the relationship before he got whacked. You’ve heard this song a thousand times. Guys assume that if you don’t say anything that things are just peachy. That’s because when guys have a problem they say so. Ladies, please let guys know when there are storm clouds on the horizon. Guys want you to be happy. If you give them a fair warning you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised at how they respond.

In a change of pace, our Girl's Girl of the Week is Angelina Jolie, for being able to lock down a Guy's Guy like Brad Pitt.

Think you have any misconceptions about men?



Why Men And Women Still Have Trouble Connecting

Robert Manni - Thursday, January 24, 2013


A forty-something friend of mine still thinks he can score dates by handing out his business card.

Unfortunately, this is a true story. After writing, promoting, and talking with people about my novel, The Guys' Guy's Guide To Love, I realized that men and women continue to drift apart, and the chasm is growing wider. Both sexes see the other through their own lens and ego, so they never really understand each other. It’s that simple, folks.

There are two fundamental differences in how women and men perceive each other’s behavior. First, women pay attention to the little things and men don’t. And, as we all know, success or failure is in the details.  And because of men’s lack of attentiveness, many go through life clueless about how to connect with women.

Let’s explore my male friend and his pockets filled of ego and business cards. When he told me about his technique, I asked him if it works. He gave me a blank stare that meant, nope. I suggested that if a woman is interested they don’t want your business card. They want you to ASK THEM OUT.  In fact, this is exactly what I told him. “Tell her that you'd like to see her and be specific. 'Why don’t we have coffee tomorrow after work at this little French place on Madison and 75th?’ Make her feel wanted, make her life easy, and put your ass on the line. If she’s interested she will jump at the chance. If she is not, at least you'll know and can move on. Hot women get hit on all day, every day. You need to stand out from the crowd, amigo.” He laughed, which was better than him punching me in the face.

Concurrently, while men are driven by their egos, women can overanalyze men. No man is going to fit the bill of a twenty-point and growing list of “must have deal-breakers”. And there seems to be a correlation between the length of her “list” and how long it has been since her last relationship. Another thing to keep in mind is that while you are building your list, he still isn’t paying attention. Step one—get him to pay attention. Step two—chuck the list and follow your heart and intuition.

Let’s take a look at how a lady sees things. A very attractive forty-something female friend recently told me that she did not understand why her boyfriend seemed so jealous and almost controlling (my word, not hers) about her male friends and colleagues. Predictably, his only question about her male friends was if she had f-ed them. That’s it. Sorry, that’s how most guys think. They are clueless about the threat of an emotional connection to another man. As usual it’s all about his you-know-what. And that’s another example of how the sexes differ in their thinking. Her guy works with a bunch of talented, good-looking women. I asked her what would upset her more, if her guy had picked up and slept with a random woman once or if he had an emotional connection one of his coworkers. She said that both scenarios would be equally troubling. Men and women don’t really understand each other.

What can be done? For this Guy’s Guy, the real issue is understanding, and it’s a challenge for men and women. A major step would be to do our best to put ourselves in the shoes of the other person or sex.

If you’re a guy, try to visualize what it must be like to be a woman. She has to put up with all of the shit men pull every day, whether it is having their eyes riveted to your boobs when they are talking with you, not calling when they says they will, inequalities in the workplace, and all of the other female stuff that guys don’t have to deal with. Guys, we have it easy. Be nice to the ladies!

If you are a woman, please be gentle with us. Men are flawed and nowadays our roles are either under the microscope or ignored. Young men have no role models and middle-age guys are deemed obsolete unless they have major bank. Our identities are caught somewhere in a no man’s land between the MMA and manscaping. Work with us, ladies. We want to do better and you can help us grow.

Guy’s Guy of The Week:  Gary Zukav, author of the “The Seat of the Soul”. His book is about harmony, cooperation and understanding. 

How are you really connecting with the opposite sex?

Are You Better Off Single?

Robert Manni - Thursday, January 17, 2013


A recent study by the U.S. Census found that over 43% of Americans between 18 and 49 were single.

And over half of them were women. That number has increased by twenty percent since 1980. Amazing. And, only one person inhabits 46% of households. Well, it’s not the same person, but you know what I mean. So in many ways, we are becoming a nation of singles. There are pros and cons to being single and a bunch of experts and bloggers will tell you about the ever-changing rules of how they to live their life and how you should live yours. Ultimately, what really matters is if you are happy with yourself and the life that you choose.

