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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

10 Questions Guys Need to Ask Themselves Before Getting Married

Robert Manni - Sunday, July 30, 2017


I was single for so many years that no one bothered asking me anymore when I was getting married.

But then I got married, and I am glad I did. Marriage is one of, if not the most important, decisions you will ever make; yet many folks take this life-changing decision lightly. Nowadays the divorce rate exceeds fifty percent and until recent times who ever heard of a “starter marriage”? Take it from a Guy’s Guy. Don’t get married until you are absolutely certain that she is the one or you will pay a big price for your folly. I know so many guys who either married too young, grew apart from their spouses, or decided wanted to trade in their partner for a younger, hotter model. They all have one thing in common. They’re paying for it now.

Now, I’m not saying that when two people become partners in this fast paced modern world that it is always going to work out just fine. No sir, amigo. Shit happens and some of it hits you in the face when you least expect it. And it’s not necessarily your fault or that of your spouse. Life gets complicated, so unless you are a true risk taker, I suggest you do your homework and then think long and hard before getting married. If this sounds harrowing, it shouldn’t. Getting married to the right woman can be the best thing that ever happens to a guy. Take it from one who waited before finally hitting the jackpot. My experience confirmed what my gut told me. Do not get married until it feels right inside. And when you find that special woman, you’ll breeze through my list of ten questions guys needs to ask themselves before getting married. When it feels right inside and the stars are aligned, the answers come quick and they’re affirming. I hope they work for you the way they worked for me. Here goes… 

1. Am I truly ready to be a married man? Marriage is a lifelong commitment. And it’s no joke, so make damn sure you’re aware of what you’re signing up for before you take that leap. Marriage means you are entering a partnership built on a bond built on love, trust and respect. I strongly suggest that you look inside and ask yourself if getting married feels like the right decision. If there is any hesitation, take a deep breath and ask yourself again. If your underlying hesitation remains, you might want to reconsider your options. Ignore any outside pressures. This is your life, amigo. You hold the answers inside your heart.

2. What kind of future will I have with her? Do your best to peek into your shared future and visualize the kind of life that awaits the two of you. Where do you want to live, work, play, vacation, travel, settle down and buy a home, and spend your sunset days together? These questions can go on and on. Do your best to “see” your future with this lady. If you like what you see, proceed to the next question.

3. Will I be content not shagging other women for the rest of my life? This is usually an unspoken area, but in many ways for a guy, it becomes the issue. And if you are a horn dog like me, you’ll want a woman in total synch with your boning stylings. If she is the only one you’ll be rumpling the sheets with, you two better be simpatico about sex. Maybe, and this is a long shot, you both will be cool with an open marriage. It could happen, but don’t count on it. Unless you are a douche, once you tie the knot, your prowling nights are over. Yeah, you can always look at the menu, but ultimately the big dogs like to eat. Make sure you are cool with this.

4. What are her expectations? Guess what? It’s not all about you. If she’s going to invest her body, mind, and spirit in commune with you for what could be her entire life, she deserves to know what she’s getting into. If you think she’s the one for you, make sure you don’t hold back any creepy secrets that would give her pause. Let her know about your dreams and aspirations and how you’ll be there for her. And ask her what she expects from you along the way. It’s only fair that you are transparent and that you feel comfortable with her needs.

5. Do you both want kids? This can be a deal breaker. Everyone has their own vision of what their future family will look like, and not every woman wants to have kids, or wants to stay home and care for them. So if you want three kids and she wants none, or she wants to work and you want her to raise the kids, these issues could become a sore point as the years go by. Maybe you’ll have to take care of the kids! It happens a lot nowadays. Will she be cool with that? Will you? Get the details about children out in the open before walking to the altar. I was single for so long that I didn’t think I would ever become a father, and I was okay with it. That said—I kept an open mind in case the woman I married wanted to start a family. And here I am now, a doting father of a four year old. And I could not be happier.

6. Do I like her family? You might not think that this matters, but it does. In the vast majority of cases, you’re going to have quite a few interactions with your in-laws. So if you really can’t stand being around them, think twice before moving forward. Hey, you might find out that they don’t like you either. 

7. Does she make me laugh? The power of humor is underrated. When I think about it, most of my friends are funny, or at least know how to laugh. If you can’t make your future wife laugh, you are in trouble. And hopefully, she can get a rise out of you, too. This becomes important when you fight (which you will) and how you make up (which you will also do). I highly recommend finding a partner that laughs easily at your shenanigans. You want to make her laugh, don’t you? 

8. Do I really want to grow old with her? Fast forward thirty or forty years. She no longer rocks a black bikini the way she used to, and maybe she’s put on a few pounds. And you have less hair, worse eyesight, and a belly. Can you handle that? I actually weigh less than I did thirty years ago and I still run the same times. Why? Because I give a shit and I invest time in taking care of myself. And, frankly I expect the same of my partner. Think about how you will handle her looks and health three decades from now. Can you handle the variables? My advice is that you set the example by taking care of your health and fitness as a matter of lifestyle and pride. There is nothing wrong with a little pride when it’s for the greater good.

9. Does she fight fair? Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are like an old married couple. They fight, they avoid one another, and yet they still make wonderful music when they come together. Be like Mick and Keith. You can fight, but don’t hit below the belt. And always forgive. That doesn’t mean you become a doormat. You may not instantly forget shit they may have done, but it means that you don’t allow your partner’s behavior or your anger eat you up from the inside. The point is, marriage is a like long dance when it comes to managing emotions. Take the lead and make it a waltz. 

10a. Do we share the same values? Another underrated, but important thing to consider. By values, I’m referring to what you value you as people. It’s not about money. We’ll get to that. It’s more about how you both see humanity, and your role in making this world a better place. Do you both care about this, or is she the only one who cares about clean water, feeding the poor, education, and health care. What if she prefers country life and you dig the big city? Think about all of your values or you may end up marrying someone with a completely different set of beliefs. Can you imagine a Trump loyalist married to a Bernie supporter? You think that would work out?

10b. Are we in synch on financial issues? To solve a mystery, they often say, “follow the money”. When it comes to marriage, you best be in synch when it comes to how you view and handle the cash. If not, you could be in deep shit, and it could happen quickly. Nowadays, many couples have separate bank accounts. I think this is a good practice, but it doesn’t guarantee that financial issues won’t beguile your marriage. Money problems are near the top of every divorce hearing. There is a reason for it. People have their individual relationships to money, many times formulated during their upbringing. If you like to save and she likes to spend, good luck, champ.

11. BONUS QUESTION - What’s in it for her?  Why should she marry you? Think about it. What do you have to offer her that would inspire her to spend the rest of her life listening to you snore and watching the Jets lose? She can give you love, emotional support, children, and the kind of love that only a woman can share. What are you going to do for her? If it all boils down to is you making a paycheck, you are skating on thin ice, amigo. Think long and hard about how you can add to her life emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. She deserves it. So do you.

With marriage there is a lot to consider, but then again, if it’s meant to be, you’ll breeze through these questions. If you have to think long and hard about any of the points I raised, then you might want to think hard and possibly reconsider your options. After all, you want to be fair to yourself and your partner. If deep down, it really doesn’t feel right, no matter how much pressure you may be under, don’t do it. After all, who wants to spend their life with someone who may secretly not feel the same about them?

