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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

How to Handle a Breakup

Robert Manni - Friday, October 25, 2013

Nothing lasts forever, especially when we’re dating.

At one point or another, everyone gets dumped. Sometimes it comes as a surprise. It can be emotional. It can feel like the end of the world, but it’s not. We survive, and in most cases, we look back a year later and consider how better off we are and why the heck we stuck in that other relationship for that long. So, it’s important that we handle the drama and the deluge when it happens. Here are my four tips for handling a break up, Guy’s Guy style. 

Don’t take it personally.

This is the biggest challenge. When we get dumped, we automatically think there's something wrong with us. We feel inadequate and insecure. How could he or she not love me anymore? Of course it would be helpful to know if some part of our behavior had become a deal breaker, but that might not be the case. He or she might just not be feelin’ it anymore. Maybe they connected with someone else (it happens), or they evolved in a way that the two of you remaining together just didn’t fit in with their plans. Hey, none of those options strokes our ego, but it’s not a condemnation of us. It is about them and sometimes facing the facts softens the blow. After all, who wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with us?

Be careful how you rebound.

Naturally, if our ex hooks up with someone new, we might want to show them a thing or two by showing a new partner a thing or two or three in the sack. Take that, MF! That might be a fun way of expunging the past, but it can make us feel worse. Maybe not, but that kind of sex is usually purely physical while the hurt is emotional. Take steps to get your head on straight and address your emotions prior to hooking up.

Don’t take it out on your next partner.

Whether you decide to date up a storm or just hook up for awhile (again, I recommend dealing with the emotional baggage first), make sure that you don't take your breakup frustrations out on someone new. Regardless of the situation, they need to be treated with the same respect that you seek. Let’s not turn things into a subconscious, vicious circle of “he or she hurt me, so I’ll hurt you”. That reckless behavior of defeats the purpose of starting fresh and it actually ends up hurting us because we are not acting out of love.

Stay positive and treat yourself.

Love hurts, and when we face up to the fact that our partner may no longer feel the same way about us, it can be devastating. Take heed, friends. You are not alone. We’ve all been dumped and after licking our emotional wounds, we deserve a treat. Take a vacation, join a club, take a fitness class or just do something that your ex wasn’t into that you missed out on because he or she wouldn't participate. Who knows? You might meet someone new in that kick boxing class. I met a lot of really cool women when I went online for datessome became lovers, some became friends, and some I never saw again. In any case, I met new people with new ideas from all over the country and the world, and it really is a big world out there. And you're an important part of it because, after all, there is no one quite like you. But, that’s for your new partner to find out. Good luck and stay positive! 

How do you cope with a breakup?

Five Tips to Keep Her Happy

Robert Manni - Thursday, October 03, 2013

Women are easy to please.

Really?  Yes—trust me. I’ve learned the hard way, and I continue to learn every day. Like most men, I used to view women as beautiful, exotic, unpredictable creatures; nearly impossible to figure out. I wasn’t doing the math. When guys don’t address the basics, women get complicated quickly. Like they said in Shrek, it’s all about the layers. Here are a few tips for guys that might help them keep their partners happy and their relationships on course, Guy’s Guy style.  Share them, ladies, and you might see a change for the better.

Clean Up Your Act.

Regardless of how tidy a woman may or may not be, she’s delighted when a man keeps his crib, car, clothes and body squeaky clean and smelling good. Special attention is required for the refrigerator, sink, and especially the bathroom. She’ll notice. Keeping clean is a positive way to live and it'll help guys score a check-plus on the first date and beyond. It may also up his chances at her wanting to see if his sheets and tighty whities are clean, as well. Once into a relationship, guys need to set the bar high. That means cleaning up around the house, taking out the garbage and vacuuming etc. It’s got to be done anyway, and she’ll notice.

Be Proactive.

