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On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

Are You Really Paying Attention to Your Relationship?

Robert Manni - Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Image courtesy of Nina Matthews

This one is for the guys, not all guys because guys are changing and many of them get it. But a lot of us still don’t, so ladies, feel free to forward this or slip a copy under the sports section of his morning paper.  It could pay off.  In a recent column I waxed on about the merits of guys paying attention as a secret to improving their relationship skills. You would think that something as simple as this wouldn’t come as a surprise. But guys can get distracted easily, usually by themselves, and sometimes need a nudge to focus more on the ‘us’ than the ‘I’. 

So, how did ‘paying attention’ enter my consciousness and change the way I was approaching my relationships?  Here’s what happened.  After a few dates with a woman I was interested in, I inquired about what qualities I needed to be a good boyfriend. This is something I had never done before, but I probably should have, because she immediately replied, “Just pay attention.” I narrowed my eyes like an ape does when he scratches his head with his oversized index finger. “That’s it?” I asked.  She smiled at me like I was a school boy and said, “Yes.” That was when the light went on, or in advertising terms, when I had my V-8 moment.

If you keep this precious nugget buried in your subconscious, I promise that you cannot go wrong. Women are interested in the effort almost as much as the outcome, so if you consistently demonstrate that you value her, you will invariably make good decisions and she will notice, big time. Why? Because women always pay attention. They have one goal- to make your time together as fulfilling as possible. That’s it, amigo. She doesn’t receive any pleasure from pointing out your shortcomings, and she doesn’t want to change you. Well, maybe a little. She just wants the best and who can blame her. So, if she’s with you, she sees your possibilities. Is that so bad?

So, gentlemen, how do you we pay attention? I think you know, but here are a few examples: ask her about her day and then listen, and whatever you do, don’t try and solve her problems. She doesn’t need you for that. Try and point out something new about her on a regular basis. And fellas, not, ’you look hot in that those shorts’. Think more of how she does things in her own special way or how thoughtful she was for picking up your dry cleaning and that six-pack because she knows you dig that seasonal brew (hey, she sounds like a keeper).  Or better yet, do that for her. You know the drill. Just do your best to pay a little more attention to her each day, and I promise you that it will pay back higher dividends than most of those stocks you’ve invested in.

What do you think? Are you paying attention?
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