This week’s GUY’S GUY of the WEEK is my father, Serge Manni. He was twenty-five when he married my mother, who was 21. They have been married for 67 years now. Sure, they have had their arguments and they are very different people, but underneath it all they have consistently maintained their love for one another. And ultimately, love is the fuel that drives a marriage. Good luck, amigo. I hope you make the right decision. It will change your life. Just ask any Guy’s Guy.

The Guys' Guy's Guide to Staying the Course and Pursuing Your Dreams

Robert Manni - Monday, July 24, 2017


The great Charles Bukowski once wrote, “Slavery was never abolished. It was expanded to include everyone.”

One of the toughest challenges we face is remaining steadfast in pursuit of our aspirations while living in a dysfunctional culture built on the back on the common man and his debt and servitude. Here’s a typical scenario: It’s mid-July, it’s a sunny ninety degrees outside and you’re trapped in a high-rise office toiling away as usual. You emerge from your cubicle and stare out the window down to the street below, wondering where everyone is going and why you’re chained to your desk grinding away on another post-buy analysis spreadsheet coupled with an unrealistic timetable from your boss.

Welcome to the junior-level work life in New York. You want to follow your passion and be a rock star, a writer, or an actor and create something that will hold value and have meaning, but right now it feels like the core of your existence revolves around that lengthy report on a bathroom cleaner that smells like bleach. You ask yourself, “How do I find the time to pursue my dream while I’m working like a drone in bee colony?” On top of this challenge is how easily distracted we get, especially when living in a massive city filled with…lots of distractions. So, despite how focused you are, staying the course is not always easy.

But take heart. There is good news. First, you are not alone. There are thousands of other young bucks just like you in the big bad city putting their dreams on hold while toiling away at junior level positions. But I’m hear to tell you that if you play your cards right you can find the time to stay the course and make your mark on the world.

In over three decades fighting the good fight at corporations and agencies across the city, I often felt that I did not have enough time to pursue dreams that were slowly fading away. But because of my passion and belief in my message and myself, I found time to keep that dream train rolling down the tracks no matter how much day-to-day business needed my attention.

Your Guy’s Guy wants to share a few tricks he’s learned about staying focused on one’s passions in the face of an omnipresence clock and the realities of survival in the big city. So here are my tips for staying the course, surviving and thriving while following your dreams. That’s the idea, right?

1. Become an early riser – I recently read an article about the success secrets of a number of well-known entrepreneurs and successes in business including Elon Musk and Warren Buffet. They all shared one trait. They all got up every day at 4:45am. That’s pretty early if you ask me, but these visionaries know the importance of carving out time each day to focus on their passion, dreams, and some me-time to gather their thoughts before tackling the day. I’ve found getting up earlier has become easier with each passing year and I whole-heartedly endorse this practice. I use these early hours for affirmations, creatively, and to map out the day and how I’ll allocate the ensuing hours to my passions, my work, and all the usual day-to-day tasks.

2. Burn the midnight oil – If you can’t handle getting up early then consider staying up later to focus on your passions. And by your passions I don’t mean the blonde next to you in bed. My mind is clearer in the morning, but I have come up with a number of out-of-the-box ideas while burning the midnight oil. Whether you make time early or late in the day, the goal is to use these precious hours to stay on course and move your personal projects along. Write a song, map out a “what if” idea for a book or screenplay, or focus an hour or two on whatever inspires you to dream.

3. Meditate to keep your mind fresh – Speaking of keeping your mind clear and open to your creative passions, there is no better way to stay mentally and spiritually fresh than a brief meditation. I do my best to put at least fifteen minutes aside for the sole purpose of quieting my mind and allowing it to empty all my garbage thoughts and monkey chatter, like what team Kylie Irving should play for next year or when will the Rolling Stones will drop a new album. All this mental small talk chatter results in wasting valuable time that could be use to focus on what you really want to focus on.

4. Use your workouts creatively – If there was ever a reason for multitasking it’s using your workouts to think creatively and solve problems. I realize that pushing iron and playing golf require a tight focus, but cardio sessions are great for zoning out and getting in touch with your inner voice. I mapped out and mentally constructed most of my novel, The Guys Guy’s Guide to Love, during my long runs. Now I also use the time on the road to come up with ideas for blog posts, memes, book ideas, and tweaks to my screenplay and adapted TV series. I get my workout in and figure things out at the same time. That’s a win-win.

5. Find work relative to your true passion – Although my background is in marketing and brand management, I always held an interest in advertising because I wanted to be close to the creative process during my work. I choose account management because I did not want to use up all of my psychic energy coming up with ads for canned ravioli or cooking spray. But, I wanted to be surrounded by creative people and use my creativity to solve brand issues without having to write the ads. It turned out pretty well. I learned the creative process and cleared a wide path for my teams to excel. And the things I’m most proud from my advertising career are the great campaigns I’ve been part of that bolstered the sales of mega brands I worked on including Bacardi rum, Stolichnaya vodka and 1800 tequila to name a few. Of course it doesn’t hurt when you’re working on image brands. But during this time I never lost sight of my own projects and creative goals and used my free time to pursue my passions.

6. Learn to prioritize – Finding the time to stay the course for your long term goals and creative projects is a balancing act. The best way to keep all the balls in the air is by prioritizing your projects within the amount of time you can allocate for them throughout the day. Time flashes by but if you are mentally organized you can identify those tasks most important to your survival and can still set enough time aside to take care of business and your goals. Don’t forget, you almost always have the weekends to carve out some time for your personal projects.

Life is short, but there are lots of hours, days, weeks and years available to us if we take care of ourselves and stay organized. Of course, if you want to follow your dreams and you have a dismal job, make sure you keep your spirits up, think creatively, and find the time to follow your dreams. It’s up to you amigo, and I know you can do it.

This week’s GUY’S GUY of the WEEK is the great writer Charles Bukowski whom I mentioned in the opening of this post. Bukowski worked for years in a series of menial odd jobs before becoming a professional writer at the age of forty-nine. In fact, one of his most successful novels is Post Office a hilarious, sad and poignant chronicle about his twelve-year stint at the USPS.

Where to Meet Men

Robert Manni - Tuesday, May 02, 2017

Since publishing my novel, The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Love, I’m frequently asked by women where they should go to meet single men. In a previous post, I addressed where guys can find women, and how to approach them within their sanctums. For women, the challenge is far easier. Men are easy to find and easy to approach. So ladies, all you really need to do is think like a man and show up where the fellas like to hang out. The truth is men are everywhere and are usually thrilled when a woman initiates contact with them. But to make it even easier, I’ve broken down the ten top offline locales where guys congregate. Of course men can also be found online or through an app, but I’ll spare you Tinder or Match.com tales and focus on the old school, yet always-effective style of meeting your match organically.

So, in no particular order, here is my Guys’ Guy’s Guide For Women Looking For Guys. All you need to do to succeed is to clean up, show up, and smile and the men will be eating out of your hand. It helps to be friendly, but in most cases you won’t even have to start up a conversation. Men are almost always on the prowl.

1. Bars – Let’s face it. Most men, even if they don’t drink alcohol, like to hang out in bars with their friends. Go into any respectable bar, tavern, or beer garden after work and it will be teeming with guys letting off steam after a tough day. In New York, a great area to meet guys is downtown’s FiDi district. You’ll find lots of financial types throwing cash around after a pressure-packed day in the market.

Sports bars are always loaded with guys also. You may have to compete with the games on television, but if you know anything about sports and have a friendly way about you, you can meet men in bars any night of the week. Whisky and beer tastings and cigar bars are also great places to meet guys, unless you hate whisky, beer, and cigars. Remember, this post is about where guys hang out. No judgments and no you to change in any way. I assure you there will be more guys at the bars than in knitting class.