If a woman has to keep drilling a guy about doing every little thing that’s expected, he’ll stay in the doghouse. It’s critical for men to take care of things on their own without having to be asked a million times. No one wants to be a nag, but she’ll seem like one if he doesn’t think ahead. Want to avoid “the talk”?  Anticipate a woman’s needs and address them. Surprise her with flowers, reservations at a restaurant she’s mentioned, cook her a tasty meal, order tickets for that play she wanted to see, etc. It all comes down to…

Paying Attention.

I know you've heard this one before. Even I still mess up at times. Guys have to stop thinking about themselves 24/7 and show more consideration for the one who keeps them happy. When they don’t, things get tricky and guys hear about it at the most inopportune times. I got an earful the other night right after settling in for the second half of the Cowboys-Giants game. She made a lot of great points, but maybe she should have been paying attention also—after all, she knows I’m a big Cowboys fan. Regardless, her points were on target, so I maintained eye contact throughout the “discussion”, actively listened and took her suggestions to heart.

Tell Her How You Feel.

When something’s wrong with a relationship guys often choose one of two courses of action. They do something about it or they leave. I’m not suggesting men are well adjusted in this area, but it’s usually how we roll. We’re not very good with addressing relationship issues. We try to fix things instead of discussing what’s wrong, the way women do. Men can work wonders if they listen with an open mind and express how they feel at the appropriate time. That’s not too much to ask.


I won't go into the details, but women reward men who are creative, attentive, romantic and aim to please their partner. It’s that simple.

There are many more ways for men to keep their relationships on course, but ultimately it comes down to mutual love and respect. Men and women want the same things; they just have different ways of expressing themselves. But, that’s a good thing, isn’t it? It would be a drag if everyone were the same.

Does your guy do what it takes to keep you happy?

Get Your Relationship off to a Good Start

Robert Manni - Thursday, August 22, 2013

Most of us have little patience. We want everything right now, especially when it comes to new love.

We spend hours thinking everything through and planning how it could play out, sometimes to the point where we’ve mentally visualized the entire relationship and the breakup before the first date even happens. It’s crazy, but I can understand it. We’re all crazy busy conducting our day-to-day lives and it’s a challenge to pause, exhale and allow a new relationship to grow organically. Regardless of your sex here are a few tips, Guy’s Guy style, for making the best of a new romantic connection.

Be a Buddhist.

Wait—what? One of the tenets for successfully practicing Buddhism is a lack of desire. Of course you're attracted to the person you’re out with, but during those first few dates, try focusing on the journey and not the outcome. You might find that the simple act of sharing the company of someone new and your initial experiences are rewarding without the weight of expectations. Just have a good time and get to know your partner.  That’s it, but it’s not as easy as it sounds unless you commit to it beforehand. Leave your baggage and expectations behind and just…be.

Don’t judge.

We do a lot of judging. Whether it’s for our jobs or from watching all the talent-based reality shows, we live in a society that thrives on turning our thumbs up or down. Unfortunately, too often we carry this mindset into our relationships. In a way it’s understandable. No one wants to waste his or her time dating someone who does not measure up to what we’re seeking in a relationship. But let’s exhale every so often and give the other person the benefit of the doubt for minor infractionslike a guy walking on the inside while you’re traipsing down a crowded street in MePa. News flash. No one’s perfect, not even you, and if we remind ourselves of this every so often, it could allow new love to grow.

Be considerate.

This door swings both ways. If you’re a guy, plan the first date. Listen to what your partner’s interests are and offer up an experience that delights her. Whether it’s an outdoor Shakespeare performance, an ethnic restaurant or a bike ride along the Hudson River Park, plan a date that let’s her know that you’re paying attention and want to please her. Believe me, this goes a long way to getting things off to a great start. If you’re a woman, give the guy a break and return his call or text or whatever in a timely fashion and show up at a reasonable time.  Understand that he’s probably as nervous as you are on that first date. And, if you two click, you might find that the first time isn’t necessary the best time or a reliable indicator of how compatible you’ll be when it comes to intimacy. Just sayin’.

Be honest.