Your Guy’s Guy remained single for many years. In fact, I was single for so long that at family get-togethers no one even asked me when I was getting married. Now that’s being single for a long time. Then, one day a few years back, I casually mentioned to my Mom that I would be getting married the following year. She was understandably startled, and asked who I was marrying. I told her that I had no idea, but that I knew it would happen. And, surprisingly, I met someone special, got engaged, and was married the following year. I’ve been happy ever since, though that’s not to say that I didn't enjoy my single life.

There are a few ways to be single. First, you can be completely unattached and on your own. Maybe you’re searching for someone or maybe not. Another way to be single is if you are dating. You still consider yourself single and not tied down, except on those special Saturday nights when you play a little cowboy and cowgirl rodeo. Or, you’re in a relationship, but not married, so you consider yourself technically single. Whether you decide to exercise your “single” options is another matter. Let’s look at the pros and cons of each state of being single.

1. On your own.

A lot of guys and many women fall into this category of trolling the bars and clubs and gyms and wherever else you decide to hunt. You're out so much that at home your staples are ramen noodles, a comfy couch, and a media diet of ESPN or DWTS. You’re probably interested in finding a partner, even if only casually and occasionally, but sometimes it's hard work.

I’ve been in this special place, and at times it can be a blast. You are free to go wherever you choose or just sit at home in your sweats and twist open a few cold ones while watching the Knicks game. But over time, you don’t love being alone onthose Saturday nights while your besties are hooked up.

This version of single works better when you're in your twenties than in your forties. By the time you reach forty, you may not mind staying home on a Saturday night. At this stage, you probably prefer snuggling on the couch with an attractive partner who knows how to whip up a great meal and pour a glass of Sancerre more than being alone and stretching out like Al Bundy with one hand tucked in your waistband and the other around a can of PBR. Just sayin’. No judgments, but ultimately, people are meant to be together.

2. Dating.

Some people can date up a storm and they love it. Most men enjoy a variety of partners, especially for a roll in the hay. Women like having a stable of different go-to guys for different activities. Stud boy for sexual release, the intellectual to see that French flick, and maybe a gay friend for lunch. It’s a great time in life and it’s great to mix it up. Usually though, at some point things get complicated and you need to make decisions and do the necessary house cleaning with your group of partners. That can get sticky. I’ll risk being taken to task here, but from my experience, women still are a bit more interested than guys in dating when it leads to a relationship rather than it leading to just more dating. A generalization, but worthy of consideration. And again, no judgments. Whatever works at the time is all that matters.

3. Single, but in a relationship.

We’ve all been here. Because a guy has not put a ring on it, a woman is still technically single. So, she can do as she pleases and date whoever she wants. But does she? This one is tricky for the ladies. At times they remain in a relationship far too long, hoping their guy will pay attention and make a commitment, or not. Many guys still consider the word commitment as a death sentence or form of punishment. They fear settling down. I know that I did. A famous former athlete once said that you can go far deeper in every way with one special lady than when you are juggling multiple partners. Although I loved my variety, I now agree. Women really know how to give when they feel loved, and that’s a wonderful thing.

There are many ways to be single and they can all be good. So can being in a committed relationship. What matters is that whatever status of “singlehood” that you’re currently in, you make it work for you. Make yourself happy first. Then, if you choose, you can share it someone else.

Our Guy’s Guy of the Week is none other than George Clooney—one happily single guy.

Are you in the right stage of “single” to make you happy?

Why Do Men Cheat?

Robert Manni - Tuesday, January 08, 2013


It's an age-old question. But what's the age-old answer that no woman wants to hear? Because they can.

Just ask General Petraeus. Oops. I let that one slip out, didn’t I? Now that I’ve got your attention, let’s dig into the minds of men and explore this provocative subject. Please don’t shoot the messenger; your Guy’s Guy is here to serve and inform. That’s it. I’m not an expert, but I do have relevant experience. In fact, during a relationship from my distant past, I made a conscious decision and cheated. I’m not proud of it, but it was my choice to hop into the sack with that gorgeous Chinese woman from my office. As a result, I learned a lot about my current relationship and why it wasn't working, and I paid a price for my indiscretion. I was just twenty-five and I had to have her. That’s it. The reasons that men cheat are many, but it always comes down to one constant—individual choice.