2. At sporting events – When guys are not watching games on TV, they are attending them. Go to any Knicks, Giants, Jets, Rangers, Nets, Yankees, Mets, or Red Bulls game and you’ll see thousands of men. Yes, they are there to watch a live game which they paid for, but guys enjoy meeting women anywhere so don’t be shy about wearing your team jersey or striking up a conversation with a guy at a game. Timing is everything so you may want to hold back on the rare occasion that the Jets are 1st-and-10 in scoring position.

3. Participating in sports – Yes, there is a trend here. Guys can be found anywhere sports are involved, and often when alcohol is part of the curriculum. Sports that guys like to play while downing a few brews are fishing, golfing, softball, and bowling. You can also find a lot of guys biking, running road races, skiing, surfing, snowboarding, jet skiing, boating, playing tennis, squash, or table tennis. And, you will always find guys working out in the gym, and I’m sure you know guys love to spot fit women in the gym. Sure, you’ll meet guys in yoga class, but there are more guys at the gym and this is about fishing where the most fish are.

4. Near the water – This is another great place to meet guys. Guys love boats, boat shows, surfing, jet skis, fishing, or simply relaxing at the beach or by a lake. And, being outdoors on a nice day seems to loosen people up. You’ll find lots of guys sitting at outdoor cafes enjoying the view with a refreshing beverage in hand.

5. Cars, trucks, motorcycles, and planes – Most guys love vehicles. They like to fix them, polish them, ride them, and talk about them. So, if you’re a woman who loves her wheels, there are lots of places to meet men including car shows, car or dirt bike tracks and races, riding motorcycles, and at auto repair stores. Of course you’re not going to hang out at a parts store unless you need something for your car. The point is dudes like their wheels.

6. Anywhere food is served – Make no mistake, guys love chowing down. The old adage about the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach still rings true. So with that in mind, keep your peepers open for hungry guys anywhere and everywhere food is served. A steak house is a good place to start. Most guys love meat. Personally, I gave up eating animal flesh eight years ago and have never felt better, but my ears still perk up when I hear that old familiar sizzle of a juicy steak hitting a fired up grill. Guys also like Mexican, Italian, ethnic foods, seafood, and foods they can pick up in their hands. Guys love breakfast, but not so much brunch, but that’s for another column.

7. Traveling – Happening guys are often on the go. That makes airport lounges, airplanes, hotel bars, ferries, and shared car services prime locations for meeting men. And when a guy is in transit, if he’s not on the phone or buried in his iPad or a book, guys are savoring their escape from being chained to their desks. I’ve met lots of women traveling, and have found that women on the go are empowered, aggressive, and usually up for fun. Ladies, it’s time to cash in those frequent flyer miles. You can easily meet quality men on a subway or a bus if you keep an open mind and are opportunistic about these means of transportation. We all have to get to work, right?

8. Tech Stores and conferences - There are so many guys into tech that you can have your pick at any tech or digital conference, store, or class. And guys love show off their technical chops to ladies. This should be easy pickings, especially if you go for the “nerds” who seem to be taking over the world.

9. Work – Despite all the warnings, work might be the very best place to meet guys. It’s also a great environment to see men in action. You can tell if they’re arrogant, power tripping, or a Guys’ Guys by how they behave and treat their colleagues. The only caution is when dating your boss or a guy who reports to you. Otherwise, all bets are off if you use your head and can handle the potential adversity that comes with having a relationship in a working environment. Your best move might be to pick a guy who works for a vendor or a company you do business with, especially if you can keep your romance separated from your working relationship.

10. Anywhere – The bottom line is men are all over the place and every single dude I know is open to meeting interesting women. I’ve only scratched the surface here, but I think you get the picture. Making new connections with men is a matter of confidence, demonstrating your sense of fun and adventure, and a desire to play the game of love. Good luck.  I hope you win.

This week’s ”Guy’s Guys of the Week” are all the wonderful single women in New York City. My hometown is bursting with the smartest, hardest working, super capable, beautiful, and stylish women in the world. I empathize with their plight to meet men who are worthy of their talents. 

The Guys' Guy's Guide to "Guy's Guy" Style

Robert Manni - Thursday, April 13, 2017


They say that men’s fashion is dead. Need proof? Look at all of the retail stores that are closing. Now consider meggings and the man bun.

So where do guys go from here? Studies show that consumers in general have cut way back on clothing purchases since the Great Recession. Between paying off student loans and $17 cocktails, who has an extra $200 to blow on a pair of designer jeans when you can pick up a pair of 501’s on sale for under $50? When it comes to clothes, today’s men are sticking with the proven staples of guydom. But, even when working with the classics, a Guy’s Guy has to add some swagger to make them his own.

A Guy’s Guy is comfortable in his own skin. He creates his own personal style whether he’s twenty-five or fifty-two. A Guys’ Guy’s style is confident, understated, and transcends trends and fads. He evolves his look organically with both feet on the ground and his eyes on the prize. Casual confidence, emotional intelligence, and timeless style are all hallmarks of a Guy’s Guy. When it comes to suiting up, he dresses classically and comfortably, with just a nod to the latest styles without being overly trendy. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to clean up and look great in a suit, a tux, or jeans and t-shirt—It simply means that a Guy’s Guy wears his clothes. His clothes don’t wear him.

Looking through that lens, I’ll riff on a few staples of today’s man’s wardrobe from a perspective that’s more classic than couture, more Varvatos than Versace, and more Levi’s than Gucci. You may agree or disagree. It doesn’t matter. It’s just part of an endless discussion of how we express our masculinity in today’s crazy world.

With that bloated build up, it’s time to roll out the first installment of what I’m calling The Guys’ Guy’s Guide to "Guys’ Guy" Style. Let’s open the closet and take a look at some Guys’ Guy’s fashion do’s and don’ts and how to look great without breaking the bank.

1. Outerwear – Ever notice that when guys get together they often hang at the bar with their coats on the entire night? I do that a lot and I’ve noticed that I’m in the majority when it comes to that weird fashion tick. Now, if it’s fifteen degrees I’ll probably take my down coat off and hang it on my barstool. That said, for the most part when a guy puts on his jacket, it stays on all night. So you better chose a cool coat. I’ve gotten lots of mileage out my pea coats, bomber jackets, and denim jackets. It’s always good to have a quality leather jacket too. A beat up, old school motorcycle jacket is timeless. Finding the leather jacket that fits your personality is fun, as long as you don’t get too crazy and go with black floor-length duster or an 80’s maroon Donnie Brasco style coat.  For leather, go understated and classic.

I know a lot of guys prefer those Patagonia or LL Beam fleece jackets. For me, that’s for a weekend of golf or going to a football game. A hoodie under a jacket also works in casual situations, but if the hoodie is too bulky it won’t work for Saturday night. Plus, every Guy’s Guy needs a quality overcoat or raincoat if he’s in a business wear he wears a suit.

2. Hair – The only rule to follow here is to wear a hairstyle or facial hair that’s in sync with the shape of our face and how much hair you still have on your noggin. More and more young guys are losing their hair early due to stress, the environment, and bad-luck genes. The good news is that if have decent shaped head, rocking a super close-cropped style works. Beyond that, be careful with the previously mentioned man bun, or whatever that weird, pull-back thing was that former Jets QB Mark Sanchez did with his headband a few years ago.

