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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

When It Comes To Dating, When Does Losing Something Help You Win?

Robert Manni - Wednesday, March 21, 2012


Image courtesy of The Modern Hermit

For centuries everyone agreed that the world was flat. That is until Ferdinand Magellan (a guy’s guy for sure) sailed his historic lap around the globe. That was a major V-8 moment for a lot of folks. Ferdy expanded his horizons and drew a new map of the world. And it only happened because he lost the list that told him that the earth was flat.  Women and men also need to consider losing their mating spec lists if they want that sense of discovery and delight that exploration provides.

Is losing the list that difficult and why can’t I keep it?

We live in a society of entitlement, a place where everyone wants what he or she wants when they want it. Do we really need all of those flavors of rice pudding? Probably not, but it’s comforting to know that they have a green tea flavor. However, when it comes to finding a mate, so many women (and men) that I have spoken to lock themselves in to rigid criteria for finding a potential partner. And, I get it…to a point. If you are a statuesque lady you probably feel more comfortable with taller guys. Some even believe there is a subconscious breeding barometer that women have about the height of their man. When I scrunch down to go eye-to-eye with my wife, who stands five feet one, and ask her if she would love me if I were her height, she cringes. I think we all have a friend or three who only make themselves available to a select group of potential suitors. Yes, I agree that parameters exist for money, race, religion, occupation, and education. But hair color, boob size, finger length (yes, I’ve heard this one), and having to live within three subway stops without changing trains? That’s when I begin to question if the list is crafted to find the mate of your dreams or ensure that you don’t.  Sure, time is money, but people get real picky when it comes to dating.  I have found that in my successful relationships the only consistency in my partners was that they were all attractive (to me), intelligent, and kind-hearted. Yes, we connected on a sexual level, but who enters a relationship really knowing how that is going to work out, unless you are paying for it?

So, what’s the point?

Lose the list and find your love. That’s it. And if you can’t lose your list, at least re-examine and downsize it. There’s something special about the magic of love, especially when there is a sense of discovery and openness. The heart wants what it wants, but sometimes what we think we want may not be the best thing for us. Consider Big Macs, hot wings, light beer, and nachos. I can go on, but if you limit yourself to a tightly constructed list of superficial characteristics for your mates, you’re going to spend more time alone while your dating competitors are whipping your butt in the game of love because they tossed the list and tweaked the rules in their favor.

Is your list working against your efforts to find true love?

Try losing the list and see what you might discover.

Guest post from The Matchmaker Blog

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