The Causes

A recent study by the University of Indiana in Bloomington found that the main cause of men’s cheating was “sexual excitability”. No surprise here. Women’s rationale was a bit more adult. They were either “unhappy in their relationships” or “did not share similar sexual beliefs with their partner”. According to this study, the percentage of men cheaters still outnumbers women, but the gap is narrowing. No surprise here either.

Can looks kill a relationship?

We all know Al Gore’s film, An Inconvenient Truth, yet we are only now experiencing the major consequences of global warming. Here’s another simple truth: your guy notices the women parading by him every day. Women are taking better care of themselves than ever and they look fantastic. And guys are visual. Houston, we have a problem.

You know that gleam in his eye when you strut across the room in that little black teddy and those five-inch heels? Yeah, that look. It’s because he thinks you’re hot. That’s one reason he’s with you. It’s a compliment. He’s not objectifying you or diminishing your worth. For better or for worse, he’s just being a guy. When a hot woman catches his eye, he might wonder what it would be like getting up close and personal with her. Thankfully, this is where the fantasy usually ends. But, there are guys who feel entitled and don’t bother controlling their urges. The flirting begins, and before you know it, he’s messed up a good thing. Old story, same ending. Invariably though, it was a mindful choice.

You’re probably thinking, “Hey, Guy’s Guy, what am I supposed to do? Put on a lingerie show every night just to keep his attention?”

That would be cool, but no, that’s not the answer. The bars, clubs, and gyms are filled with pretty women who leave little to the imagination. Of course he notices, and in moderation, that’s okay. You’re looking too, at both the women and the men. But a man shouldn’t crane his neck and gape at every pretty woman who passes by. It’s disrespectful and an indicator that he’s in the market for something new. He needs to be paying attention to you. And if he’s not, he could be focused on someone else. I realize that this is not a solution. But I know that when a guy pays attention to his partner he is less likely to be looking elsewhere. So, by whatever means necessary, make him pay attention…to you.

The difference between one guy and another comes down to…

…his choices. One of the greatest challenges men have is managing their inner horn dog. That means not cheating. My novel, The Guys' Guy's Guide To Love, deals with this topic. Guys are obsessed with sex, and to many dudes, cheating is just a word. It’s about the thrill and getting laid. But, things aren’t that simple for us Homo sapiens are they?

Life and love are comprised of free will and a man is defined by his decisions. To grow, he needs to do the right thing. It takes time, but many men have made a conscious decision to be faithful. You're not going to be able to change the male DNA, but you can determine if a guy is right for you through his actions. It’s about free will and choices—his, and yours.

Are you making the right choices about your relationship?

Understanding Men's Natural Sex Drive

Robert Manni - Thursday, January 03, 2013

Sex is the epicenter of all healthy relationships.

Who wants to stay in a long-term relationship with a partner who doesn’t float your orgasmic boat? Maybe some of you have stayed in a sexually-unfulfilling relationship because of other wonderful qualities that your partner possesses. Maybe he makes a wonderful crème brûlée and he walks your Wheaten Terrier when it rains. But ultimately, if your sex life is not up to snuff, one day you'll find yourself staring into the mirror when a thought bubble pops up and says, “I need to get laid…badly”.  There’s nothing wrong with this; it’s a human reaction. When the sex falls short for whatever reason, it usually becomes a deal-breaker. That’s just how we humans are wired. Handling sexuality can be a real challenge for men in general, as well as in building their relationships.

Guys love sex. They think about it all of the time.

The first time a guy meets you, whether it is consciously or subconsciously, he is wondering about how sex might be with you. I am not condemning my comrades for this or apologizing, because I too am guilty as charged, but them’s the facts, ladies. Any guy who tells you different is simply lying. This does not mean that sex is all he thinks about when he is with you. Thankfully, guys know how to compartmentalize. Once he has given you his under the radar sexual once-over, he will usually behave normally and even respectfully, especially if it's a business situation. Maybe things were different back in the days when we dwelled in caves, but there is no need for you to be concerned that sex is the only thing on the male mind. However, when you wear that black pencil skirt with the slit up the side, he'll be thinking about your legs and where they lead. Again, it’s just how dudes are wired. You can hit him on the head with a stick like a Punch and Judy puppet, but I promise you that he’ll keep thinking about sex. It’s in the male vibration and unless you are mindful of it and know how to deflect it, it can be the elephant in the room. Fortunately, you know the drill and today’s men are not that difficult to manage.