If you have a nice head of hair, choose a style that works over an extended timeframe. Unless you’re a working actor, you’re not playing a new role every six months. Find a cut that works and stick with it for a while. In this case, consistency is not a bad thing. When it comes to facial hair, there are no rules. If you think your big bushy beard is really cool, I just have two considerations—How does that big-ass hipster beard feel when it’s ninety degrees? And remember, mustaches were big in the seventies. How did that work out?

3. Tattoos and jewelry – Tattoos is another area where nowadays, anything goes. That said; think long and hard if you have an urge to rock ink above your neck or God forbid, on your face. Call me old school, but as cool as you think a nose ring might be, I can’t help but think about the consequences of wearing a nose ring and catching a weeklong running nose, or the sight of a seventy-year old man with metal between his nostrils. Just sayin’. Earrings are a bit dated now, so unless you play pro ball, do you need to rock diamond studs?

When it comes to jewelry, be tasteful. If you can afford it, you will never go wrong investing in a classic watch. Bracelets are a personal choice, but if you go for it, consider real semi-precious stones with energetic properties, leather, or silver. If you wear a necklace, same rules apply. Make “clean and simple” be your guidelines.

4. Jeans – Regular and slim cuts are fine, but unless you’re in a rock band or are thin as a rail, super-skinny probably won’t look great on you and they’ll crush your balls. And, ladies really don’t want to see your junk bulging all time.

You can never go wrong with dark washes. They work great across the spectrum of occasions, like for business with a blazer, with a hoodie, or with a t-shirt. It’s worth investing a hundred bucks or so in a good pair of jeans made with Japanese raw selvedge. I have a pair that I bought as stiff as a board. I’ve never washed them, but over time they have broke in nicely and look great.

5. Footwear – Kicks are another sartorial category where personal taste and comfort rules. Let’s start with casual. What guy doesn’t have a closet overflowing with sneakers, training shoes, and running shoes these days? That’s all good, but when you’re out with a lady and you want to wear sneakers, make sure they are clean, up-to-date, and lightweight. I love the comfort of New Balance, but until recently a lot of their styles have been kind of clunky.  Classic causal kicks include Timberlands (I have a low cut pair that totally rocks), chukkas, and smart looking, simple boots. For work, make sure your shoes are fresh and kept cleaned up. Also, make sure you match the color of your belt with your shoes. If you wear a suit to work, simply buy quality shoes that are at least on par with your suits, ties and shirts. A tattered pair of shoes really kills the suited-up look. As far as sandals go, I’m for them, but not at the office. I don’t buy into that “mandals” handle. There are lots of cool, comfortable sandals for the weekend or the beach. And do I need to remind you about no socks with the sandals? I didn’t think so.

6. Dressing up – No matter what he does for a living, every guy needs to own a suit, and possibly a tuxedo. When I started out in marketing and advertising, I had to suit up every day and, man it was hot on those subway platforms in August. Thankfully most industries have loosened up their dress codes, so unless you’re an attorney, banker or work in insurance, you probably dress casual to the office. However, “business casual” does not mean t-shirts and beat up shoes.

Even if you dig ditches, you’ll need a few standard items in your closet that fit any proper occasion that might crop up. I suggest that every guy invest in a quality navy blazer, a dark colored suit (preferably navy, gray or black) in a lightweight wool fabric, and a handful of dress shirts that have collars that fit his neck and facial contours. If you buy three dress shirts, consider owning one that’s button down.

I bought a tuxedo in my twenties. I still have it and occasionally wear it. It’s a traditional cut with a shawl collar. And, yes, it’s black. The waistband has hidden notches that allow for changes in my waistline. For the cost of a few rentals you can own a tuxedo, so buying one is a smart investment. Concerning ties, I suggest not too flashy, skinny or wide. And, if you want to be taken seriously, skip the bow ties.

7. Casual shirts (t-shirts, polo, etc.) – Unless you want to look like a bouncer, you can pass on the black, skin-tight muscle shirts. This Guy’s Guy likes polos, and you can never go wrong with an original Lacoste (alligator logo). They’re expensive, but they are made of Pima cotton, made in Peru, and last forever. You can find them on sale and they age well. My only advice on t-shirts is to be careful about the size of the logo or design. Do you really need to show everyone that you are a Denver Broncos fan? And, although I’m not fan of those omnipresent ironic t-shirts, I’m not a millennial. So, for me, solid colors are the best choice. I favor dark colors like navy, gray or black, or good old white. V-neck or crew collar? It doesn’t mater.

I’ve also invested in a handful of denim shirts. You can wear them anywhere, except in my opinion, work unless you are a creative or at a start up. I prefer a western cut and like how the fit of denim shirts from Lucky Brand, Muji, and J Crew. Levi's makes the gold standard, but I find that they are cut for really slim guys.

8. Summer fun – Shorts are great, but this is another category where you want to keep it simple. Yes, I know women detest cargo shorts, but if you really, really need extra pockets for all of your stuff, I don’t see anything wrong with wearing cargos on a sunny Saturday. I don’t wear my shorts too long or too short and I keep the colors and designs under control. So, although I dig the Rolling Stones, you won’t see me wearing a pair of shorts covered with their lips and tongue logo. That said, a classic white or black Stones t-shirt with one logo works with a pair of shorts or jeans. When it comes to bathing attire, buy a decent bathing suit. Yes, you can wade into the ocean in your cut off sweat pants and tightey-whiteys, but do you think the wet, saggy look is going to attract any ladies? I prefer a bathing suit that comes to your mid-thigh to super long board shorts, and I think most ladies agree. If you live in America, Speedos are for the swim team. Sandals are fine for the beach and trekking around town on the weekend.

9. Hats – Most guys have at least ten baseball caps. I live in NYC and have seen every team logo you can imagine in the subway. I can also unequivocally state that there is no better looking baseball cap than a Yankees cap. Unlike, say, a NY Jets cap, a Yankees cap looks classic and it matches any outfit. Caps in bright colors like the Jets green or Bronco’s orange scream, “Hey, I’m a crazy Jets fan and I might pour beer on you if you look at my girlfriend.” It’s okay to wear a Jets cap and a jersey when attending a game, but what is the message you are sending out when you’re on the street? It’s just something to keep in mind. Again you can never go wrong wearing a New Era traditional navy blue Yankees cap.

For cooler temps, every guy has a woven woolen cap. Most of them are made from 100% polyester, which makes your head sweat and gives you hat hair. I suggest you check the inside label and buy one that is 100% cotton or wool. And, guys, do you really need that sock hat when it’s eighty-five degrees? Just sayin’.

10. Underwear – I used to be a boxers guy. Then I found them to be too bulky for under dress clothes, so I switched to super lightweight breathable body-hugging boxer briefs. They are cool and comfortable and fit comfortably under even slim-cut jeans. Although I prefer going commando once the temperature hits sixty degrees, I wear underwear to work. Believe it or not, sometimes wearing an undershirt under a dress shirt or a polo shirt keeps you cooler. And, it doesn’t look half-bad. This is another one where you can use your discretion and personal style.

The bottom line is a man’s style is a personal thing. There is nothing wrong with rocking out now and then, but for most occasions, it’s better to err on the side of wearing understated clothing. That does not mean boring. It means that the real you will not be overshadowed by your clothes. And remember, the best way for a Guy’s Guy to showcase his style is by being comfortable in his own skin.

Because of the topic, this week’s GUYS’ GUYS OF THE WEEK are George Clooney, Ryan Gosling, Jamie Fox, Jake Gyllenhaal, Daniel Craig (as James Bond), Bradley Cooper, and Tom Ford with a special mention of Steve McQueen. These guys know how to dress up and dress down without ever letting their outfits take center stage.