Love can be a game, but you also want to be truthful with yourself. If you’re not feeling it, there’s no need to get into details, but don’t leave your partner dangling. If they did their best, but the chemistry’s not there, let him or her know that you had a nice time and leave it at that. I’m not suggesting downloading the bad news at the end of the first date, but when they follow up for round two, take the call and let them know that you’re passing. Concurrently, if you had a great time and want to see him or her again, there is nothing wrong with letting your new partner know that you had a blast. You never know, they might not be reading the signals clearly and you don’t want to risk that they never call again because they did not think you enjoyed their company. I’m not suggesting that you have to gush, but there are lots of ways to let your partner know that you’re interested in seeing them again.

Life moves quickly and when we fail to keep a handle on it, it can move so fast that we miss out by not taking the time to appreciate the beauty of possibility. Until next time…

Are you doing what it takes to get your new relationship off to a great start? 

Red Flags - 4 Sign's He's Not the One Part 2

Robert Manni - Friday, August 16, 2013
Every storm begins with a few drops of rain. When I finished my last post on red flags when it comes to dating, I realized that I had just scratched the surface. Not to say that it's all doom and gloom when it comes to finding "Mr. Right," but here are a few more signs to avoid.
He Has A Double Standard About Sex.
Sex is territorial for men, and it’s also where many guys maintain a double standard.  Guys go to strip clubs, get lap dances, and who knows—maybe even a happy ending. He might rationalize that hopping into the sack with another woman is not a big deal because “he’s just getting off”. And he’s probably telling the truth. To most guys, sex is a physical act. That said, he’s not going to reciprocate and view your having sex with another man through the same lens. Bottom line, it’s unfair. So if he’s sleeping with other women and he takes offense when you play it the same way, you’re not on the same page. You need to have “the talk” about this. If there is no agreed to line of delineation, you may want to rethink the relationship because it’s going to happen again.

He’s Abusive. 
There is physical and emotional violence and both are unacceptable in a relationship. It’s a very complicated area and I’m just your Guy’s Guy, but once a man gets away with abuse, the situation can quickly become a runaway train. I recommend that you strongly consider ending a relationship the moment any guy raises a hand or verbally berates you. Putting up with the abuse, rationalizing it or considering what you did to make him behave this way is a recipe for disaster. We are all responsible for our own actions. Love yourself and don’t take any crap.

He’s REALLY Into Porn.
We know guys are visual, and trust me, nothing makes a dude happier than seeing his woman dolled up in lingerie and heels. And with the barrage of sexual imagery the media spits out like a Gatling gun, any man can celebrate the female body in all its glory whenever he wants. Amen and hallelujah. That said, if you guy spends night after night drooling at porn sites on his oversized computer screen, it could take a toll on your relationship. Guys can view zillions of photos of women acting out any fantasy they have. This can set the expectation bar quite high so unless you are ready to perform, and I mean really perform, you may want to clock the time he spends online just a little bit so it doesn't get out of hand.

He Disrespects Your Family.
Everyone’s family is dysfunctional in some way. Families are living, breathing organisms. Some are more fun, more interesting or more loving than others, but when it comes to your partner’s family, it’s best to either join the party or keep a quiet distance as much as possible. If he disrespects your family, it’s a bad sign. If you feel his family has disrespected you, it’s also unacceptable. In most relationships, you’ll eventually have to deal with your partner’s family. If this becomes a point of contention and discomfort, ask yourself what can be done to remedy what could become an unmovable object and irresistible force confronting your relationship.

We each get one trip around the track, so be aware of the warning signs that signal the potential for getting into a relationship that is not built on a foundation of love and respect.
Our Guy's Guy of the Week is Roger Fox, the roguish womanizer from my novel The Guys' Guy's Guide to Love.
Are You Mindful of the Signs that He’s Not The One?

Is Technology Killing Dating?

Robert Manni - Thursday, June 20, 2013

It’s ironic that nowadays, something as easy as dating has become a challenge and obsession. 