What do you do if are in a “relationship” with a guy who only wants to have sex with you?

Unfortunately, if many men, usually the younger guys, had their way, a lot of them would want sex, and that’s it. This is a shameful truth. Many men fear emotional intimacy, do not care to share their feelings, and are not good listeners. They’re self-centered, competitive, and ego-driven. That does not leave a lot of room for relationships. Ladies, you have the power to help men evolve.

Sure, nowadays women can be just as sexual as guys. Many young ladies will hump and dump a guy; maybe keeping him around if he is well-built and knows how to make her tingle all over. But thankfully, for the most part women still want relationships along with the sheet rumpling.  As a Guy’s Guy, the best thing a woman can do to evolve a relationship that is locked into all sex all the time, is to keep the conversation going. A guy knows that he has a free ride when he gets all the cookies without doing anything besides showing up and hopping under the covers. Call him on his crap.

If you’re keeping him satisfied, I’ll bet that he will pay attention. And if he values and respects you, he will step up and treat you with respect. Guys who like women and have had fulfilling relationships know that it takes two individuals to make a team, and real men want relationships with great women.  On the other hand, if he continues avoiding any attempts to get beyond just having sex with you, you’re being used. Don’t let him do that. You deserve more. In fact, you deserve the very best.

How do you avoid having a relationship that revolves solely around sex?

How To Know When It's Time To Go

Robert Manni - Thursday, November 15, 2012


Yogi Berra said, “It ain’t over until it’s over,” but is this true?

In many instances, this Guy’s Guy says no. It can be over way before it’s officially "over". I'm sure you have all been in one of those relationships where for a myriad of reasons you stick with it, even though there are overriding, unresolved issues that prevent it from growing. And that’s the point. Like a plant, healthy relationships keep blossoming. An unhealthy relationship remains stagnant, and any growth is like a weed—random and at times unhealthy in what manifests. Sometimes what emanates from a tainted relationship chokes off the beauty and joy that a healthy relationship can foster.

It’s never easy to walk away, but are you really doing yourself a favor by staying in what you know deep down is fatally flawed? Your time is better spent healing and moving on versus prolonging the inevitable.  It’s worth noting that many men, myself included, never know what hit them when a woman finally lowers the boom. Women can hang in there even when they know it’s not working and some of them insist that the guy should know that something is wrong. Good luck with that, ladies. But that’s for another column. Let’s get down to business and review some of the telltale signs that you’re LTR has come to a grinding halt. This way you can both have a conversation and either address the issues or move along.

No Communication

Just think how many of your friends talk endlessly about what’s wrong with their relationship and do not have that same conversation with their partner AND stay in that same relationship for what seems like an eternity? Healthy relationships are about communication. Couples in love enjoy conversing about anything and everything. And, guys, it’s not all about how you feel about stuff. It’s about sharing and actively listening to the one you love. Okay, so you may not be all that interested in her psychic development yoga class, but listen up and learn. You can go back to your fantasy football lineup soon enough. This means something to her and it could probably help you, dude.  The flip side is when women drone on about their job. Ladies, try and keep it contained. Guys have enough work-related stress of their own and they are programmed to solve problems so if you do not want a solution, go easy on the download.

No Joy

Sounds pretty obvious, but we all need to check in every now and then and ask ourselves if this relationship is making us happy. Again, think of how many of your friends complain about their partner yet keep on going. For a solution, see point one. When couples enjoy each other’s company, the talk flows easy and the laughter follows. Yeah, it’s that simple.

No Sex

Do I even need to go here? Maybe a little. What I call "no sex" really means no sex that includes communication and joy. A-ha! Think about the times when you two went through the motions and released tension by getting off. I’ve been there and I get it. It feels real good and maybe you wore those black panties and five-inch heels that make him so crazy for you. I like them, too, but I’ll bet that if he kisses your fingers and takes his time because he wants you to know how much he loves you it feels even better.  Wham-bam has a role, but true love takes the time to satisfy both partners physically and emotionally.