The Guys' Guy's Guide to Keeping Love Alive

Robert Manni - Friday, March 31, 2017

Rule number one: Don’t take your lover for granted.

You know how it goes. You get busy, you fall into a routine, and before you know it the sparks of love have turned into the embers and ashes of a once hot relationship.

Modern life brings challenges to any relationship, no matter how deep and committed the connection. And, so many guys, even Guy’s Guys, get bored and fail to take care of their relationship. Left unchecked this leads to undesired results. And since a lot to dudes think with their penis, unless their sex life is constantly cranked up to ten, they mistakenly think that their relationship is waning. That is usually not the case.

Women get bored too, but they work on ways to make the relationship better. Unfortunately, guys are often oblivious to their efforts and the little things women do to improve men’s lives. As a result, couples drift apart and when communications break down, the relationship can implode. Relationships are tricky and keeping the sexual fires burning is no small task, especially if you have kids. So, couples need to listen to their partner, empathize with their needs and find common ground so they can meet each other halfway. That’s how loves “works”. When love is not nurtured, it fizzles out. But if two people in love put in the effort, there is not reason why they can’t maintain a long-term loving, sexual relationship. Here’s how…

1. Pay attention – The fastest way for a guy to ruin his relationship is by not paying attention to his partner. No matter how bad things get, women always pay attention to the relationship. Although it often goes unspoken, women expect the same from their man. And, it’s the least we can do. After those initial three blissful months of drinks and sex and sleeping in together, it’s easy to sluff off when shifting into the next phase of a relationship. Maybe you lounge around your crib in the same sweats too much and stop buying her flowers. Maybe you storm out on those nights when she wants to chill and watch her housewives shows. I get it, but, even if you see her in the bathroom more than when she is decked out in lingerie, don’t take her love for granted. Make an effort. Check in with her, ask her how her day went, and give her a hug. And actively listen to her. Every day. That’s not all you need to do to keep the fires burning, but you get the idea. Be present. Do something nice for her every week. It will remind her why you’re a champ and I promise that if she loves you, she’ll pay you back in kind. One other thing. Try not to fart in bed.

2. Roll with the punches – You may think you have it together, but in reality you’re no Superman and she’s not Wonder Woman. Once you realize that we are all human and flawed, the easier it gets to savor a partnership, warts and all. Everybody has a past and with it comes baggage. Over time you’ll find out some weird shit about your partner. But take heart, amigo. Not all weird shit is bad. Maybe she was bulimic in high school and now she’s on a vegan diet.  Maybe she despises sports. Gasp. No worries. These are details, and you probably watch too many sports anyway. Our differences can be positives if you maintain the right attitude. Consider where she’s been, where she’s coming from and most importantly where she’s headed.  And don’t sweat it. Look at her tastes and quirks as opportunities for you to learn and grow, and don’t take anything personally. Everyone is different. Live with it.

3. Be open to change – Here’s a quick case study. I was a long-term carnivore when I met my wife. She was a vegetarian. So, on our first date I decided not to order a cheeseburger. I must have gotten a check plus for that because on our next date she ordered fish. Now, neither of us eats meat, but we both eat fish now and then. We were open-minded and considerate, so it was easy finding common ground and making things work. And, I’m very happy that she showed me a healthier lifestyle by her example.

4. Forgive – Guys screw up all the time. Fortunately, most women are understanding and pretty reasonable about most of our snafus. Of course if you cheat and get busted, all bets are off. But for the most part, forgiveness is a great quality to have in a long-term relationship. Because you’ll need it. You are bound to have spats and blurt out something stupid, so couples often need to apologize or forgive their partner. It happens to the best of us. What can you do? Start by practicing kindness and empathy when your partner messes up.

5. Remember how and why you fell in love – It’s easy to take love for granted, but, if your eyes start wondering and you get that itch that needs scratching, stop and think before you do something that hurts your partner and your relationship. Think for a moment about how you fell in love with her and the qualities that endeared her to you. Then take her out for dinner and remind her about why you dig her so much. If you’re not interested in stepping back and putting in a little extra effort when you get an urge to sample the menu, that’s a sign. Maybe you’re taking your partner for granted or you are in the wrong relationship. It’s your move. But, don’t be hasty and toss a good thing away without thinking about the consequences. Good love is hard to find, so be appreciative and do your best to show her she’s the best thing that ever happened to you.

Our GUY’S GUY of the WEEK is the actor Hugh Jackson. He’s a Wolverine and a heartthrob that’s stayed in a long marriage when he could be banging his way through Hollywood.

No Wingman, No Problem

Robert Manni - Friday, March 10, 2017

 

Dating in 2017 can be tricky, but the game of love hasn’t really changed all that much. Despite the plethora of online dating sites and apps, swiping left and right making a one-on-one connection still requires a Guy’s Guy to step up and seal the deal on his own.

And that’s the way it should be. Your best bud can be a good sounding board on the front lines at the bar during your hunt for female companionship, but when all is said and done, does a Guy’s Guy really need another dude to help him chat up and connect with a lady? I think not.

The concept of deploying a wingman emerged over the past few decades. Maybe it began when the online dating technology nudged its way into the mainstream. No longer did a guy have to man up and approach a lady face to face with the real possibility of flat-out rejection. Instead, young bucks can sit at home in their tighty-whiteys plinking on their keyboard and chirping with attractive women on one of the many dating sites and apps. Maybe guys have gotten lazy and soft because they don’t have to put themselves on the line. And as a result, some younger fellas may have fallen behind their older male predecessors in the art of charm and small talk. So on those occasions when they head into the night out looking for love, they recruit a friend to help break the ice with the women. No judging, mind you.  But if this makes sense, read on…

Now, there is nothing wrong with going out with your buds for a few brews with the possibility of meeting some ladies, but ultimately, there are certain things a man needs to do on his own. One of them is stepping up and forging a face-to-face connection with a woman. You don’t need to be rubbing shoulders with your best bud to make that happen. Sure, there are a few advantages to bringing along a friend when trying to meet women. You won’t risk being seen as the creepy guy who is out by himself. And, your wingman might help grease the wheels during those often-awkward first exchanges with a strange woman and her friends. But, when having a wingman on board can also crate a few unwanted problems? What if he thinks you’re his wingman and you find yourselves both interested in that same cute blonde? Or what if he’s not looking, but the lady you’ve got your eyes on is more interested in him? Or, maybe he’s better looking, has more bank, or a better rap than you. Then you are competing with your wingman. Not good, amigo. And, even if he’s in a relationship and not looking, he’s still human. And that means he might be taken with the same lady that caught your attention. So, on the surface it may appear that recruiting a wingman has some benefits. But as you can see, there are a number of pitfalls that come with the program. 

Now you may be thinking, “Oh, what about a female wingman or wing woman”?  That’s a better option, but do you really want to deal with filtering your horn doggie passions through the lens of a woman friend who may not like the ladies you are chatting up? And what if they don’t get along? Or what if your wing woman only accompanied you to either check out your game or maybe she even has her eyes set on you? It’s gets complicated.