Technology has made interpersonal communication and hooking up so easy and disposable that real dating is as difficult now as it was before the Internet or social media enabled our efforts. Before the Internet, guys put themselves on the line when meeting a lady. We’d hit the bar or the gym and organically strike up a conversation that might lead to another conversation that might lead to a drink or a date. Concurrently, women hoped that the right guy would approach them at the bars or the gym. Now everyone’s time is compartmentalized and women are not waiting around. We use technology to engage or keep people away. When the headphones are on, don’t talk to meon the street, in a store, or in the gym. The bar is for your friends or watching the game. If you want to meet someone you go onlinedating sites, FB, Twitter, Instagram, Tinder.  Plink, plink, plink and you’re meeting for coffee. Does anyone know how to talk to somebody new without a handheld device?

There has never been a better time to be a guy. Women are smart, sexy, fit, and financially secure. Don’t send photos of your private parts and keep the cargo pants in the closet until Saturday and you can score at will. Women are looking for good guys to hang with and many don’t want a long-term relationship. They just want to have sex with you. Jackpot! So lots of guys take sex for granted and unfortunately don’t put in the effort to emotionally connect with women. Guys are too busy watching sports or checking their fantasy team stats to know when their perfect match is sitting right across the room with her girlfriends. Older guys know how to approach a woman, even in a group. They’ve had loads of practice getting shot down. It’s like a sales job.  You grow a thick skin and eventually smooth out your pitch.

There’s never been a more interesting time to be a woman. Face it. You don’t need guys for all that much. They’re not that evolved emotionally and you have more opportunities in the work place so you don’t need their money. That leaves sex and companionship and you can get lots of companionship and stimulating conversation from your BFF’s without having to deal with grunting frat boys. That leaves sex. Yes, it is an interesting time for women, not necessarily the best time. Guys need to catch up. I hope you’ll help them. If not, enjoy the sex.

Solution? Your Guy’s Guy wants men to be men. Get out there and introduce yourself to at least three new women per week, the old fashion way. “Hi, I’m Mike.”  Then ask her an open-ended question. Maybe if you’re confident and know how to smile the woman will slip off her ear buds and reply, “Hi, I’m Julie.” Just sayin’.

Is technology helping or hurting your dating life?

Our Guy's Guy of the Week is James Gandolfini for his authentic portrayal of Tony Soprano and for being an authentic Guy's Guy in real life.

4 Ways To Keep Your Guy Happy

Robert Manni - Thursday, April 25, 2013

Size matters. That said, one size does not fit all.

So take these words of wisdom with a grain of salt because every man is different. However, most fit under a fairly big tent when it comes to knowing what they like from a woman. That's not to say that if you don't follow these tips he's going to immediately bolt out of the door and hit the ground running, but you might want to keep these in mind if you want your guy to remain your happy camper. Here are a few starters for your consideration. If you’re not sure about them, ask a guy. Better yet, ask a Guy’s Guy.

1. Keep the sex fresh. 

Most guys fall into patterns concerning what gets them off, both mentally and physically. And we know they are visual. Their preferences could be for women who are super-fit, thick and delish, lean and mean, the girl next store, women on top, yee-haw cowgirl style, leather and lace, cheerleader, she’s the man, whatever. No judgments here. It’s got to work for both of you. But when guys find something they like, they tend to stick with a proven formula. Yes, men are creatures of habit. If you always serve it up to them the same way, most guys will take it and say thank you. Better yet, if you take whatever they like and kick it up a notch, your guy will follow you around like a puppy dog. But remember: it has to work for you both.

