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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

Red Flags - 4 Sign's He's Not the One Part 2

Robert Manni - Friday, August 16, 2013
Every storm begins with a few drops of rain. When I finished my last post on red flags when it comes to dating, I realized that I had just scratched the surface. Not to say that it's all doom and gloom when it comes to finding "Mr. Right," but here are a few more signs to avoid.
He Has A Double Standard About Sex.
Sex is territorial for men, and it’s also where many guys maintain a double standard.  Guys go to strip clubs, get lap dances, and who knows—maybe even a happy ending. He might rationalize that hopping into the sack with another woman is not a big deal because “he’s just getting off”. And he’s probably telling the truth. To most guys, sex is a physical act. That said, he’s not going to reciprocate and view your having sex with another man through the same lens. Bottom line, it’s unfair. So if he’s sleeping with other women and he takes offense when you play it the same way, you’re not on the same page. You need to have “the talk” about this. If there is no agreed to line of delineation, you may want to rethink the relationship because it’s going to happen again.

He’s Abusive. 
There is physical and emotional violence and both are unacceptable in a relationship. It’s a very complicated area and I’m just your Guy’s Guy, but once a man gets away with abuse, the situation can quickly become a runaway train. I recommend that you strongly consider ending a relationship the moment any guy raises a hand or verbally berates you. Putting up with the abuse, rationalizing it or considering what you did to make him behave this way is a recipe for disaster. We are all responsible for our own actions. Love yourself and don’t take any crap.

He’s REALLY Into Porn.
We know guys are visual, and trust me, nothing makes a dude happier than seeing his woman dolled up in lingerie and heels. And with the barrage of sexual imagery the media spits out like a Gatling gun, any man can celebrate the female body in all its glory whenever he wants. Amen and hallelujah. That said, if you guy spends night after night drooling at porn sites on his oversized computer screen, it could take a toll on your relationship. Guys can view zillions of photos of women acting out any fantasy they have. This can set the expectation bar quite high so unless you are ready to perform, and I mean really perform, you may want to clock the time he spends online just a little bit so it doesn't get out of hand.

He Disrespects Your Family.
Everyone’s family is dysfunctional in some way. Families are living, breathing organisms. Some are more fun, more interesting or more loving than others, but when it comes to your partner’s family, it’s best to either join the party or keep a quiet distance as much as possible. If he disrespects your family, it’s a bad sign. If you feel his family has disrespected you, it’s also unacceptable. In most relationships, you’ll eventually have to deal with your partner’s family. If this becomes a point of contention and discomfort, ask yourself what can be done to remedy what could become an unmovable object and irresistible force confronting your relationship.

We each get one trip around the track, so be aware of the warning signs that signal the potential for getting into a relationship that is not built on a foundation of love and respect.
Our Guy's Guy of the Week is Roger Fox, the roguish womanizer from my novel The Guys' Guy's Guide to Love.
Are You Mindful of the Signs that He’s Not The One?
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