Amigos, the news is not so bad.  There are plenty of opportunities to meet women without the help of a wingman. You can meet women at work, through friends, at clubs or organizations, at the gym (if you keep your cool), in a class, at a wedding or a party, at Whole Foods, or the museum, all by just by being yourself. Nothing beats the old-fashioned, organic way of chatting up women anywhere, anytime, any place. No pick up lines, no games, and no bullshit necessary. Just be your authentic self and approach a woman confidently with an observation, an open-ended question, or a smile and, “Hi, I’m Jason.” Believe me, just being you works. Once you get comfortable in your own skin, you can talk to any woman. Not every woman will respond the way you want them to, but so what? It’s a game, and when a lady expresses some interest, then it’s on you to keep things going. And, you know what? That’s a Guy’s Guy game and one you can win. So, although it’s comforting having a wingman at your side, you’ll be ahead of the game and a leader of the pack if you go it alone. Vamanos, amigos!

This week’s GUY’S GUY OF THE WEEK is Vince Vaughn. Here is a guy who plays a role like he owns it. He knows his game and can talk to any woman any time, anywhere. And, that my friend is money.

The Guys' Guy's Guide to Patience (and Perserverence)

Robert Manni - Wednesday, December 14, 2016


If you’re like me and most New York Guy's Guys, you want what you want when you want it.

You like your pizza hot, your beer cold, your payments on time in cash, and your woman’s skirts short and tight. Okay, that last one was a bit sexist, but everyone’s bundling up as we enter another long, dark New York winter. We live in a fast-paced town where people rarely demonstrate patience, a key personality trait of people who know how to win at the game of life. I’m as guilty as the next Guy’s Guy—I want my shit now. But, over time I’ve learned that sometimes not getting that thing I wanted when I wanted it, even if at the time I believed it was perfect for me, was not in the cards for good reason.  It was either wrong, or it wasn’t the right time. The Universe was protecting me.

Over the years I’m still learning how important having patience is to personal development, maturity, and an appreciation of life. Maybe you didn’t get that job, that girl, that deal, or that fantasy football championship when you thought it was in the bag. But, when your ship comes in, even if it happens long after when you wanted it to enter that harbor, you’ll eventually find out that everything falls into perfect timing and what’s right for you.

Before you put your hand up and say, “Hey, Guy’s Guy. What about that time when I was supposed to win that blah, blah, blah?” Sorry, it wasn’t meant to be, amigo. Your path still remains on track even if at times it feels like you’re stuck in a ditch along that the long road to enlightenment. You will get there and so will I. All we need is patience. The Universe hears us. It knows what we want to experience, but it has a different concept of time than our hyper demands for getting what we want now, now, now. With all that in mind, here are my Guy’s Guy perspective for learning patience and why it’s a very good thing.

Remember that job you applied for after college, thinking it was the perfect? Even though you may have landed the job and thought it was the right one for you, that opportunity doesn’t matter very much now, does it? If you were like me, you got the job, but over time had misgivings. I thought working for a big corporation that sold cookies and confectionary was the perfect gig. I met a lot of smart people, and I got solid experience and international travel under my belt. Then, after a few years and endless rounds of bosses, teams, and changing rules and politics I came to the realization that the people marketing a fun products like bubble gum and candy bars were some of the least fun people I had ever met. Packaged goods marketing was a notch on my career belt, but it was not what I wanted going forward. So I took my time and got a solid job in the image industry that suited me much better. In fact, I was much happier. It took time to make the change, but it was worth it. I was bored and miserable in the packaged goods industry, even though at the time it was the perfect place for me to start out. I got what I wanted when I wanted it, but I also learned that it there was something better out there. I took what I could get out of the experience and forged ahead. In this case, patience prevailed.

Here’s another example. Have you ever run into a former high school, college, or ex from your twenties and then suddenly experienced that “what was I thinking?” moment? Someone you had previously thought was the hottest, coolest partner. Maybe she dumped you, and left heartbroken. It made your desire for her become even hotter. But now, after a few years you see and there’s really no attraction whatsoever. You still respect her, but you’re not in any way, shape or form attracted to her physically or energetically anymore. What happened? Life happened. Aren’t you glad that things didn’t work out the way you had wanted back then? That’s what I’m talking about. You’re probably a lot smarter, happier and hanging with a partner who is better suited to you. It took me years to learn this valuable lesson. I learned that the hard way. In more than one relationship, I tried to force something to work that deep down I knew was not meant to be. I didn’t have the belief or the patience with myself and my abilities to just take a deep breath and move on. So I burned my time and probably hurt some feelings. But eventually I learned to be patient with change. And when I was more mature and ready to share my life, I met the woman who became my wife, my best friend, and lover. I’m glad the Universe taught me the rewards of patience.

Final story. A few years ago I took a break from the advertising game and began building the Guy’s Guy brand in earnest. I knew it would be hard. At the time I sat in a personal reading from a famous spiritual channel. The Guides that channeled in knew me inside out. At the time, I was eager to cash in on my novel, screenplay, TV script and treatment, podcast, non-fiction book series and all of the bricks I’d been laying in the foundation of my Guy’s Guy brand plan. I wanted it all right then and there, but there was more work to be done.

The Guides asked me an interesting question. “Would you be willing to do what you are doing without knowing if you would make money?” It was a striking question about my personal beliefs and intentions. I considered what I was doing and why. I felt the same way I did as when I was writing my novel. This was not just something I wanted to do; it was something I had to do.  I knew that I had to be patient, learn my craft, and hone my message so I would be properly prepared when my ship came in. After the reading, I went to work.

It’s been a few years since that reading and it’s not always been easy. I could have given up. At times I’ve said to myself, “WTF?” But overall, things are good. I’m healthy, strong and wiser than before and my family and my personal needs are being met. And, even though I still don’t know exactly how or exactly when my dream will manifest, I know it will happen at the right time, in the best way possible. That is my intention, and I am patient in my knowing.

So what’s the take away, Guy’s Guy? Do we sit here and just wait for our ship to come in? No, you do your work, set your intentions, and live, live, live in the moment. As you develop your patience you’ll eventually know that all things in your purview are happening in perfect timing. Good luck.

This week’s Guy’s Guy of the Week is Abraham Lincoln. Here is a list of thirty years of his failures, plus a few successes on his way to becoming one of our greatest presidents. The man had patience and perseverance.

  • 1831 - Lost his job
  • 1832 - Defeated in run for Illinois State Legislature
  • 1833 - Failed in business
  • 1834 - Elected to Illinois State Legislature (success)
  • 1835 - Sweetheart died
  • 1836 - Had nervous breakdown
  • 1838 - Defeated in run for Illinois House Speaker
  • 1843 - Defeated in run for nomination for U.S. Congress
  • 1846 - Elected to Congress (success)
  • 1848 - Lost re-nomination
  • 1849 - Rejected for land officer position
  • 1854 - Defeated in run for U.S. Senate
  • 1856 - Defeated in run for nomination for Vice President
  • 1858 - Again defeated in run for U.S. Senate
  • 1860 - Elected President (success)

Image courtesy of WhiteHouse.gov 

The 5 Most Important Pieces of Advice I've Ever Been Given

Robert Manni - Monday, October 17, 2016

In most cases opinions are like, well you know what part of the body I’m referring to. Hint: everyone has one and you are probably sitting on yours while you’re reading. But on rare occasion a pearl of wisdom is bestowed on each of us that truly resonates and helps guide us to a better experience in life. These nuggets are memorable and stick to our ribs. So when a fellow Guy’s Guy suggested that I write about the best pieces of advice I’d ever received, I first asked myself if anything quickly came to of mind, and sure enough, five bits of helpful advice almost instantly popped up in my mind. And I think you will agree that these are truths that have stood the test of time. So in no particular order, here they are, along with whom they are attributed to. Drum roll please….

