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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

5 Ways to Survive a First Date

Robert Manni - Thursday, June 05, 2014


You only get one chance to make a good first impression.

When it comes to dating, truer words have never been spoken. First dates can be exhilarating, anxiety-driven, fun-filled or disastrous affairs. We’ve all been there and we’ve all had some successes and a few massive fails. That’s part of the reason we keep coming back for more—you just never know what’s in that box of chocolates, Forrest. Whether you’re a guy or a lady, there are a number of ways not punch your ticket and move on to the promised land—the second date. Assuming that there’s enough chemistry to make the initial connection, here is my Guy’s Guy list of first date pitfalls to avoid in order to make it to the second date.

Don’t show up late.

A Guy’s Guy shows up first. He never leaves a lady he’s interested in sitting alone at the bar all dressed up, nursing a cocktail. It’s rude, it’s just plain dumb and it’s an invitation for other men to move in on your turf. If you’re a lady, it’s fine to show up to fifteen minutes beyond the anointed time. Anything later and you risk the same fate as the aforementioned guy.

Don’t drink too much.

Alcohol can be a great social lubricant, especially following a hard day at work. A glass of wine, a craft beer, or a cocktail are all fun choices. If the conversation’s flowing and you can handle your booze, it’s okay to call for a refill. But after two drinks, things can go downhill quickly. It’s way too early to start sharing details of your sex life or personal history. One time, on a particularly memorable first date, after two drinks the woman professed her love for oral sex. Take one guess what was on my mind for the remainder of the evening. Yeah. You get the picture.

Have an exit strategy.

Let’s say you finally meet the guy who sent those snappy text messages and he’s less than charming in person. The lack of sparkles prompts you to hatch your escape plan, but it’s if not easy because he’s a nervous chatterbox who won’t shut up. So you make up a lie about having an interview the next morning while reaching for your bag. Awkward. It’s much better to lay the groundwork at the beginning of the date by telling him that you can only stay for one drink. This way you’re having a great time and decide to hang out, he’s going to feel like he’s the man who convinced you to change your plans. Everybody wins.

Don’t talk about your ex.

If you want to start things off on the right foot, avoid droning on about your failed relationships. This goes for guys and gals—nobody you’ve just met wants to hear the gory details of your past. Keep it light and find things to discuss that are all about the “now”. It’s all that matters anyway.

Don’t have sex with him/her.

A Guy’s Guy believes that when it comes to sex, all decisions should always be in the hands of two consenting adults. It’ll happen when it happens. Ladies: it’s perfectly fine to leave something for the imagination, or maybe even the next date. Guys: please demonstrate self-control on that first date. The woman will notice and she’ll secretly thank you for being a gentleman.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. With a little planning, mindfulness and common sense, you can have a great time on that first date and maybe even turn it into the first step of a new relationship. Good luck.

Think you can make it through that first date like a pro?

The Guys' Guy's Guide to Listening

Robert Manni - Friday, May 30, 2014


How many times have you told a friend or colleague something of importance only to see their eyes glaze over while you pour your heart out?

Don’t worry. It’s not you. It’s them. But we’ve all been “them”. What I mean is, our crazy world and its demands set our minds on overdrive for most of the day. So unfortunately when someone is speaking to us, many times we’re either thinking of our response or what we want for lunch or that we have to pick up the dry cleaning or sex. It’s a sign of the times. Too often people talk at each other. If you don’t believe me, next time you are sitting alone, fiddling with your Samsung Galaxy, eavesdrop on those people at the adjacent table or seated close by on the train. You’ll probably hear one person dominating what is supposed to be a conversation, but is really a download. That fact is, life is tough and we all need to be heard. 

But take heed. It doesn’t have to be this way. You, yes, you, can turn one of these verbal dumping sessions into a positive experience. It takes a little work, but it can be done. Here are my Guy’s Guy tips for active listening. We’ll use the example of two BFF’s here, but the template works in business, also.

1. Take a deep breath.

Let’s say your bestie has just lost her job or she’s having  major love issues with her partner. She probably wants someone to hear her out and empathize with her struggle. She may or may not want your suggestions right now. She simply needs to hurl and you're within range, so you need to prepare yourself. Remember, we all face trouble at one time or another and it is helpful to tell them to a friend. Inhale, exhale, and get hip to the situation. It’s your time to listen.