2. His stomach is a tried and true path to his heart. 

Yes, guys like to eat and drink. It helps if you enjoy food as much as he does and better yet if one of you likes to cook. And even better yet, that person is you. Most guys today not only know how to cook, but they take pride in their culinary skills. But, sometimes that means being the grill general, not the sous chef, the dessert maker, the baker, the salad dresser, etc. Usually one partner leads the cooking. Yes, I know we're all busy, but guys love to eat a home cooked meal and wash it down with a quality beverage. So if you are so inclined, take charge and every so often feed your guy good, healthy fare. Many single guys live day-to-day by doing take out or the microwave or by grabbing a burger at the local tavern—and that’s it until the weekend. Any help his partner provides concerning food and drink will be welcomed. I promise. If you don’t cook, consider bringing him some healthy take out. And when it comes to drinks, if you and your guy like beer, wine or spirits, drink moderately, but only drink the real good stuff. When you bring home a top-shelf pinot noir—that’s a check plus, my dear.

3. Be supportive of his dream. 

Many guy’s lives seem to be built on waking each day to slug it out at the office. And there's nothing wrong with that, but I’ll bet that deep down every guy has a dream. Maybe it’s been squashed or put on hold by economic necessities, time, or responsibilities to others. But, I’ll bet if you take the time, you can open your man up and encourage him to express his personal goals and aspirations. Frankly, you are probably the only one who is asking him, so it's important and he will be appreciative—as long as you’re sincere and not patronizing. And if he has a tangible goal that he has the ability to accomplish, by all means: be there to cheer him on. That’s what partners do for each other.

4. Give him the benefit of the doubt. 

 Men screw up. A lot. And we usually know when we screw up. The last thing we need is our partner rubbing it in our face. Talk about it, address the core issue and hopefully move on, unless he’s cheating on you. Obviously that's unacceptable and you’ll need to decide if you want to give him another chance or not. You'll know best about that situation so follow your inner compass. I’m not suggesting that you waste your time on a guy who cheats, but every situation is different so find out what drove him into this negative behavior. If it’s a pattern, say "adios amigo". But get the facts. Naturally, there are a lot other situations that guys screw up, but we'll save that for another time.

I hope that’s a start to better understanding guys and managing your relationships. Remember, guys are flawed, but they have promise and need your help to be their very best. 

Our Guy's Guy of the Week is Bob Marley, for always spreading a positive vibration.

Are you doing the things that keep your guy happy?

The Guys' Guy's Rules About Rules

Robert Manni - Friday, April 19, 2013

Rule number one: There is no such thing as fight club.

Let’s start with that thought in mind. In my opinion, there's no specific set rules when it comes to guys, gals and dating. I'm a firm believer that women and men deserve respect as adults who can think for themselves. There are tons of books on this subjectmost of them written by women for women. Now don’t take this the wrong way: I respect everyone’s right to have an opinion and everyone’s right to buy a book someone’s perspective about building successful relationships. And all of this is just one guy’s point of view. There’s one thing to consider though; most of the books about men are written by women. I’m more of a fan when the writers are accredited experts, psychologists or doctors of human behavior who address their subject matter from a purely objective perspective. But, we know that’s rarely the case. So many times it’s ladies telling ladies what they need to know about men. There’s only one problem with that approach. They’re not men and as we know, it’s not easy to crawl inside the head of the opposite sex.

How Guys Roll

For better or for worse, when it comes to love, most men wing it. Sorry ladies, but that’s how most guys dive into the dating pool. With a nod to today’s technology, a guy sees a woman he likes and strikes up a conversation. From there, it’s on. Sometimes things work out; many times they don’t. When it doesn't work out, the guy brushes himself off and starts the process again. Of course men need to be more circumspect about what happened and what they might do differently before jumping back into the dating pool. But we know that they don’t always do this. It’s one of the reasons I write my blog and at times take guys to task. If a guy made a mistake, it usually has something to do with him not paying attention. Guys are not very good at that and we usually don’t tell each other how to date. Most men do their own thing and don’t overthink what comes natural. Sure, guys need to evolve and do a better job of being aware of a woman’s emotional and physical needs, but I doubt women want men to enter into a state of paralysis through analysis where they become afraid to make a move. A bit more thoughtfulness will help though.

