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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

The 5 Traits Women Look For in a Man

Robert Manni - Wednesday, May 30, 2012

  image courtesy of vi.sualize.us

Have you ever wondered what the most important characteristics that women seek in guys are? After another fruitless night combing the bars, clubs, and hot spots for a mate, a lot of guys skulk home with a belly full of Budweiser and not much else to show for it. I’ve been there…many times. But being a circumspect and blossoming Guy’s Guy, at a certain point I asked myself what was the key to connecting…I mean really connecting with women. Of course the most important step was step one. That meant admitting to myself that I had a lot to learn. Excellent. Then it was on to step two researching with women. I’m an ad guy and we always check in on a regular basis with our target consumers to find out what they are thinking. In this area not much changes. There truly are some basic character traits…beyond a Swiss Bank account and a body like Brad Pitt that women desire in a man. Here is your Guys’ Guys’ Guide to Traits Women Want in a Man. You may agree or maybe not. Ask a woman though before you call bullshit. 

1. Confidence- This is numero uno, amigos. Ladies gravitate to dudes who exude a quiet, but smoldering brand of self-assurance. Not the kind that says, “Look at me. I have ripped abs.” Nope. It’s a smoother, underlying energy that projects from the inside out. It says, without saying, “I know who I am and I am comfortable in my own skin. I’m looking for a partner who has her feet planted on the ground and dreams that reach the heavens.  Interested in finding out more?” That usually works if it is based on true knowing, not posturing. And knowing comes from men who have been tested. 

2. Attitude- This is confidence’s wingman. If a guy has confidence, he usually has the right attitude. That means a propensity to seeing the glass half full. Easier said than done sometimes. Even if he loses his job, a Guy’s Guy sees it as an opportunity to open new doors that are better suited for his journey. Sounds like bullshit? It’s not.  Women like guys who see the big picture, especially when life throws them a major curveball. Women find comfort knowing that their guy is not going to fall apart when the going gets tough and make fear-based decisions. 

 3. Sense of Humor- A lot of women find Bill Murray attractive. Although he may not be your prototypical Hollywood star, he exudes his own brand of confidence and attitude and he’s hilarious. He is one powerful guy. I recently watched him on Anthony Bourdain’s travel show and he is the only person that I have seen that left Bourdain somewhat tongue-tied. That’s quite an accomplishment. And, of course he was in “Stripes” and “Caddyshack” and “Groundhog Day” and SNL. He is certifiably funny as hell and chicks dig his act. 

4. Kindness- It’s kindness, not weakness. In fact, kindness is a true sign of strength, particularly when it emanates from a guy.  It’s easy to be a dick. There are lots of people who do stupid things and arguably could benefit from a boot in the butt, but that’s not what we are here for, amigos. Kindness means transcending judgment. That’s really challenging in a culture driven by reality and competition shows that are based on judging. And in an insidiously exploitive society, people are crying out to be heard. The cure for judgment is kindness. If a dude is mindful about choosing a path of forgiveness and caring, women will pick up on it. And that is a very good thing for everyone. Being kind is a series of conscious decisions made on a daily basis. If guys pay attention to their choices in how they handle people and situations and choose the path of kindness it will pay off in many wonderful ways, including attracting the ladies. This is a fringe benefit of being kind.   

5. The intangibles- I once dated a woman who was turned on by Daniel Day-Lewis’s long fingers.  I could not compete with that. I have meaty fists that scream I have worked with a jackhammer as well as the keyboard of my computer. These are strong, solid hands, but no matter. Needless to say, this is one of those intangibles that guys have to factor in when dealing with women. There are certain quirks and likes that seem random, because they are. And women have the right to follow their hearts when it comes to this stuff. I do not have an anecdote for handling the intangibles, but I assure you that they will spring up when you least expect it.  Do guys think Hugh Grant is cute? Hell, no, but women do. That’s how they roll, fellas, so I suggest deploying the aforementioned other four traits when the intangibles rear their head. Just shake it off. It’s only Hugh Grant. 

Do you have a handle on the five traits that women seek in a man? 

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