2. Shut up.

Now that you know what the conversation is all about, you want to clam up and hear her out. If you feel it is necessary to slow her down or if you need a break, ask her something like, “so how do you feel about that?” This may get hear thinking about how to fix her problem. The same holds true in business, especially a service business. You need to find out where the pain points are before you can add value and sell a client a solution. So, do your best to keep your lips zipped and let the other person have their say before adding your two cents. It’s part of being a friend or a good business partner.

3. Think about what she is saying.

That’s code for actively listening instead of tuning out or thinking about that cute guy with the long fingers in your yoga class who reminds you of Daniel Day-Lewis. The reality is that your friend is confiding in you for a reason. She needs someone to talk to, and more importantly, she thinks highly enough of you to give you with the honor of dumping her data on you. So be the good friend you signed up to be and deploy some psychic energy so that you can help her out.

4. Ask what she’s going to do.

This will also get her thinking about solutions or what she needs. This is also a good time to ask her if she wants your point of view. If she agrees, you might start out with questions that crystallize the issue what she wants to get out of it.

Let’s say she lost her job and she’s on a rant about her a-hole boss who pushed her out. Maybe ask what would bring her the most joy career wise and the type of work would make her happy. Just your asking her this question may help her realize that she never really liked being in advertising and that she’s always wanted to open up a flower shop.

5. Ask how you can help.

This is what friends do. This is also what smart people in business do. They look for ways to be of service to their friends, colleagues and clients. Yes, I know business always comes down to making money, but business is conducted between people, so you’ve got to sharpen those people skills to get ahead, and better yet, to be of service.

At some point you’ll be the one who needs a shoulder to lean on, so be generous and sympathetic when someone starts downloading on you. Of course if their M. O. is to do this every time you get together, then you might not want to hang with them. Unfortunately, when this happens in business, you’ll either need to suck it up, or find a new client.

Are you a good listener?

This week’s Guys’ Guys of the Week are all the people who work in retail or the customer service field. They listen to people’s problems all day. They probably need someone to talk to when they get off work.

Technology and Dating: Boom or Bust?

Robert Manni - Friday, April 25, 2014


It’s the best of times and the worst of times.

The preponderance of technology into modern life has pulled the world closer together while at the same time creating more separation. Dating is a prime example of this technological fall out with both men and women paying a price. So let’s take a quick look at how technology and social media have enabled dating and also made it more challenging to find mate.

The good stuff.

Hooray for online dating. Everyone is busy and people don’t have the time to troll the bars and clubs to find their mate. Women can hang with their BFF’s while occasionally checking their phones for the next group of guys who reach out and tell them they’re hot.  And dudes can score dates with hot women while sitting at home in their tighty whiteys. Dating online is fast, empowering and fun. If you’re a guy, all you need is spell check, a photo with your shirt on and the patience to mindfully read woman’s person’s profile. After a short message or email you exchange digits and you’re off and running.

When you get together everything can change quickly. But so what if there aren’t any sparks? When you meet online, you can end it with one keystroke— delete. It’s generally considered that people we meet online are disposal and replaceable. That’s not necessarily fair, but it’s how the game is played. So if you can check your feelings at the door, you have a shot at finding a match. And millions do every day. My wife likes to say that she found me online and there are so many others who have found their soul mate online.

Things to keep in mind.

Not everyone has a thick skin and can deal with the cut and dry aspects of online dating. So we need to remind ourselves that there is a human being with real feelings and emotions person behind their online persona. Just because you met online doesn’t make he or she less deserving of your respect. Keep your standards high and don’t forget the words— please, excuse me, and thank you. And if she’s interested and it’s not a match at least let her know that there were no sparkles if she asks.

Another consideration is that, an itchy trigger finger on that delete button could prevent you from getting to know someone who is worth a little extra effort. Not everyone is consistently at the top of his or her game when flirting online or during that first meet up. That’s not to suggest that you waste your time on an obviously bad fit. But if you think about some of your best friends or lovers, did those relationships always begin under the best circumstances?

Oops.