Women’s Rules About Guys

I’ve read the most popular books on this subject and found them well-intended and well-written with some excellent tips for ladies about how to steer a relationship. Bravo. Thumbs down though when they declare an unbreakable code of actions and behaviors. I’m also a tad disturbed by what I interpreted as a controlling tonality and preying on women’s self-esteem.  You know, where they tell you that the guy doesn’t find you attractive (gee, thanks) or some laundry list of do’s and don’ts about how to interact with men.  Maybe it’s me, but the women I know are whip-smart, successful and capable of making good decisions. I wonder why women find it necessary to live by other women’s standards and specific behaviors. Just asking. Not responding to an text or email before a set number of hours have elapsed? Really? I assume this is meant to be empowering, but a woman needing to be told how long to wait for anything? Women deserve better, especially from other women. And as a guy, I’m not crazy about some of what I’ve read and interpreted as generalizations about men, like we were beamed down from Planet Neanderthal. Love is a two-way street. Let’s look for ways to treat everyone with respect so we can all enjoy the ride. Grammar school was a good venue for digesting someone’s list of do’s and don’ts. We’re all adults here.

What Can We Do?

I was on a media tour right before Valentine’s Day. All of the female hosts who interviewed me wanted to know what women can do to bridge the gap between the sexes. Needless to say I was thrilled by this question. It will be the topic of an upcoming column. Until then I leave you with the following.

At the end of one of my interviews, one of the hosts read the following passage from my novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE. The main character, Max Hallyday, discusses the growing chasm between the sexes with his womanizing best friend, Roger Fox.

“You know, Roger, we all have our issues, but men and women aren’t that different. We’re searching for the same things in life. And when you get to the heart of it, everyone needs to be loved. So why do men and women keep analyzing each other when the truth is so…simple?”

Our Guy's Guy of the Week is Bukowski for breaking all the rules.

Are you living life by your own rules?

The Guy's Guy Interviewed by Moll Anderson on Sirius XM

Robert Manni - Tuesday, April 16, 2013

5 Ways Men Can Man Up, Now

Robert Manni - Thursday, April 04, 2013

The advice I read from the plethora of dating gurus, the more I scratch head and wonder what's really going on.

If men have really become so lame that they need to be reminded that texting photos of their private parts to prospective paramours is a bad idea, then the bar has been lowered too far. Keeping this in mind, I present to you five key areas where men can easily up their game and connect with women.

1. Honesty - This one is numero uno, and for good reason. Besides a Swiss bank account or Ryan Gosling's charm, honesty is probably the most desired trait a woman looks for in a man. And, it's a foundation for being a Guy’s Guy. Simply put, women want men to have goals and be the best version of themselves. If you don’t have honesty committed to muscle memory, you’re going to have trouble with your relationships and with life in general.

2. Reality – So many guys want the bling and the babes, but don’t have much to offer in return. If you’re still living with your Mom, we understand, but don’t expect Beyonce to leave Jay-Z so she can hang in your basement and play video games. For the most part, you usually find a mate that plays at your speed, so if you want a thoroughbred, you better have the chops to beat the competition around the track. Too many young bucks want to date women with bodies like strippers while they have blubber guts from pounding too many McRibs. Get real, amigo.

3. Generosity - Women do not like tightwads. Sure, thriftiness comes in handy, but you’ve got to bust out the cash when you hit it off with the right girl. If she is the right one, she won’t take you to the cleaners.  So if she passes muster after a Chardonnay date, ante up and take her to a nice restaurant and PAY THE BILL. No splitting the check on the first date. And put her in a cab after that good night smooch. Even if she wanted to knock boots, she’ll want to tear you apart if she sees you have control of your urges. Trust me, it will be worth the short wait.

4. Empathy – Guess what? Being a woman is hard. Guys can roll out of bed and show up. Women are pressured into bringing it every day of the week. The clothes, the shoes, the hair, the bag. The list keeps going. And she has to take care of your shit, too. A woman’s work truly is never done. Cut her a break, brother.