1. PAY ATTENTION – At the end of the third date with my future wife, I said something like, “I’m really enjoying our getting to know one another. I’ve dated quite a few women and had ongoing relationships, but obviously they did not work out. What can I do to be a good boyfriend?” Without even a moment’s hesitation, she replied, “Pay attention.” I raised my eyebrows and said, “That’s it? Anything else?” She looked me in the eye and said, “No.” In a flash I got the message. I realized that I, like so many men, was too focused on me and my world and not paying enough mind to my partner and the “little things” that women keep a handle on. I decided right there that I would work on being more attentive. We’ve been married for six years, so I must be making progress. But, make no mistake about it. Paying attention is a way of life that transcends romantic relationships into every key area of our life- work, family, money, friendships. Basically, all of our human interactions.

2. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF – About twenty years ago I was in the midst of a personal crisis due to a job loss. I’d built up a sterling resume, but for some reason had not connected to my next gig yet, and it was driving me crazy.  I often visited my folks in Jersey during this time, just being a good son. But, I was obviously giving off an anxious vibe due my frustrations.  My father always asked me about work and it became annoying to keep telling him I was not back in the saddle yet. I guess he was paying attention though, because he sent a card to me in the city that really hit home. On the cover was a drawing of a young boy on a stage facing a huge crowd. He was holding a violin behind his back. I opened the card curiously and stopped in my tracks when I read the inscription. It simply said, “Believe in yourself”, Love Dad. I placed the card on top of the doorway that led into the main room and it remained there for a decade. I landed a great job pretty soon thereafter, but left the card perched on the molding as a reminder. It’s tucked away somewhere now, but the message still burns in my consciousness. I believe in myself and will always be thankful for my father’s sensitivity to me and his support and encouragement. My father traveled quite a bit during my younger years and I had to figure out a lot of things on my own, so it was heartwarming to receive this gift from him.

3. THIS TOO SHALL PASS – Many people are under the impression that this famous quote comes from the Bible, but it doesn’t. Some scholars attribute it to King Solomon or Sufi poets, but its origins remain unknown. It came to me from my mother. I’ll bet she thinks it comes from the Bible, too, but what matters is the underlying truth in this statement that is often shared with someone going through a tough time. The bottom line is that it’s true—this too will pass. Things eventually change. That means everything, the bad and the good. The lesson is to not get too caught up in what we are currently experiencing because it is temporary. Life is transitory. And although you might not always get want you want, when you think about some of those things you may have missed out on a few years later, we often realize that the thing, person, or opportunity we were obsessed with was probably not right for us and we are better off that it did not happen. And when you think about it, there really is no past or a future. The only thing that matters is right now. So, try not to get too hung up on what looks like a bad situation. Things change, life is transitory, and you have free will.

4. IT’S ALL CONNECTED – Probably my all time favorite job to date was at a small, hip, and now defunct NYC ad agency. I can honestly say that I never once got up in the morning and dreaded coming to work. In fact, it was just the opposite. I actually looked forward to every new day at the agency and the challenges my team faced rebuilding a global vodka brand and catapulting a now world-famous gin to new heights. Every day was an adventure. The agency had a wonderful work ethic and environment with great people who got along, as well as fifty or so advertising people can get along. And we did great work and succeeded in building our clients’ businesses. What else could you ask for? Well, maybe a higher salary, but I made enough and had a nice expense account so no complaints. Like most situations in the ad game, at a certain point the landscape shifts.  If you're smart you can see the changes on the horizon. So, I accepted a bigger job on a massive global account at another agency. On my last day, my boss, the agency’s owner, stopped by my office. He was a man of few words. But he said two things that stuck with me to this day. First, he said, “good job”. That was high praise because he wasn’t one to dole out the flowery compliments. I knew I had kicked ass and he validate it. Then he leaned in and said, “Remember, it’s all connected.”  Then he shook my hand and walked out. The message did not sink in at that moment, but it still resonates with me until this day. He was right. Everything we are and do is connected, and we are surely connected to each other. That was been a huge gift and I remain appreciative of this gift of teaching me about “Oneness” as it applies to career, people, and our lives.

5. NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON THE OCEAN OR ONCOMING TRAFFIC – (another reminder about paying attention). Sounds pretty obvious, right? But often even the simplest common sense tenants are ignored and often times followed by dire consequences. I’m not sure where I heard these two tidbits, but I keep them in mind each time I go for a swim at the Jersey Shore or step off of the curb in New York City.

We’ve all seen pedestrians rush across city streets in traffic without looking both ways. And virtually every time I go for a swim in the Atlantic, so many people turn their backs when the waves get rough.  And we all know how many accidents there are in the city and in the water. I think this advice also applies to all aspects of our lives. It’s always best to pay attention and look before you leap.

So there you have it. Five pieces of advice that have helped me live a better life. I hope they will help you, too. That’s all I’ve got for right now. Peace out.

This week’s GUY’S GUY OF THE WEEK is Serge Manni, my Dad, for having my back when I needed a boost and for always being there for me, even if at times it was only in spirit. 

The Guys' Guy's Guide to Online Dating (Part 1)

Robert Manni - Friday, May 06, 2016


When I was in my twenties, I met women the old fashioned way. This was before the age of ubiquitous cell phones, female wingmen, and dating apps. In the old days, drumming up the nerve to approach a woman took courage.

Like a lot of young men I wasn’t always comfortable in my own skin.  If I saw a lady who appealed to me, I’d drum up the courage to greet her with a friendly hello. Then, hopefully, I’d come up with something to say, an interesting question, or anything to keep things going. It was a challenge, but over time, I developed a decent rap. Sometimes I’d lose my nerve and stand at the bar too long nursing my Amstel Light. So, I’d lose out to some other guy who’d beat me to the punch. I met a lot of women and sure, I got shot down plenty of times too, but it was all part of putting myself on the front lines.

In many ways, meeting women the old fashioned way was a lot like sales. To succeed you needed to know who you were and what you had to offer. You had to qualify your prospect quickly so you wouldn’t waste time with someone who was married or in a committed relationship. Most importantly, you needed to know how to strike up a conversation and close the deal. So, I learned how to ask the right kind of questions, and stay positive in the face of rejection, and how to overcome obstacles to make a connection. Over time, I became fearless and experienced a lot of success. I met women in bars, gyms, laundry mats, libraries, bookstores, buses, airplanes, or just about anywhere. And, beyond ‘winning’ at the mating game, meeting women was fun.

But the times have changed. Technology has now made men lazy. These days, a guy can score dates with smart, successful, attractive women while sitting at home in his tighty-whiteys by just plinking on his laptop. All of the apps and websites have made it very convenient for men to meet women. You could say that technology has made dating much, much easier. But, hold on. From what I can tell, technology can only take you so far. Whether you are a man or woman, to make a real connection with a member of the opposite sex you still need self-confidence, conversational skills, a sense of humor, and a dash of self-deprecation.

There's still a lot to be said from those days when a man had to learn how to approach a woman, face-to-face, literally on the front lines. Men used to study ‘pick-up’ lines and share the best ones with their pals. It took a lot of nerve to step up to the plate and simply be you.

Here is a scenario of how things might have played out back in the day. A guy walks into a bar. He scans the room and takes the seat next to a pretty woman sitting alone nursing a glass of wine. He settles in and orders a beer. Out of the corner of his eye he casually checks out the woman seated next to him. Sensing his gaze, she takes out a cigarette. He strikes a match and holds it out for her. She exhales smoke, smiles and thanks him. “Hi, I’m Lou,” he says. “Cindy,” she responds. From here, anything could happen. That’s how lots of guys met women before technology took over our lives and smoking was banned in bars.