Between Facebook, Twitter and Tinder we live in an age of maximum exposure. And once something finds its way online, it’s there forever. Keep that in mind next time you think it’s acceptable to sext pics of your junk to a lady or before you take that selfie while drinking from that bottle of chocolate whipped cream vodka. These might not be images you want to share with a prospective mate or potential employer.

Technology and social media can be a dater’s best friend or worst enemy.  Always remember that dating is a face-to-face activity. Keep it real, amigo.

This week’s Guy’s Guy of the Week is any dude who picks up the phone and asks a woman out instead of hitting her up by text to see if she wants to hang out. 

Guy's Guy's Dating Basics - Part 1

Robert Manni - Friday, March 21, 2014


The more things change the more they stay the same.

Every day, month and year guys make the same basic errors in their efforts to woo a woman. With the advent of more and more technology, sometimes guys don’t even have to speak with a woman before “hanging out” with her in the hopes of getting some you know what. It’s a sad state of affairs that I felt compelled to tackle this post, but a Guy’s Guy does what’s necessary in the service of his fellow men and women. Because in a Guy’s Guy world, men and women win when they can both be at their best. So listen up fellas, and ladies, let me know how you feel about these five basic rules for men who are dating.

Respect.

You treat your best buds right. You split the last beer in the six- pack. You spring for the pizza delivered to your crib during the game.  But when it comes to women, you send them photos of your junk when you need a booty call. Not good. A rule of thumb is to treat the woman you are with, whether she is your girlfriend or someone you just met, with the same courtesy, generosity and respect that you do to your very best male friend.  She is a person, and an equal, who in most ways is just like you. And in most cases she’ll start off on her best foot by putting your needs before hers. Now of course not every woman fits this bill, but the women you want to be with do.

Call Her.

If you want to stand out from the crowd, pick up the phone and give her a call. It doesn’t matter if you’re set up a time to get together or confirming the location of your date. Notice, I said date, not hanging out. Women like hanging out, but they want to date a real man. So take a break from all the texting and call her. If your call goes to voicemail, leave a message. Don’t hang up assuming she’ll see your number and call back. And whatever it was that you wanted to talk about, make sure you tell her that you wanted to hear her voice. And if that’s not the case, why the hell are you seeing her anyway?

Be On Time.

See point one. Being on time is a sign of respect. Being late without a damn good excuse means that her time is not as valuable as yours. Women know this and do not like it when guys leave them sitting and waiting alone at a crowded bar or restaurant. If you make a habit of being late for your lady, other guys’ll hit her on, and eventually she’ll  consider the dudes who have their game on. That brings us to our next point.

Never Take A Woman For Granted.

So she really digs you and you’ve rumpled the sheets with her in every position imaginable. That does not mean she should be taken lightly or for granted. In fact, you should be treat her even better for all the things she’s done for you in and out of bed. This is an easy trap to fall into.  I’ve been there myself a few times before being dumped, and deservingly so.

Let Freedom Ring.

Being possessive or controlling is a sign of insecurity. Too many guys get their hackles up when another male takes a look at, or God forbid, says something to the women they’re with. Hey, I do not condone hitting on someone else’s date, but let’s keep things light and friendly. Not every guy is looking to jump your lady’s bones. And if you are that concerned about it, what do you do when she’s at work or out with her friends? My advice is to be confident and secure in that she chose you. Now it’s up to you to keep her interested and not screw things up.

The list of dating tips for guys goes on and on. Frankly, I’m just getting warmed up. If you take one thing away from this pointed rant it’s to treat others the way you want to be treated. And when it comes to a woman, treat her twice as well as you treat yourself. You’ll get lots of dates and the word will get around that you’re a guy who “gets it”.

Are you taking care of the basics when getting your dating game on?

5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Back Into the Game

Robert Manni - Friday, February 21, 2014


The most important person to know in your life is yourself.

Yet so many people spend the majority of their time reacting to what’s going on around them. Before they know it, each new day has turned into a Xerox copy of the previous one. And there’s no other area than dating that demonstrates this repetitive, redundant behavior where we too often rush into a new situation without considering what we want and need to be happy. They say the heart wants what it wants, but we can be swayed by the conscious mind and exterior world into believing someone is right for us when they really aren’t.  Since we’ve just begun a new year, let’s address our dating goals like a good investigative reporter and ask a few basic questions before hopping back on the dating merry-go-round. And of course, we’ll approach it Guy’s Guy style so everyone can win.

