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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

How To Know When It's Time To Go

Robert Manni - Thursday, November 15, 2012


Yogi Berra said, “It ain’t over until it’s over,” but is this true?

In many instances, this Guy’s Guy says no. It can be over way before it’s officially "over". I'm sure you have all been in one of those relationships where for a myriad of reasons you stick with it, even though there are overriding, unresolved issues that prevent it from growing. And that’s the point. Like a plant, healthy relationships keep blossoming. An unhealthy relationship remains stagnant, and any growth is like a weed—random and at times unhealthy in what manifests. Sometimes what emanates from a tainted relationship chokes off the beauty and joy that a healthy relationship can foster.

It’s never easy to walk away, but are you really doing yourself a favor by staying in what you know deep down is fatally flawed? Your time is better spent healing and moving on versus prolonging the inevitable.  It’s worth noting that many men, myself included, never know what hit them when a woman finally lowers the boom. Women can hang in there even when they know it’s not working and some of them insist that the guy should know that something is wrong. Good luck with that, ladies. But that’s for another column. Let’s get down to business and review some of the telltale signs that you’re LTR has come to a grinding halt. This way you can both have a conversation and either address the issues or move along.

No Communication

Just think how many of your friends talk endlessly about what’s wrong with their relationship and do not have that same conversation with their partner AND stay in that same relationship for what seems like an eternity? Healthy relationships are about communication. Couples in love enjoy conversing about anything and everything. And, guys, it’s not all about how you feel about stuff. It’s about sharing and actively listening to the one you love. Okay, so you may not be all that interested in her psychic development yoga class, but listen up and learn. You can go back to your fantasy football lineup soon enough. This means something to her and it could probably help you, dude.  The flip side is when women drone on about their job. Ladies, try and keep it contained. Guys have enough work-related stress of their own and they are programmed to solve problems so if you do not want a solution, go easy on the download.

No Joy

Sounds pretty obvious, but we all need to check in every now and then and ask ourselves if this relationship is making us happy. Again, think of how many of your friends complain about their partner yet keep on going. For a solution, see point one. When couples enjoy each other’s company, the talk flows easy and the laughter follows. Yeah, it’s that simple.

No Sex

Do I even need to go here? Maybe a little. What I call "no sex" really means no sex that includes communication and joy. A-ha! Think about the times when you two went through the motions and released tension by getting off. I’ve been there and I get it. It feels real good and maybe you wore those black panties and five-inch heels that make him so crazy for you. I like them, too, but I’ll bet that if he kisses your fingers and takes his time because he wants you to know how much he loves you it feels even better.  Wham-bam has a role, but true love takes the time to satisfy both partners physically and emotionally.

No Regrets

The last place you want to be in a relationship that is ultimately unsatisfying. Staying in it only makes matters worse. So dig deep down and ask yourself if you are really happy with this person. If the answer is no, you may end up wallowing in the regret zone, which is not to be mistaken with your happy place. You deserve better, so either have the straight up talk and fix things or agree to disagree and move on. You do not want to invest your valuable time in something that doesn't bring you joy on a daily basis. I have been there and so have you, but have no regrets. It brought us to now and that’s the only place to be. Now go make the most of it.   

Guy's Guy of the Week: Yogi Berra, not only for being one the Yankees' all-time greats, but for always calling things how he sees them.

Is your relationship still fulfilling? Know when it's time to go.

--

Image courtesy of Getty Images.

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