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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

When Guys Cry

Robert Manni - Thursday, May 08, 2014


I’ll admit it. I shed a tear at the end of “Silver Linings Playbook” and when Joaquin Phoenix retakes the stage as Johnny Cash towards the end of “Walk The Line”.

It doesn’t matter what film it is. A successful Hollywood movie expertly knows how to evoke emotion from their audience. At the same time, I recently watched a segment on ESPN about NFL draft picks crying after teams call out their names. These are big strong, manly men reduced to tears while being made instant millionaires. That’s seemed a bit much for this Guy’s Guy, so let’s discuss.

Guys need to be mindful about managing their emotions, even in this new age where the men moisturize and the women play the alpha role in so many relationships. It’s gotten to the point where if I call to get a friend at home with the hopes of luring him out for a round of golf, I have to ask him to put his supervisor on the phone before I get a decision. That could be, “Sure, Larry is free on Saturday, but he needs to be back by six to pick up the kids,” or “ Sorry, Larry promised to sweep out the garage this afternoon. Give us a call next month.” That said, Guy’s Guys celebrate women’s ascension and long overdue recognition. Even if many guys roll over and let their women call all the shots now, Guy’s Guy see the change as a win-win for both men and women when handled evenhandedly. But even with the new freedoms each sex is experiencing, unlike women, men remain under the microscope when it comes to their emotions.

Today’s world needs men to be men—more evolved, less ego, more caring, but men just the same. And women want men to be men. So how do our newly sensitized guys deal with their emotions, and specifically, crying? Good question. I would not dare to lay down a strict set of rules on this delicate issue, but I will throw out some loose Guy’s Guys parameters to consider when it comes to men shedding tears. Let’s call it, Cry—No Cry.

CRY

A family member, close friend, colleague, or pet passes. The birth of a child, marriage of a daughter, break up after a long-term relationship. During a movie or piece of music that strikes an emotional chord. When a son or daughter returns home after serving their country. Did I leave anything out? Probably.

Within the context of a relationship, a guy can cry once. And it doesn’t matter why. He gets a free pass. After that he’s walking a thin line where his lady might secretly think the worst. So guys need to be mindful that women don’t want to date a blubber puss.

NO CRY

Following the last episode of “True Blood”, “Breaking Bad” or any favorite television series. When you get a promotion. When you are selected by an NFL team to play left tackle. When KISS gets elected to the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. When you graduate anything. When she lets you bed her for the first time. When opening your Christmas presents, unless you get a Maserati. When you win your fantasy football championship. When your son says, “Da Da” for the first time—be proud, but don’t cry. When you finally beat her in tennis or Scrabble. When you finish your first marathon (hydrate, don’t cry). When you lose your job—wallowing won’t pay the bills.

I think you get the picture. Crying is certainly acceptable for men, but we have to be careful no to allow the waterworks to take over our emotions. There is still something to be said for a guy who can on occasion still be the strong silent type and someone a woman can lean on when the going gets tough.

This week’s Guy’s Guy of the Week is Lou Gehrig, the famous New York Yankees first baseman, who shed tears when referring to himself as the, “luckiest man on the face of the Earth” during his farewell speech at Yankee Stadium after being diagnosed with the fatal malady now known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. 

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