Who?

There is no better place to begin than by asking who we are at this point in time. Many daters are not in touch with themselves and as a result they continually chasing after people they think will make them happy. If we take the time to slow down and explore our hearts we might find that we have been putting our emotional eggs into the wrong baskets. If you don’t know who you are and what makes you tick how can you really know someone else that you want to give your heart to? This is the critical step for finding the right partner. In advertising terms, it’s called knowing your brand.

What?

This is another critical question to ask before beginning another dating cycle. Many women have a list of criteria they expect in a man. Maybe it’s money, a certain occupation, a physical look, style or even a specific attitude. Nothing wrong with having parameters, but instead of simply asking ourselves what we want, let’s consider what we have to offer a potential partner. Men make this mistake all the time. I know a lot of guys who expect the women they date to have a stripper bodies and razor sharp minds. Unfortunately, a lot of these guys are just regular dudes who spend too much time on the couch watching the game with a Bud in their hand. If we ask ourselves what we have to offer, we’ll be more realistic about the type of person we can attract.

Where?

I recently read a book by a prominent dating coach to help women find and meet men. I was amazed that this had become such an issue. There are guys everywhere and a simple smile will usually get their attention.  The bottom line is to fish where the fish are. If you want to meet men, you may have to hit some bars, ball games, ski slopes and gyms. You can also meet lots of cool dudes in wine tasting or cooking classes, tech stores, libraries, the museum, the laundry mat, book stores, running clubs, and on and on. Guys are omnipresent and usually approachable. Meeting them is more a function of your attitude.

When?

Nowadays we’re all so busy with our career nowadays that we say we don’t have time to invest in dating. Okay, but just like anything else in life, you get out what you put into it. So if you are seeking a partner, you’re going to have to meet new people and that takes time.

Why?

Hey, Guy’s Guy, between all the circumspection, knowing my brand and fishing where the fish are, this dating business really does takes up a lot of time. Why am I doing all of this? A-ha. That’s the magic question. Go ahead and ask yourself.  And then ask yourself who, what, where and when before jumping back into the dating pool. Hopefully you’ll be more prepared to meet a partner that’s right for you.

Are you asking yourself the right questions when it comes to dating?

5 Ways Women Sabotage Themselves With Men

Robert Manni - Friday, February 07, 2014


You’ve got to be in it to win it.

This old saying refers to dating, too. I hear from so many women who complain that they're having such a hard time meeting the right guy. With everyone working at a frantic pace just to maintain the status quo, it’s no wonder that we have little patience left when it comes to dating. We want what we want now, right ladies? Well, your Guy’s Guy is here to bring you both the bad and the good news about meeting men. Hopefully it will get you what you want, when it you want it. Here are five ways women can sabotage themselves when connecting with guys.

Always Plugged In.

I can’t tell you how many times I decided not to introduce myself to a woman because she was wearing her ear buds or playing Candy Crush on the subway. I love my music, too, but living in New York City provides me with more than enough stimulation that I don't feel a need to stay plugged in 24/7. Countless guys have told me that this is the number one deterrent to politely approaching a woman. I can’t say how much is too much, but while you were listening to Rihanna sing about “talking that talk” the cute guy sitting across from you on the E train probably decided to “walk that walk” at the 5th Avenue station instead of introducing himself. Just sayin’. 

Not Fishing Where the Fish Are.

Where can I meet a nice guy? I’ve been asked that a lot. Look around—there are guys everywhere and they're usually open to chatting up a cute woman like you.  To be more specific, you can find guys in bars, gyms, and ball games. But if these places are not your cup of tea, check out wine-tasting classes, golf course, tech stores, museums, the park, the beach, or even the laundry mat. And that’s for starters.

Traveling In Packs.

Women's rise in professional power was long overdue. That being said, it can be daunting for a guy to approach a group of women sitting at a table at a club or a bar. It’s a pressure-packed situation that most men will shy away from. You can say it’s lame, but them’s the facts. Guys like to separate a woman from the group and that’s no easy task when all of her friends are looking him over and mentally judging his every word and move. Try going out with one girlfriend and sitting at the bar instead of a table.  You’ll meet plenty of guys that way. It’s up to you how to manage their advances and all the free drinks.