No Regrets

The last place you want to be in a relationship that is ultimately unsatisfying. Staying in it only makes matters worse. So dig deep down and ask yourself if you are really happy with this person. If the answer is no, you may end up wallowing in the regret zone, which is not to be mistaken with your happy place. You deserve better, so either have the straight up talk and fix things or agree to disagree and move on. You do not want to invest your valuable time in something that doesn't bring you joy on a daily basis. I have been there and so have you, but have no regrets. It brought us to now and that’s the only place to be. Now go make the most of it.   

Guy's Guy of the Week: Yogi Berra, not only for being one the Yankees' all-time greats, but for always calling things how he sees them.

Is your relationship still fulfilling? Know when it's time to go.

--

Image courtesy of Getty Images.

Is There Such A Thing As Love At First Sight?

Robert Manni - Wednesday, September 05, 2012

           

Is love at first sight a myth or reality? After asking a number of women and men there is one overriding truth. There is no shortage of opinions on the subject and I’ve come away from my research without a clear-cut answer. Most people seem to think that the concept is true, but when I probed I found out that there were other steps necessary in connecting beyond a random look and there are plenty of instances where people thought it was love at first sight, but things never ended up going anywhere. 

For guys, there is plenty of lust at first sight. We all know that dudes are visual. If a woman who looks like Megan Fox happens to strut by, most red-blooded all-American males would feel a rush come over them. I’m not saying this would constitute an official, B-O-I-N-G, but a lot of sexual thoughts may emerge quite rapidly. Over time most guys have their type blondes, Asian hotties, long hair, bubble butts, and more recently women who are super fit. It doesn’t matter. The point is that men are visual and immediately respond to the purely physical assets of a woman. I’m not condoning this, but it’s not going to change that much. The best we can hope for is that the female object of desire has an energy that the man connects with. That goes a long way in turning the ship from purely physical attraction to something potentially more long lasting. 

So what happens? A guy sees his “type” and he is attracted. Then he follows his you-know-what and makes contact with the woman with whom he thinks he’s found “love at first sight”. Then, over time he realizes that she does not fit most of his other criteria. Maybe she hates sports or meat or New Jersey or his music, but it soon becomes apparent that this is not a good match. Most guys will hang in there until the woman cuts them out, not bothering with any circumspection that could help them become more self-aware and sensitive to themselves, and the fact that women are more than pretty creatures. 

On the flip side, I have been told by a number of guys that as soon as they met their partner, they knew that she was “The One”.  Great. But, that was after they had an actual conversation, date, or something more than a lecherous look at their girl. The first time I saw my wife I was waiting on the church steps at the corner of 79th Street and Broadway. I looked across the street diagonally and she was the first person that I laid eyes on. When we actually met at the adjacent corner, she greeted me with a smile and I gave her a hug. I had never hugged upon meeting a first date, so maybe I experienced a form of “love at first sight”. 

For women, there is usually more than a guy’s looks. Consider this. Women are into men’s looks more than ever, but at the same time, women usually dig a bit deeper. Sure, women have their types also. Tall, sparkling eyes, washboard abs (good luck with that), a cute butt, are common physical characteristics that women like to see in a guy. There are also the intangibles like long fingers, a certain height or type of hair, and a Swiss bank account but at least that’s more than long legs, big boobs, and a perky ass which is about as exotic as a lot of men get. Women think through and discuss a lot of guy-related issues ad nauseam with their girlfriends, and thank goodness they do. But often, by the time a dude says hello, he’s already been sliced, diced and in many cases flung into the scrap heap before he’s had a fair chance to connect with her. On the other hand, women have intuition, and many of them are sensitive to a guy’s energy. So if he’s creepy, they know. And if he has a nice smile, they might overlook his khaki pants, cargo shorts, or tribal tattoo at least for the first date. Lots of women I know insist that they knew that when they met their guy, they knew that he was “The One”. But, they all stated that they knew when they “met” not when they looked at him. A-ha. 

There is no set answer to this question about “love at first sight”.  But wouldn’t it be great if we all looked a little closer and a bit deeper at our potential partners before decreeing that they were either toast or “The One”? 

Guy’s Guy of The Week: Romeo, and Juliet, for immortalizing the idea of love at first sight, whether you believe in it or not. 

Have you ever experienced “love at first sight”?


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