If that scene were replayed today, the woman at the bar would probably be on her phone texting or checking emails. She might not notice the guy sitting next to her and he might not even look up from his phone to notice her. The guy would probably order a beer, place his phone on the bar and stare up at the bar’s two-dozen giant television screens. Between sips of beer, he’d check his phone. Maybe he’d check his online dating app to see if anyone in the bar was on the same service. Then, when his friends would show up, all the guys would stand around drinking, watching the games and discussing their fantasy sports teams. Meanwhile, the attractive woman seated next to them, would greet her cute friend’s arrival and the ladies would probably chat over a drink before moving to a table to discuss their jobs and talk about why there are no good men around.

While technology has made things really convenient in a lot of ways, the problem is that people, today, are distracted by waves of ubiquitous media. Most people have trouble being present in the world directly around them and this makes it hard for them to connect. These days, when young people go out, an impenetrable wall of phones, apps, emails, texts, TV’s and a closed circle of friends usually surround them. In most cases, they don’t organically engage with new people. This brings along a new set of challenges to dating in today’s tech-driven culture. It seems that to succeed in today’s fast-paced scene, you need a blend of digital dexterity and that, all-important, old school charm. The digital portion of the equation is relatively easy to pick up. But knowing how to strike up a good conversation and converse with confidence and finesse takes time. But it’s worth it. In this area, daters over forty a big advantage over younger daters who rely too heavily on their cell phones, iPads, and laptops to communicate.

The trick is to learn your way around today’s digital dating landscape while deploying your old school charm. If you want to succeed, you need to stay up-to-date on the multitude of digital dating tools and apps. It’s critical that you learn how to communicate quickly and effectively through your digital device. His will get you half way to the finish line. I’ve learned that to win, you still need to be fluent in the art of conversation and flirtation. That can only take place in person. After all, no matter how much game and witty repartee you may demonstrate in your texts or emails, eventually you’ll find yourself face to face with the object of your desire. That’s the only place where real chemistry can happen.  

To be continued…

The Guys' Guy's Guide to Working at Home

Robert Manni - Friday, April 08, 2016


If you don’t have to get up at 7am to schlep to an office in the bitter cold, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of lounging around your flat all day in your pajamas.

But that’s not how championships are won or how you pay the rent. When you’re working from home, especially after spending years toiling in a traditional corporate environment, things can get dicey quickly. There is an additional skill set you’ll need to deploy to make a go of it. It’s called discipline and time management. And, you’ll need to do so without the resources you had while working in a large team at an office.

Let’s face it, even in the most stringent corporate office environments, you can take solace knowing you can become invisible every so often without forgoing your paycheck. That changes when you're working freelance from your home office.  When you're on your own, time really is money in or out of your pocket, so you need to be sharp. Yes, many jobs are becoming virtual due to our being tethered to technology, but when you’re working virtually at a real company you still show your face every so often, and with that comes the usual office politics and gamesmanship. Plus, you still collect a paycheck.

When you are flying solo, maybe in a creative endeavor like writing, art, or music, you need to master the fine points for being your own boss and motivator pronto, and it ain’t always easy. That calls for some insights from your Guy’s Guy. After all, he’s been slugging it out from home for a few years now and he knows a thing or two about managing time and making the most of a day while working from the home HQ. With that I offer you my Guys’ Guy’s Guide to Working From Home. Hopefully, you’ll pick up a few nuggets that will help you on your way to more productive days and the fame and fortune that awaits you from your solo pursuit of success.

Drum roll please…

1. Set routines – Okay, this may sound boring, but managing your time while working from home is mission critical to success when going it alone. It’s far to easy to sleep late, get distracted by Facebook, memes, and all the media that’s hurled our way every second of the day. I’ve found it extremely helpful to set my iPhone and mental alarm clock every morning. I'm usually awake before the alarm goes off, so I use the time to for a short meditation based on being thankful for my health, family, abundance, and joy. I do this every day and it gets me off on the right foot. I get up and swish coconut oil around my mouth for twenty minutes before drinking a big old glass of water with a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar mixed in. While swishing I feed my cat and help my toddler get ready for school. By 8:30 I’m usually on my own and ready to work hard for the next six hours. On most days, I crank out 70 push-ups, work out for an hour, or go for a run. The physical activity ignites my mind, body, and spirit for the rest of the day. The discipline of a routine is good for the mind and necessary when you have a dream, time on your hands, and working from home on your own. Once I sit down to work, I listen to digital tracks created to help my focus, creativity, and IQ enrichment. In fact, I’m listening to one right now. Then I work, work, work until mid-afternoon. I might take a short break for lunch. I use that time to check my email, etc. between mouthfuls of nutritious food.

Have I been tempted to loaf around in my shorts, watch sports, porn, movies, or scour Twitter, Facebook and the like? Sure, but that's a quick path to a downward spiral. Maybe you’re more adept than me at juggling your time and getting things done. That’s good. For most, a routine can be our friend when making the transition to working from home. Without the usual office distractions and office meeting nonsense, you can get a lot done in six or seven hours.

2. Get out of the house - Although getting the written work done is extremely important, it’s also critical to get outside and maintain your relationships and connection to society. During the long winters in the northeast, I’ve found it easy to stay inside for days at a time. Not good. Sure, I get a lot done, but I find myself becoming insulated at my workstation in my man cave. When I do this, I find that whatever I’m working on or what is on my mind becomes all-consuming. I also have a tendency to take things too seriously so I get too intense and eager. That’s why I go for a run, talk a walk, or hop on the subway and meet up with my friends or former colleagues for lunch or a beverage. Frankly, it reminds me about my professional cred and reputation, and that people I respect are pulling for me to break through. And, that’s exactly what is happening.

3. Don’t neglect yourself – As mentioned, part of my routines focus on nourishing my mind, body, and spirit to enhance my productivity and chances for success. So, I eat organic food, hydrate throughout the day, work out regularly, and even forgo alcohol and recreational drugs when I'm inspired to do so. Over time, I find myself less in need of booze, pot and whatever else used to turn me on. This may sound like a boring lifestyle, but it’s anything but tedious. My mind is fresh with new ideas and I have the psychic energy to grind out projects in one sitting. It’s all good and I know I can enjoy a glass of wine or tequila if that’s what I want after my work is done.

4. Shun media – Although I come from the media business and have made a good living from it, I also know how easy it is to fall prey to staring at the television, social media, or simply binge-watching sports, movies or cable series like Billions or Ray Donovan. It’s easy to get sucked in, but there is a way around being pulled into it. The key is not turning on the television until all of your work has been completed for the day. At first it’s challenging, but it soon becomes a non-issue when you realize how much you can actually accomplish during the day if you're not goofing off.

Did I enjoy being part of a functioning team, having the tangible accomplishments you get when working in an office, and bonding with lots of other people? Yes, but I also have a dream, and sometimes dreams require you going it alone.

So, I hope you’ve gleaned some insights that will give you a good start to making the most of your time if you decide to work from home. If you find that flying solo is not your cup of tea, I hope you find your way back to the rat race. But remember, they call it that for a reason.

This weeks’ GUY’S GUY of the Week are all the people who took a chance and went for it, whether they worked from their studio apartment, mother’s basement, or even out of their car. Success to you, amigos.


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