Sticking Too Closely Your List.

The longer you’re single, the longer the list grows. And before you know it, you’re plucking random gray hairs and sitting on the couch on Saturday night stroking your cat, Fluffy. Not a good look. Alright, I’m being dramatic; but trust me—time files and if you keep adding to your dating criteria, you’ll shrink the pool of available dudes. If your list is longer than five, it’s too long. Another thing to consider is that sometimes traveling off the grid reaps mega rewards. Think about it.

Tossing Him Back Too Soon.

I know there’s always more fish in that online dating ocean and it’s so easy to just delete him for something as minor as walking with you on the wrong side of the sidewalk. Take it from your Guy’s Guy—men screw up, but we are resilient and we aim to please. If you give a guy a second chance over a minor indiscretion (and I don’t mean cheating), you might find out something about what he’s got inside.

 

Are you taking steps not to sabotage yourself with guys?

Sex: How Does it Impact a Relationship?

Robert Manni - Thursday, January 23, 2014


Like snowflakes, no two people are alike.

The same goes for how they are wired, sexually. If one partner is a proponent of twice a day, every day, while the other is all about quality over quantity, can the relationship survive? I’m sure we’ve all been with partners of varying degrees of sexuality. Have you ever stepped back to consider if this was a cause of a break up? Here’s my list of Guy’s Guys considerations about the importance and role of sex in a relationship.

When it’s all about the sex.

Most of us have been in a relationship or two that were driven by sexuality. Every time you get together it’s a marathon. But can it work long term? Let’s discuss. Case in point: I dated a wonderful woman for exactly eighteen months. She’d drive to my beach house every Friday where we would remain in bed until she’d drive home on Sunday night. Of course we took a few breaks for meals, walks on the boardwalk or to check out a movie. But then it was back to the sack. We broke up suddenly—a random argument. I never considered repairing the damage of a hurtful comment. Looking back, the relationship worked out perfectly for our year and a half together before it hit a wall. Was our relationship too one-dimensional? Maybe. When it was over, it was over.

Another case study: When I first moved into NYC I had so much sex with a woman I met that I did not even know that she had moved into my flat. She was an amazing physical specimen with a face and body that even caused a car accident when dude was rubbernecking while she crossed the street. When we were together, other women looked at me like I was Don Juan, probably thinking that I had some special mojo. We talked sports and music, but sex dominated our relationship and again it ended in a flash. It was worth it, but I’m not sure if our sole focus on sex contributed to our love’s ultimate demise.

When sex is not the only thing.

I have been involved in a number of meaningful relationships with fantastic women where the sex was good, but never quite at the core of the relationship. I wanted it to be, but I solely trusted my “you know what” when it came to carnal attraction. Over time, I learned that given a chance, sex could improve when you open your heart.

I began to value the companionship as much as the sex, knowing that the attraction would grow if I focused more on the person inside and not just how she looked in heels and a back teddy. That’s when I discovered that the quiet ones— ladies who don’t smoke, drink or take drugs are often sexual volcanoes. And invariably these women were highly intelligent and great companions. Then I met my wife. She gets check plusses across the board and I’m a happy and fulfilled guy.

Okay, Guy’s Guy, what’s the point of all of these random tales of your sexual escapades? The point is, sex is a personal issue. It’s whatever you want it to be. It can be a journey or a special bond between two people. It’s a gift and a game where each couple gets to make up the rules. So whether it’s twice a day every day or once a week with feeling, sex should be treated with reverence and respect. It’s also about self-discovery. It symbolizes the wonder, magic and spontaneity of life.  If you open our heart, magic can happen. It’s up to you to find out. Play safe and enjoy the ride.

How important is sex in your relationship?

How to Improve Your Chance for Romance

Robert Manni - Thursday, December 05, 2013


Once upon a time there was no Instagram, Tinder, Facebook, Match.com, Vine, and no sexting, texting, or even e-mail.