5. Integrity – If you say you are going to call her, hit up her digits. If you’re no longer interested in dating her, let her know so she can move on. Don’t use a woman with an open heart. Yes, every guy, including myself, has succumbed to his libido and kept doing the walk of shame with a woman he was no longer interested in for one reason only. SEX. Find another lady.

There are lots more where this came from, but ask yourself or your man if he knows how to man up.

Our Guy's Guy of the Week is wrestler Bruno Sammartino, for his long-overdue election to the WWE Hall of Fame.

5 More Things Women Need To Know About Men

Robert Manni - Thursday, March 14, 2013

After all of the endless cosmos-fueled discussions with your BFFs about your boyfriends, will you finally crack the guy code about men’s strange behavior?

If only it were only that simple, ladies.  That said, your Guy’s Guy promises to shed some more light on my compadres. I can’t solve all your man problems, but I can share a few additional insights about how men are wired and how they operate.  From there it’s up to you. Here are a few tips about men.

1. Sex, Sex, Sex

Shocker; men have sex on their minds. That means every hour of every day. It’s just the way it is. It trumps everything. Case in point. I Just watched The Millionaire Matchmaker. Both guys picked the best-looking women with the biggest boobs. Young guys?  They’re hard-wired for sex, 24/7, 365 and are easily aroused. And if you think older guys get over their sexual thoughts, just ask Steven Tyler. Married guys? Fuggetaboutit.  Sure, many married men repress their urges, but they maintain secret sexual fantasies. Please don’t take this personally or as a judgment of your relationship. To men, it’s only sex. And even though guys know how to compartmentalize sex, it doesn’t mean they’ll stray. Men think about sex far more often than they act upon it. If you come to terms with this, you’ll be better prepared to deal with the giant elephant in the room. When properly channeled, sexuality is healthy. Though at the same time, cheating or mentally objectifying women through porn are unacceptable. The point is that men harbor a steady flow of sexual urges that need to be acknowledged, yet harnessed and managed properly. It’s all part of being a man. 

2. What You See Is What You Get

Although I’ve written about this before in previous posts, it’s worth a second mention.  For the most part, men are not passive aggressive. If they say something, they usually mean it. If it’s out of anger, they blast it out and move on. Unlike the dysfunctional behavior seen in the countless "Real Housewives of..." shows and spinoffs, men express themselves without a lot of subtext.  Guys really are simple creatures, and I state this as a positive. Clarity and reliability are reassuring traits. Men let you know where they stand. If you’re unsure about a man’s opinion, just ask him. Most men will give you their two cents on any subject or situation, except when it comes to…

3.  Patronizing Women

For some reason, many men feel that it’s necessary to bullshit women. Maybe it’s the guilt about a preponderance of sexual thoughts or secret hopes of getting a woman into the sack by telling them what they think a woman wants to hear. This includes classics like, “I don’t like the women in strip clubs,” or “Angelina Jolie? She’s not my type.” You might want to believe these white lies, but I suggest you refer to point #1: Men always have sex on their minds.

4. Men Are Driven By Fear and Ego

This includes yours truly, though I’m aware of my issue and working on it. As you know, men are super-competitive and always want to win. Maybe this is product of our upbringing, societal expectations, and participation in sports. A competitive drive can be healthy. But if you dig a little deeper into a man’s psyche, you might find his fear of losing is stronger than his desire to win. Think about it next time you observe your man on the golf course, tennis court, or playing a board game. He likes winning, but he can’t bear to lose.

5. Deep Down, Men Want Solid Relationships

Let’s take the sexual elephant out of the room for a moment. See how much calmer your man is—just like after he has an orgasm and plops down into your arms. He’s stress-free. This can be a good time to surface important issues because there’s no sexual tension or agenda present and he’ll open up about his feelings more than usual.

You’ll find that most men want to be in a relationship. They need acceptance and they want to share their life with someone who understands them. I was hooked from the moment my wife texted me, “I believe in you.”

But even that’s been contingent on how I manage my percolating sexuality.

Our Guy's Guy of the Week is Dr. Phil, for always keeping it real.

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