Can you imagine? If a young buck wanted to meet a nice lady, he’d take a deep breath, walk across the bar room, smile and say something clever like, “Hey, my name's Steve.”  If he was fortunate enough that she didn’t blow cigarette smoke his way, it was on him to keep the conversation going in the hopes of making a connection. This requires a real conversation, one that transcends discussing recent episodes of “The Walking Dead” or fantasy football.  Keep it real, amigo. Before we were drowning in technology, people were forced to connect face-to-face, person-to-person. It was a good way to foster social skills and the fine art of conversation. Instead of hiding behind cell phones and 140 characters on Twitter, dudes had to put themselves on the line in the hopes of as a way of making a woman feel special. With this in mind I humbly offer the Guys’ Guy’s four easy ways to polish your social skills and improve the chances for romance.

Put The Gadgets Away.

There's a million apps available to help guys out on the town connect with random women.  But texting a stranger from across the bar will not enhance your social élan. It’s much more effective to introduce yourself in person, like our friend Steve did all those years ago. Women prefer the direct approach. Just be a gentleman and don’t gawk at their boobs. When scoping out the female prospects, check the hair, the bag and the shoes. They’ll tell you a lot about a woman and how she sees herself. Once you decide whom you want to meet, think of an open-ended conversation starter that requires a real answer, not a yes or no. “Do you like pickle backs?” probably won’t get you far. Then, tuck that cell phone into your pocket, flash your best smile and make your approach.

Pay Attention.

This is the cardinal rule for connecting with women. That’s because women pay attention and have this amazing capacity to assimilate tons of detailed information about everything, including what you said two months ago about your ex. Men are not very good at this. But, guys who learn the value of active listening find themselves miles ahead of their beer swilling mates that half-listen to their female companions while they multitask by watching the game and checking for texts every two minutes. When talking with a lady, everything else takes a back seat. Period.

Get Real.

Unless you have major bank, can rhyme like Drake or look like Gosling, you are not a chick magnet. Life is not a Rick Ross video unless you are Rick Ross.  Take a deep breath, accept who you are at this moment, then smile inwardly and say, “Damn right!” It’s all good, young man. Not all women are built like fitness models and neither are you. Laugh with others, laugh at yourself and have fun meeting women. Maybe you hit it off conversationally with someone who may not be your cup of tea physically. Not a problem. You can be friends. She might make a terrific wingman, or you could be hers.  Better yet, she may have a slammin’ girlfriend that she’ll introduce you to if she hasn’t already set her sights on you. If that’s the case, be nice and be kind. Things usually work themselves out.

Follow Up.

If you master steps one through three and score her digits or more, make sure you stay the course and call her the next day. That means the next day, not next week. And it means a phone call, not a text, not a sext of your junk, or an Instagram, etc.  Let her know you had a great time with her and that you’d like to see her again. If she shares your interest, have a plan in mind. Trust me, she’ll be impressed that you’ve not only taken the time to call her, but you had the consideration to think ahead and make her life a tad easier. Woman may be more aggressive these days, but they appreciate a dude who can take the wheel and treat them special. And, women are special.

 

Are you polishing your socials skills and connecting with women?

How to Handle a Breakup

Robert Manni - Friday, October 25, 2013


Nothing lasts forever, especially when we’re dating.

At one point or another, everyone gets dumped. Sometimes it comes as a surprise. It can be emotional. It can feel like the end of the world, but it’s not. We survive, and in most cases, we look back a year later and consider how better off we are and why the heck we stuck in that other relationship for that long. So, it’s important that we handle the drama and the deluge when it happens. Here are my four tips for handling a break up, Guy’s Guy style. 

Don’t take it personally.

This is the biggest challenge. When we get dumped, we automatically think there's something wrong with us. We feel inadequate and insecure. How could he or she not love me anymore? Of course it would be helpful to know if some part of our behavior had become a deal breaker, but that might not be the case. He or she might just not be feelin’ it anymore. Maybe they connected with someone else (it happens), or they evolved in a way that the two of you remaining together just didn’t fit in with their plans. Hey, none of those options strokes our ego, but it’s not a condemnation of us. It is about them and sometimes facing the facts softens the blow. After all, who wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with us?

Be careful how you rebound.

Naturally, if our ex hooks up with someone new, we might want to show them a thing or two by showing a new partner a thing or two or three in the sack. Take that, MF! That might be a fun way of expunging the past, but it can make us feel worse. Maybe not, but that kind of sex is usually purely physical while the hurt is emotional. Take steps to get your head on straight and address your emotions prior to hooking up.

Don’t take it out on your next partner.

Whether you decide to date up a storm or just hook up for awhile (again, I recommend dealing with the emotional baggage first), make sure that you don't take your breakup frustrations out on someone new. Regardless of the situation, they need to be treated with the same respect that you seek. Let’s not turn things into a subconscious, vicious circle of “he or she hurt me, so I’ll hurt you”. That reckless behavior of defeats the purpose of starting fresh and it actually ends up hurting us because we are not acting out of love.

Stay positive and treat yourself.

Love hurts, and when we face up to the fact that our partner may no longer feel the same way about us, it can be devastating. Take heed, friends. You are not alone. We’ve all been dumped and after licking our emotional wounds, we deserve a treat. Take a vacation, join a club, take a fitness class or just do something that your ex wasn’t into that you missed out on because he or she wouldn't participate. Who knows? You might meet someone new in that kick boxing class. I met a lot of really cool women when I went online for datessome became lovers, some became friends, and some I never saw again. In any case, I met new people with new ideas from all over the country and the world, and it really is a big world out there. And you're an important part of it because, after all, there is no one quite like you. But, that’s for your new partner to find out. Good luck and stay positive! 

How do you cope with a breakup?

Five Tips to Keep Her Happy

Robert Manni - Thursday, October 03, 2013


Women are easy to please.

Really?  Yes—trust me. I’ve learned the hard way, and I continue to learn every day. Like most men, I used to view women as beautiful, exotic, unpredictable creatures; nearly impossible to figure out. I wasn’t doing the math. When guys don’t address the basics, women get complicated quickly. Like they said in Shrek, it’s all about the layers. Here are a few tips for guys that might help them keep their partners happy and their relationships on course, Guy’s Guy style.  Share them, ladies, and you might see a change for the better.

Clean Up Your Act.

Regardless of how tidy a woman may or may not be, she’s delighted when a man keeps his crib, car, clothes and body squeaky clean and smelling good. Special attention is required for the refrigerator, sink, and especially the bathroom. She’ll notice. Keeping clean is a positive way to live and it'll help guys score a check-plus on the first date and beyond. It may also up his chances at her wanting to see if his sheets and tighty whities are clean, as well. Once into a relationship, guys need to set the bar high. That means cleaning up around the house, taking out the garbage and vacuuming etc. It’s got to be done anyway, and she’ll notice.

Be Proactive.

If a woman has to keep drilling a guy about doing every little thing that’s expected, he’ll stay in the doghouse. It’s critical for men to take care of things on their own without having to be asked a million times. No one wants to be a nag, but she’ll seem like one if he doesn’t think ahead. Want to avoid “the talk”?  Anticipate a woman’s needs and address them. Surprise her with flowers, reservations at a restaurant she’s mentioned, cook her a tasty meal, order tickets for that play she wanted to see, etc. It all comes down to…

Paying Attention.

I know you've heard this one before. Even I still mess up at times. Guys have to stop thinking about themselves 24/7 and show more consideration for the one who keeps them happy. When they don’t, things get tricky and guys hear about it at the most inopportune times. I got an earful the other night right after settling in for the second half of the Cowboys-Giants game. She made a lot of great points, but maybe she should have been paying attention also—after all, she knows I’m a big Cowboys fan. Regardless, her points were on target, so I maintained eye contact throughout the “discussion”, actively listened and took her suggestions to heart.

Tell Her How You Feel.

When something’s wrong with a relationship guys often choose one of two courses of action. They do something about it or they leave. I’m not suggesting men are well adjusted in this area, but it’s usually how we roll. We’re not very good with addressing relationship issues. We try to fix things instead of discussing what’s wrong, the way women do. Men can work wonders if they listen with an open mind and express how they feel at the appropriate time. That’s not too much to ask.

Sex?

I won't go into the details, but women reward men who are creative, attentive, romantic and aim to please their partner. It’s that simple.

There are many more ways for men to keep their relationships on course, but ultimately it comes down to mutual love and respect. Men and women want the same things; they just have different ways of expressing themselves. But, that’s a good thing, isn’t it? It would be a drag if everyone were the same.

Does your guy do what it takes to keep you happy?


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